*wipes brow* Woo! Finally caught up.
And I'm interested with where the story is going... as well as relieved that the action has finally arrived. Looking forward to see how you'll write it out. Characters are proving yet again how enjoyable they are; and on top of that, more facets are opening up with Sirena. Grand ambitions are her vision, but will she reach the horizons to grasp them in realization?

I don't know. But I'll stick around to find out.
I'll keep an eye out for chapter 15. Here's hoping to great happenings!
Max out.

Same as before, not bad, just a few issues and such but it is well composed and structured.

My main issues are, how and why does Sylver grill Roxa so much for something so small? She seems rather nosy and impolite doing so. Wouldn't mind so much if that was a part of her character but it doesn't seem to be.

I do like how Neva called out Sylver for being too loud and squealing because she learned that the two strangers she had just met might have feelings for each other.

Also, I don't quite buy Elaris' part, I don't see why anyone would join her like that unless she's planning on backstabbing Sirena. Telling someone a sob-story about their past doesn't mend being kidnapped and having a finger broken and threatening them with a bloody death. It just seems too far of a stretch for Elaris to just join up with her, if Elaris is intelligent in any way that is. It just feels forced, no one would have pity on Sirena if she did such things to them unless they were just lying to get close to her.

Roxa is funny and, aside from the fact that she's a griphon, is relatable. I still don't quite get how a griphon fits in with this or Ratchet's world, though her personality itself is interesting.

Not bad, your writing style is improving. I have some nitpicks but I do think this is your most refined chapter I've read so far. So, mainly just have a few nitpicks, nothing major.

Firstly, instead of just telling Ratchet/the readers about this place, describe it to them. Since this place is new, the phrase "Known for its beauty" doesn't mean that much, especially if you described it. Rather than just tell about it, show it. Not saying you don't describe at all, but you really need to do more of it and less of having Neya explain everything.

Secondly, while not overbearing, there's definitely a sense of melodrama in this chapter. It's not so bad it's distracting or anything, it's just there. Like how Ratchet exclaims to himself how awesome Neya is, despite only knowing her for two seconds and the large amount of gawking at everything is just a bit much. I kind of get the sense that you're worried your readers won't appreciate your world and the details of it, so you just tell them about the awe and splendor, rather than just showing it by having Ratchet and Roxa be giddy about everything with their mouths agape. Not saying they shouldn't be in awe at all, but you need to provide more details and descriptions of the things they're seeing so the readers can picture it in their heads. There needs to be a balance of details and exposition, too much of one or the other isn't good.

Thirdly, I also don't quite understand why Ratchet and Neva laughed at Roxa, it was kinda funny, maybe worth a chuckle at most but that's just me. Not a huge thing.

Fourthly, This phrase also should probably be rewritten, I sense it was written in a hurry: '"Who will be seeing to get home?" Ratchet asked.'

I did find Sylver to be funny getting into her dress, and Neva is cool (just needs to cut back on the exposition and remember that she's talking to people who haven't been there before).

I also liked how hungry Ratchet and Roxa were and they both were decently entertaining throughout, just need to tone down their reactions a tad but that's easy.

Well, at least Clank and I can enjoy the comforts of being locked away while the Rangers watch the doom of Polaris unfold. Which is, of course, no good. Now I'm awaiting the action that's en route to Cimminu because after reading about how easy the rangers were beaten, I'm hoping Ratchet, Roxanne, Slyver, and Neva can prevent the Black Dawn from carrying out their plans there.

Here's hoping to the more that's assuredly to come!
Max out.

(Warning: Spoilers!)
CLANK! WARN TH- *stunned by 'Willow'*'

Now that we've gotten this prelude out of the way, I'm expecting some serious chaos come chapter 12.
Max out.

The pace has picked up. And new characters have entered the fold. All of which is excellent!

Also, I can't help but notice the improved description on characters and their appearences, surroundings, and interactions in general. When you first began, most of this was all short and pointed. But now, ten chapters in and I can see more and more strands weave a tapestry that promises to be something special. I look forward to seeing this when it's all finished.

I expect big things but I believe in you.
Max out.

Hmm... I'm curious, how does Sirena have "years of experience"? And what kind of experience? I mean, obviously she's smart, but I don't know how she knows this stuff. Some insight into her past would help.

I'm kinda torn with Sirena and Elaris' back-and-forth. There's times where it's good, and times where it's clunky. Like I think Elaris is a bit, too scared. Sure I'm not saying she should be rock-solid, but shrieking at a fan? That's a bit much, wincing or something like that feels to me, to be a more natural reaction for someone in her position. What is good, is most of Sirena's lines. A few are a bit melodramatic but most are good.

Also, shouldn't Clank be more concerned with getting Ratchet back first? I get Elaris would be a big help, but they haven't a clue on who took her or why, but they do know where Ratchet went.

I do like Ratchet and Roxy's bit, I don't really have any issue with that in this chapter.

Well... that's... interesting... um, the Kurai aren't blobs, they're similar in shape to whatever species they've taken. Unless you've changed them for this story, then that's fine. But I wouldn't call these blobs of Sirena's, Kurai. I'd suggest to clarify that they're not like the Kurai from stories, or are a different thing entirely.

Also, might be helpful to explain or show what happened to Shade but put your own unique spin on it. Yeah, I technically do own Shade, but this is like a Fanfiction of him right? So keep him Shade, but also add your own unique take to him.

I do like the name of her... uh, organization? I really don't know who is a part of it besides her, but I do like the name.

I also like how Ratchet reassured Roxy, that was well done and nice.

Hmm... interesting. I'm curious how her brother died in this universe, if he is actually dead. He goes by Shade, though his real first name is Daren but either one is fine. Wonder if he or Sirena will cause some trouble together? ;)

I like how Sirena is playing Elaris, she has the right target, respect. Only thing I'd really tweak, is how Sirena talks about "her side". Elaris doesn't know what that means, I kinda doubt she knows who Sirena is. A better way would be like, "I can give you the respect you deserve." But her overall goal is smart and I am impressed by that.

It's a little quirky, though like you said, it's your first so it's understandable.

Well, I'm curious to see Sirena's backstory. I get the feeling she's not a fan of the Rangers in any way, though the wording is slightly confusing. It seems to act like we (the readers) know why Sirena's got a grudge, when we don't. I like a mystery, and maybe I missed something, but if not, the manner of speaking should be more mysterious rather than assumptive. It's not a huge thing, just something that slightly confuses me personally.

Also, I like the idea of Sirena having a prosthetic, but how it works kinda confuses me. How'd it change? She said it used to be so light, and what kind of prosthetic is it? A brief description of said prosthetic would be helpful.

I did enjoy her experiments with her gun and found it entertaining.

I like the banter overall between Ratchet and Roxy, they're cool. It would be nice to know the backstory of how they actually met, seeing how we just kind of have to go with her existing. I mean, if you show or explain it (showing is better) in the next chapter or so, it'd be less of an issue. Still, would've been a bit more smooth to show how they met before, or had them meet on this new world.

Overall a fun, if somewhat confusing chapter. Not bad, just different with some minor, confusing element or elements that need more defining. Not bad a t all though, for a first fic.

Not bad

Well... this is a surprise. *eye twitch*
You know, it's not everyday that Elaris goes over to the dark side, lying or not. Personally speaking here, that's bold. And I dig this. Plus, surprising continues to be by the revelation of Roxanne's love for Ratchet. I want to say that this came out of left field but, I don't feel that way.

But this chapter was well done, and with the telling of Sirena's backstory, the story fleshes out even more, inviting more and more anticipation for the next chapter when the wheel of storytelling continues again. Swell so far, keep it up!
Max out.
P.S. Niagara Falls? How would Slyver know about that? Any ol' waterfall, sure! But Niagara seems a bit of a stretch to me. Even the 'OMG' come off as too foreign an element.

Oops eheh. Sorry to repeat things you've already heard in my last chapter review. I should probably read the author's notes before I catch up on reviews.

This was a REALLY good chapter! There were a ton more details in this chapter, and I can better picture the characters more now that they're there! And I totally understand about school taking away a lot of your focus *points to self*, that's why this review is so darn late.

Ah, and here's where things picked up from last chapter! NICE! And you did a good job writing the tension in the scene. I wonder what yo'll do with Elaris, and if she'll take up the offer or not. She's got a good head on her shoulders, but that doesn't mean she's free from corruption. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's interesting to see if she'll take the bait.

Also another really cool thing within this chapter: we got a whole lot more info on who our villain is, and how they get things done! Quite a nice hint at Sirena's backstory, I hope to see more on it in coming chapters! I'm curious to see how this drives her to do what she does, and if this connects her to the Rangers in any way. Not to mention, she did a fantastic job at slipping into the facility undetected... this may mean trouble for our heroes. If she's got some good stealth and disguise skills, and can sway the heroes... then whew, this could be a good villain to match the heroes.

A nice chapter overall, and a whole lot of improvement from the previous chapters! You're doing awesome, and I can't wait to read more. I may need to come back later though, it's getting late for me so I'll head to bed for now. I shall try to read and review the next chapters soon (hopefully it doesn't take me forever to comment on them).

Nice job on this chapter! Keep up the awesome work! :)

Oh my goodness, it's been forever since I last gave you a review! D: I am so sorry it's taken me so long. School's been busy as all heck, and I've been struggling to balance everything. Nonetheless, I am so sorry about my absence, and I shall do my best to catch up.

Ah, so things are heating up in this chapter! Ratchet and Roxa are now somewhere new, and I can't wait to see what you do with the new surrounding they're in. If I may offer some advice though... the scene where Roxa's looking and studying their new environment could use a bit more detail. The description of the sky and grass was pretty intriguing, but I felt like I couldn't see the whole picture, if that makes sense. I don't know if you describe their new surroundings in more detail in later chapters (if so then totally disregard this), but perhaps you could elaborate more on what's around the two. Are the trees or plants (if there are any) gold as well? Are they in an open field, or in a place resembling an open grove in a forest? You don't need to make a whole page worth of description for the surroundings, but when you do describe a whole new world from what the reader knows, the more detail (without overdoing it), the better. :)

I will say, I like the two different storylines taking place with each chapter. It kind of gives the reader a lot of the perspectives of both the heroes and the villains, and it reminds me of the thing Insomniac did with... I believe it was Up Your Arsenal and Crack in Time, where you would get the heroes' perspective AND have some breaks with Nefarious. You got to play the games from Ratchet and Clanks' perspectives, and we got to see hints at what Nefarious was planning in between levels. This story does a pretty good job at balancing the differing perspectives! Speaking of which, I really like that hint with Sirena and Elaris. I'm curious to see what Sirena may say to Elaris when the two meet, and I think it'd be a tense scene.

And last but not least... oh boy! What are the Rangers going to do now?! Although... this scene may need a bit more detail as well. Is the portal completely inaccessible now? Did it blend back into its environment, or did it just shut off? "Sealed off" means a few different things, and, well, I guess my confusion is if the Rangers could just turn the portal back on and go and save Ratchet and Roxa?

Other than that, this is an awesome chapter with a great cliffhanger and hints toward some bigger plot points in future chapters! More detail may be needed in some areas, but overall, a solid chapter! :D

Awesome job on this chapter! Keep up the great work! :)

I agree you did well by this chapter. Many kudos to you!
And we finally get the story title drop! *throws arms triumphantly into the air* Woot! And with new characters that I'm liking so far, go give yourself a pat on the back. But be on the lookout for those mistakes. Hate to call them out when I believed you stepped up your game, but I do mean well. Keep it up; I'll be on the lookout for chapter 8. Looks like more will be happening in that chapter that I'm down for. :)
Max out.