fucking sick

Well that was interesting. Fairly well written too.

Surprisingly poetic piece you've got there, and not at all what I expected; keep it up.

As for storytelling: It is a little on the compressed side, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing; it lets the reader use their imagination to fill in the blanks.

There are a few errors here and there, but it's pretty clean.

All in all, while this isn't my usual fluffy fare, I like it and will add it to my collection.

Keep narrating,
Ranma-sensei