Lovely first paragraph, especially that last phrase, “at the very edge of Kalahira’s shore, the Goddess had turned her away.” Gorgeous phrasing that clues you in to who is talking. I like how Kolyat isn’t angry, and how he is dissecting the indignation he could have had. “Just a handful of friends who, though they would never admit it, were already mourning her. Her destiny had been fulfilled. Hadn’t it?
Then again, perhaps Father’s had, too.”
I love this! That small detail that they were already mourning her, the talk of destiny—so good. You can really feel how there’s a sense of obligation that Kolyat holds, and whether Shepard has a greater obligation to huge universe, or to herself, even though her story could have come to an end.
Also, this line: “Arashu preserved him, he’d spent far too long standing helplessly over hospital beds lately.” Ouch. I love his fatigue and his determination.
Also the memory of the Citadel coming apart, and Kolyat’s escape! So good! I like your choice to write memories in first person, it creates a great sense of immediacy.
“The unspoken words hung in the air between them, breathless and insistent and studiously, deliberately ignored. If she wakes up.” Gorgeous writing here.
Oh, Tali and Garrus! I have a soft spot for those two. I love how caring they are of Kolyat. Tali hugging him and saying Thane would be proud broke my heart. Such a lovely moment, and Kol saying he would have wanted that “so very long ago” is wonderful. I love a Krios father-son relationship that is fraught and has unresolved feelings, a reflection upon how much Kolyat has changed.
A fantastic prologue! Just the right amount of introspection and reflection, along with setting up a new path for these characters. Great stuff! I look forward to reading more.

Just logged in to comment because I'm really enjoying this story. I usually don't read stories without some romance (yeah, I know) but this one really drew me in with well-created characters that I really care about. Thanks for writing and I hope you plan to continue.

I like the contrast here between teacher and student. It rings very true - the student wanting to be praised for how far he's come, the teacher seeing only how much farther there is to go, and the pitfalls of both over-praising and under-praising.

I see your turn into greater galactic politics here and I look forward to seeing where you take it! I love your war-weary and impatient Hackett already. And Kolyat's desperation to be closer to his father and his complete obliviousness to the emotion was really well-done and rings very true for his character.

I loved both the details about Miranda having been kept from helping Shepard and the doctors bungling the patching of the unfamiliar implants, and Kolyat's feeling of kinship with his father while using his gun.

The unspoken words hung in the air between them, breathless and insistent and studiously, deliberately ignored. If she wakes up.- ouch!

as she whispered hoarsely, "Thane would be so proud of you."- *sniff* Yeah, he was a proud papa at the end.

Tali and Garrus are a romance that sorta squicks me, and it is totally due to a combo of ... NO ... my torin ... and her gross dialogue in the game. The interaction between them here is warm and understated and lovely. I didn't squick at all. Other Tali/Garrus people will tell you that never happens with me, so ALL the kudos for that.

I am truly excited to continue. *hugs*

Yes, Shep! You have to be the great commander again! Dont forget your friends!
Hum...Kolyat is maturing...
Good chapter!

Nice to see some old friends here, and Kolyat and Shepard's conversation felt very real. Poor Shepard, afraid to lose one more person she loves and yet unable to stop him from doing what must be done.

"And why, exactly," McGann demanded coldly, "were you scanning anything to begin with? You didn't trust your colleagues with Admiral Shepard's safety?" - Of course not. She's Shepard. He wouldn't trust anyone with her, not really.

Shepard frowns. She tries to hide it, but I can see the pity in her eyes. "Kolyat… I don't know how to tell you this. It… it doesn't mean 'Friendly' New Guy."

His "colleagues" had let him introduce himself that way for weeks. - *gigglesnort* Poor Kolyat.

"Because I recognized something in the readings. I think the bomb was hanar in design." It was a gamble. - Interesting tactic, a gamble indeed.

"I'm going to be very honest with you, Corporal Krios. I don't trust you yet." - Ouch!

"Officially, you are not to involve yourself in this case," she said firmly. "But I know you, and I have no illusions about how you'll be spending your time. If you should happen to come across any information that might help… you'll let me know." It wasn't a question. - I love this, lol. Leave the door open a crack for him, but cover their asses with official policies.

Great job showing Kolyat's feelings of helplessness. I'm feeling a little nervous now, it seems like his gamble may have backfired a little. Hopefully, it all works out in the end!

I like that McGann is hard but fair, and aware of the realities of the situation and his determination.

This felt very real, Kolyat's increasing anger and frustration and helplessness as the situation spiraled even farther out of his control than it had been when it began.

but Kolyat thought she looked, emas she so rarely did anymore/em, every inch the hero she was. - Ouch :( I mean, I know it's true, but ouch.

Kolyat resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "No, it'll be easier to disarm it after it goes off," he snapped. "I'm neither a child nor an idiot, you know." - ROFLMFAO, omg, this has me laughing so hard my stomach hurts. I mean, the words themselves aren't especially funny, but coming from Kolyat, idk, it's just freaking hilarious.

"Hack the—fuck me," he muttered under his breath. All the little human idioms he had such trouble comprehending, yet he was picking up their profanity with ease. Mother would be so proud. - This, omg, I love this so much :D Poor Kolyat.

"Now!"Kolyat growled. - Missing a space after the closing quotation marks.

But an iron grip on his shoulder jerked him to a stop just outside the gate. Spathi spun him around and snarled in his face. "You're as useless with technology as your father was, boy," she spat. "You've blown my whole operation to the Depths!" - Pffft. *grumbles and mutters 'bitch'*

"Well, then I guess you're gonna need a new plan," he snapped, pulling free of her grasp. "But you can count me out of it. I'll go after this bastard myself." - Hell, yeah! Go, Kolyat!

And he didn't need the help of this relic from his father's past to do it, either. - *gigglesnort* Loving the use of 'relic'.

But Spathi stopped short. She turned slowly to face him, mouth open as though she wanted to say something but couldn't quite find the words. The look in her eye was not the anger Kolyat had expected, but something… softer. Sadder. "No," she said quietly. "I wouldn't." - That's a little heartwrenching.

I do so love this character you've created, and I'm really enjoying seeing her come to life in this story. She's gruff and crass, and she tends to keep me guessing, but I can really feel that she doesn't wish Kolyat harm because he's Thane's son. Knowing a bit of their background from your other stories, it really makes me want to see the rest of their background, because she and Thane were so not bff material! Great chapter with a pretty tense ending, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Very good.

“Most of the time, she dwelt not on the lives she'd saved, but on those she'd lost.” - Why do I already feel like crying from this one sentence?

Ouch, you get the feelings of loss so perfectly. Everyone can be laughing and it can be the most beautiful day, but your world feels gray and muffled, walking through a fog. Aw, poor Shepard. :(

Omg ... your trying me make me cry on my way to work ;.;

(Continues reading on) oh ... you are killing me here. The scene with Shepard remembering Thane’s death and crying in Kolyats arms ... I hate you. (but it a good way) you are really nailing this story.

Good, I’m glad Kolyat didn’t want Shepard to help him. Thats a real sign of maturity on his part. (grins wickedly) I like your Kolyat, he’s still harsh around the edges and quick with his tongue, but in a good way. Individual’s like that are usually misunderstood by others. It’s not a bad thing but can be perceived differently unless you know them. I’m glad Kolyat kept his spark. They make an interesting duo.

I also liked the subtle shift in Kolyat’s stance. How he easily slipped his hands behind his back after Shepard said he looked like his father. It just exemplified it. I live little slip in’s like that.

Can’t wait to read the next chapter.

Oh, I love that you switched to Liara's POV here for a bit, it added the feel of a new layer to the story! I squealed a little to see Feron's still alive and kicking. I like Nemia, but I can't help but feel that you're very carefully monitoring her POV to make sure she doesn't give us, the reader, too much info on what's going on. It makes me a little uneasy and a little distrustful of Thane's old rival. Great chapter, I can't wait to see what comes next!

She frowned, her heart racing as guessed the purpose of Shepard's call. - Missing a 'she'.

He conclusion was confirmed when Kolyat's omni-tool pinged and, - You have 'he' instead of 'her'.