Snivy seducing pikachu and they're COUSINS? Are you sure this first part of the story took place at Sweet Home alabama? 0_0

I have a feeling one them is going to turn yandere.

continuala por favor... esta buena

I have the feeling that Pika's bisexual with preference for men... either that or he didn't leave the "girls have cooties" phase yet.

So Pikachu is somewhat into incest in this I'm assuming

While it can use a little brushing up and added details to let the story flow much easier, it's a good story that has a lot of potential. I mean, we've seen stories like this with Ash and Co. But there's usually no love for his yellow partner, so it's a nice change for once to have him as the main protagonist. Keep at it.

I enjoyed it, I'd want a part two of you're up for it

Well no Sex yet which is sad, but I liked it

["I'm so sorry. Are you OK?"]

It's written "okay", four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[he sweat-dropped]

This is a visual art convention that doesn't work in prose.

[After class (recess time)…]

This is jarring; it's better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You're formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as ["Hello," she said] or ["Hello!" she said], never ["Hello." She said] or ["Hello", she said] or ["Hello" she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it's written as ["Hello." She grinned], never ["Hello," she grinned]. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like "laughed" or "giggled" is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's ["Hi," she said. "This is it."] not ["Hi," she said, "this is it."] or ["Hi," she said "this is it."] And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's ["Hi. This," she said, "is it."] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don't use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is really bizarre. I get that you're really into the gjinka aesthetic, but, uh, you are aware that text is a non-visual medium? We can't actually see the aesthetic. This is a standard anime-style romance where everyone just happens to have pokemon names. If the important part of your story is a visual aesthetic, you should really make it a comic, not a fic.