I loved your story! Thank you for sharing! It’s just what I needed, to see the reaction on their meeting, just hope you will update one day. I always want to find story like yours

Good chapter. Probably the only memory that served any purpose in the story so far, the rest we could have been told about with the same effect. Still, in other stories this would have been considered fan service, comparatively speaking in terms of how your story is structured so far. You've improved by leaps and bounds as a writer over the course of this story, you should write some more, as it is obvious you have some interesting original ideas worth fleshing out, just as your craft as a writer is worth polishing to actually becoming a good one some day, capable of writing good and interesting stories from start to finish. Good luck!

Nothing much happens in this chapter, leaving the reader with nothing to fulfill with. This honestly could have been boiled down to two or three sentences. But at least it reads better than previous chapters, showing your growth as a writer.

This chapter needed more work in terms of character placement whilst you had your little action scene. Otherwise, as usual way too many words, however it is evident that your sentence structuring skills have much improved and thus, through an increased variety in sentence length the story flows much better than in previous chapters with similar, long sentences unbroken by anything, usually forming big monolithic paragraphs.

This chapter was a good opportunity to show the differences between two world, and so far we are half way in to the story written so far and the reader knows zero things about why should he care about your story, what it is about, what the stakes are, who the villain is. Also it would have been nice to forgo most of the thoughts and reactions of Lily here, and just let the reader experience them, either through dialogue or through her expressions et cetera. Your characters have enough agency to them that all of these information about what feel / think aren't needed to often get your point across. So far Sirius is worried, James is confused and Lily is heartbroken / aching to comfort Harry. There isn't the need to build those things up so much.

The time that Sirius takes to think all of his thoughts through makes the story in this chapter die of old age before it starts moving again for a little bit, take a breath because it got tired from changing the scene, then again move, but this time in slow motion when the action bit happened or rather got witnessed by the POV person. Needles to say that the pacing of the story is hurt by the wordiness of your writing and general lack of a concise writing style. Try to get to the point faster next time. The things that you want to tell the reader, can be told in all the same in much fewer words.

A bunch of nothing is happening here but the wording is done like a dramatic soap opera. It feels kind of like an Indian dramatic cuts to and from main characters after some dramatic reveal, but lacks the comedy. 2nd chapter in and no stakes are established and we are at the beginning of a long road ahead to setting the scene for the story if there is one.

This chapter is way too wordy after getting into the pensieve. There is no substance in there to propel the story forward, and it feels like a slog to read. The characters of Lily Remus and "the Order's leadership" seem like a dramaticed parody of themselves.

Can't wait for more! I need me some emotional rollercoaster. Keep up the good work!

So is this story dead or just on hiatus

I've been enjoying this fic, when will it be updated?

Please update! You write very well! Been crying my eyes out!

Awesome please continue

It was good

so sad. countinue please