First off, I hope you're doing well and staying safe. Sorry to hear your health has been giving you some issues and I'm sure the pandemic gripping the world isn't helping.

Second, you've clearly shown that you can make this world come alive with incredible detail. Seriously, I can only try to copy and pale in comparison to what you can do. Everything...Selene's expressions, the environment, the pokemon too!

And I do have to echo what rylek is saying here. You're already over 160k words into the story and haven't even gotten to the first trial yet. I'm all for awesome worldbuilding, but this is starting to seem like overkill. I'm still interested, but if more of this is going to be filler in between important story points, you might find yourself losing viewership and longtime interest.
Either way, I'm looking forward to what you are going to do for the first trial. It's one I actually didn't do in my own story, so you've got my interest again to see how you cover it.
Brav

Frankly, I think I can best sum up my feelings towards this story at this point with the following quote by Ian Malcolm from Jurrassic Park: “Um, you do have *dinosaurs* on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello?”

I mean, I appreciate worldbuilding and setting up of characters as much as the next guy, but when those things have gone on for over a HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THOUSAND words and the story’s barely STARTED... you’ve REALLY gotta take a step back and re-examine your outline (if you have one) and start HEAVILY cutting things down. This is already a monster, so I’m gonna say, whatever you have in mind for the next chapter... scrap it and get to the Trial already. “Pick up the pace” is no longer a suggestion from this point forward. It’s a demand.

That’s actually more-or-less all I have to say for this review. I’m frankly getting bored of the constant repetition of Selene angsting and going ‘oh, everything is horrible and I’m a terrible person’ because it is getting grating. I’d be far more forgiving of this if we weren’t already over 163,000 words deep into this thing, but we are, and I haven’t seen a SHRED of character development yet.

Sorry if I’m coming across as harsh in this one, but when I get the update notification email for this chapter expecting the Trial and plot advancement at long last, and instead get MORE padding... it kinda broke the last bit of patience I had for this.

Well, you’re getting better with your descriptions of the environment the story takes place in- not amazing, but those opening paragraphs painted enough of a picture to where I could imagine it easily. You DO seem to be sticking a bit too close to the game’s geography for your own good, though, which won’t do once you make it to some of the smaller towns and cities. You’ll have to find out a way to make them bigger and more realistic.

Anyway, once again, your worldbuilding is second-to-none. That bit with the Island Challenge Amulets was downright inspired. Also, this line, right here: ‘Selene was loathe to admit that [death] had called out to her like a siren’s song at times, like it was the natural course of things.’ Just... wow.

Ah, and so that’s how you’re covering the Poke-care mechanic or whatever it’s called from the games that I hardly ever used, thereby making my playthrough of Sun unnecessarily difficult! Gonna be honest here, I think just ignoring that mechanic (kinda like what I’m doing with the C-gear) might have been the better move, but if you make it work, more power to you.

Now, since I can’t review EVERYTHING in this chapter, partially because it’s enormous and partially because I’ve got other things to do today, I’ll just end off by saying this: this has been an incredibly slow-burn so far, and I think it’s high time to pick up the pace a bit. I mean, you’re 13 (long) chapters in, and you haven’t even reached the first Trial yet.

Well it's good to see you back. We got ourselves another great chapter that's loaded to the brim with worldbuilding, character development and an overall treat to read.

You're still doing a fantastic job of seamlessly integrating the game's mechanics even into the actual world you've made, especially that tidbit with Power of Alchemy. Things like that have kept me from making something along those lines myself and I actually would've never thought it that way. It makes it for strange as Selene noted, but it works. And if it works...it works.

Finally that last part was quite good. She's starting to see that she can be more assertive, confident...even if it's just a tiny hint. It's a long process, but I believe in her!
Brav

I honestly love this story. I was a bit hesitant about reading it at the beginning, but the more I read it the better it gets. You do an incredible job of making the Pokemon world, and Alola specifically, feel like a real place with it's own culture and expectations.

You also balances tone really well. One minute Selene will be really happy and out going, then the next moment her depression crops up and she breaks down again. The way you write it makes the entire thing feel organic And the way that her Pokemon seem to be acting as her support group is really fun and cute. It not only gives her something to focus on other than her depression, but it also gives Watmel, Liechi, and Payapa a chance to show off their personalities when they try and help Selene in their own way. So I'd say that you're succeeding at making Selene's Pokemon feel like individual characters.

I did notice the occasional error that should be fixed.
"like a dying *start* into the dark murky abyss" - I think you meant *star* here
"more competent and *experiences* with the real world" - Probably meant *experienced*
I think there was another one that I noticed, but I couldn't find it again on a reread.

Lastly, make sure to take care of your self. Taking college classes while working a full time job must be really difficult. As much as I'd love to read a new chapter soon, especially if it's one you're really excited to share, you are more important than the story, so make sure to keep yourself healthy.

I hope you have a good day!
-Nix

Okay, my bad guy sensors definitely need tuning. Selene's mother is definitely not one.

Ayyy, Ryuki! Nice to see him!

Awww, I love Watmel! She's so adorable!

...something's gonna happen to her, I'm calling it.

[Reminded herself that tossing the small cat pokemon headfirst into the sea would undermine all the stress she had just undergone and greatly upset her mother.]

Not to mention you'd then have to dry a very annoyed cat. Good luck with that, Selene.

Okay, lesson learned, don't tease Selene or you'll get a beige blob in your face.

[But remembering how embarrassing it had been to pry the little pokemon off of the professor's face, she really wasn't.]

Please can we get fanart of that? That would be hilarious.

[...She was going to ignore the rather unimpressed, half-lidded gaze it was giving its trainer.]

Pahahahaha. You write Watmel's reactions so well!

This is coming along well so far. Nice work!

I like Watmel. She is adorable.

...why do I have a bad feeling Moon's mother's gonna be like Lusamine...

Or not. My bad guy sensors must be malfunctioning.

[How was it that almost every famous person was so disgustingly photogenic?]

To quote a famous anime characterScience is so amazing!"

And boom goes the dynamite, the wham line at the end confirms what I thought it was. Okay, seeing how that affects Moon/Selene will be interesting.

Interesting first chapter. Your writing style is phenomenal, it sucks in the reader and keeps them hooked all the way through. Excellent work!

...I just got that song out of my head and the chapter title just put it back in. Conflabbit.

Hi, yes, I'll read all of this properly in a few hours when I wake up, but so far, I like what I see!

Alright, last review of my all-day reviewing binge... and I saved the longest chapter for last, so I could give the longest review to make up for last time. :D Before I begin, though, I want to point out how LONG this is already. You’re a mere 12 chapters in, and this is over 130,000 words... I think even GRRM would be impressed with that... this thing would kill an entire FOREST if it was published when you finished it.

And geez, this was a fantastic chapter. I honestly think you might be able to get away with one more chapter of worldbuilding and exposition before the Trial, this was so good. Of particular note was all the explanation on Team Skull, all of that was great. And, well... I guess them taking over the estate of a royal family explains Po Town... They’re not gonna be just street punks in this, methinks. Suddenly I fear for Selene’s life when she meets Guzma... *gulps*

I guess I should compliment the dialogue, too. Yeah, it’s filled with exposition (not like mine isn’t, though) but it still somehow, even without the justification that they’re explaining a foreign culture to an outsider, feels natural and conducive to how these people talk. They’re royalty, after all, so they speak the language of politics.

I have to admit, for personal and private reasons I won’t disclose here, that inner monologue Selene had about the schooling system made me feel a little bitter, but I guess that’s the mark of a good story and storyteller- when it gets relatable emotions out of your reader.

Either way, I look forward to the next chapter, which will hopefully be at least the start of the first Trial. Also, with BraviaryScout now on temporary hiatus due to being a bit burnt out after writing so much, it falls to you to fill that Alola novelization niche, so don’t let us down. Keep going, and keep writing. Andiuploadedthenextchapterofmystorylikeyesterdaysoifyoucouldreviewitthatdbegreatkthxbye. :D

Dang, you might not update often, but when you do, you make it count, ‘cause we have another massive chapter on our hands here... So, let’s get into this!

Hmm... Your description of Hau’oli was decent, if a bit vague, but then again, I suppose Selene’s thought process is so downtrodden and cynical that the vagueness kinda makes sense. However, the vagueness of the city description is made up for with how you describe Selene’s emotional state. Just... wow. That was brilliantly written. Your ability to put the audience in this character’s shoes and mind is second-to-none.

And oh my God, that mental outburst she had about words... that was both powerful and unsettlingly topical for this day and age. It was just fantastic, nothing more to say about it.

And then we get more lore. This really, really has me excited for what you’ll do when you get to Malie City Library (it’s miles away still, but whatever...) because you’re putting a TON of political intrigue into this story, and it’s great. Also, I COULD be wrong about this, but with Selene’s tangent about how much power words have and Kukui’s talk about gossip makes me think the main theme of this story is emerging, and it’s going to be how seemingly small things can change entire nations and the people in them.

And to be honest, that’s where I’m going to wrap this up. I know, I still have like, half the chapter to go, but I’ve got things I need to get done today. Either way, this was fantastic as usual.

Selene would make a terrible criminal if she's freaking out like that over red paint.

And that paint warning should have been bigger, I suspect it was a scheme to make the owner have to pay for their paint to be redone again.

I like how moon named herself after a literal goddess.
Watmel is best bird.
Kukui is Kukui.

Congrats on making me laugh twice in one chapter.

Right off the bat, I love how you describe the boxes in Moon's room and how tired and lethargic she is. Moving will do that to you :') But the detail I loved best was how Moon thought about how the room didn't really feel like hers anymore. That's exactly how I felt when I moved cross-country and had to pack up my room months before I even got on a plane.

The description of Watmel and Moon's photo is also very cute. It creates a sense of nostalgia and depth and memories despite the fact that they've just been introduced in the first chapter. It also cuts out the long cutscenes at the beginning of SM where the protagonist chooses a starter, so well done! I appreciate it when authors make sure the protagonist already has a starter when they're introduced, just because I feel like I've read so many stories in which the first three chapters revolve around picking out the character's first pokemon in a lab with little variation.

I'm curious to find out why Moon-well, Selene now-feels so emotionally tortured. She seems like a sweet girl and I hope that other people wouldn't treat her badly, but I guess I'll discover why along the way. Although she does come across as a bit angsty, I don't really see that as a fault since she is 13 and whatever emotional trauma she's been through must have impacted her heavily.

I also like the mother's insecurities about comparing herself to Lusamine. It feels very realistic and adds a sense of depth to the mother. In most journey fics (and I might be guilty of this) the mother doesn't get much screen time, so the moments where she does appear, she really has to shine.

Overall I loved your first chapter! It did make me feel a bit sad though as if I were Moon/Selene, so I might have to limit myself so I don't send myself down an emotional rollercoaster. Well done and keep up the great work!

Oh my goodness. This is a long af chapter. I have little doubts you are going to be writing a story longer than mine as well as it being much better.

I am still loving how much of the darker lore you're putting into this! Selene is slowly coming out of that shell of self-doubt. It's still there, but she's chipping away at it.

Then we meet Team Skull. That's awesome you're making them far more dangerous than the games or the anime. It's a lot more grittier, tensile, but there's a hint of that dog-eat-dog world that Alola truly is. That is one thing I do enjoy about it, that the tourists only see the bright sunny and vacation side rather than it being a place where things can go south into hardship and misery quickly if you're not careful or on the wrong place at the wrong time.

Really in the end, they may still be thugs, but they're also people.
Keep up the awesome work! Take as long as you need for the next chapter. I'm willing to wait.
Brav

Okay, to get into this... massive, behemoth, absolutely fucking LEVIATHAN chapter... I can say: is it bad that I only just now realized that your story's title means 'Seize the Night?' Anyway...

A nice good bit of backstory to start us off this time, I see! As you already know, I like deconstructionist angles on things like what you've brought up in this chapter, and you pulled it off brilliantly. Things like Selene's childhood naivety in how a Pokémon journey was going to go, her distress at her situation in a boarding school where other kids were mean to her... I just love the details you put in.

Now onto the next scene. To be honest, the shopping scene did feel like it dragged a bit, but only because what comes right after it was so damn interesting. I can tell the... well, not political angle, but more bureaucratic back-and-forth between the traditionalist 'Old Families' and Kukui's more (in their eyes) radical ideas will become something major (a thematic element, perhaps?) and very interesting. One thing I want to specifically point out is this line, because it's so good: 'The older boy shot her a relaxed smile that was probably meant to reassure her, but Selene's sick mind saw tye taunting smile of a person holding a bottle of water out of reach of someone on the ground dying of thirst.'

That line. That line is amazing. I could go on for days about that single line and how it so eloquently just sums up this story's protag and her mindset, but I sadly can't- there's no time. It's time to move onto the next section of this chapter.

Y'know, Selene DOES bring up a good point... how do Lillie's clothes not get dirty? I guess in the game it's because she doesn't really do much traveling (except for on Poni Island, of course) but if she's gonna play a bigger role here, laundry is gonna be a slight problem... Also, nice setup of Lillie's so-called 'Z-form' outfit, because in the game, it just comes out of nowhere with no explanation of where it came from.

Lillie and Selene's conversation was great for exploring both their characters and personalities. One thing I've noticed is that Lillie is kind of getting shafted in terms of characterization and screen time compared to Selene, so that scene was nice. Also nice: Selene getting that little feather charm.

And yay! Rotom-Dex is here! :D To be completely honest, when vanilla Sun and Moon were on the way, I was completely prepared to utterly DESPISE Rotom-Dex... and then it pulled the pin on its grenade and blew me away. Instead of being an annoying, useless, despicable time-wasting hindrance that I wanted to reach into the game to kill, like literally EVERY Zelda 'companion character' ever, Rotom was an invaluable, likable ally that I quickly grew attached to. Basically, what I'm trying to say is... don't fuck up his character. This guy's no fuckin' Navi!

Okay, now to avoid this review getting as long as the chapter, I'll give you my thoughts on your Team Skull OC's and call it. Rest assured, I did indeed read the entire chapter, but this is getting absurdly long. So far, I like your interpretation of Team Skull, but I think they spoke a little TOO formally- but then again, these are the admins, and not regular grunts. You're definitely making them a lot more threatening, and even though he's a million miles away, I really want to see your take on... ya boi.

P.S: spotted a typo/unnecessary word in this sentence: 'He paused, looking like a kid who had been told HIM Santa didn't exist.' I capitalized the mistake for your convenience. The 'him' shouldn't be there.

P.P.S: Sorry if you have to split your reply to this chapter into two PM's, but there was just SO MUCH to go over in this chapter... In fact, this very well might be the longest review I've ever written... And I am exhausted...