Not going to lie here, it wasnt amazing.
In fact I wouldn't call it "high end decent", between the grammar mistakes (which you did warn us about so kudos) the choppy flow of the writing and the excessiveness of the "obligatory bad person is bad" represented by Rebecca and what's his face, this might make a okay rough draft.

Still, definitely not the worst thing I've ever read.

Wow that was pretty damn good! Im a huge fan of the games I wouldnt have any problems communicating using dialog from the game myself, there is over a million words of dialog alone!

Good story.

Looks good so far! It's definitely interesting and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Looks to be a great idea. I hope you can bring it into fruition. Good start, too.

awesome idea and job love it kiu :)