I love, love, loved the fight scene here. It was so well-written and at one point, I was so confused because I thought Rio was going to die so early on in the story haha.

Also, "I'm sorry but when you're on the run, sometimes you forget deodorant."-LOL. Rio is a comedian.

Ahh Rio. I wish Hilda hadn't knocked him out. Now she's now put herself up against Schneider and his men. The Author's notes made some interesting points about the reproduction of Norma and mana capabilities.

I enjoyed the brief interaction between Rio and Hilda here. I can definitely see their relationship developing into a humourous friendship. The addition of Dark and Master Embryo seems likely to complicate matters, especially as now, Hilda has two different enemies to look out for.

Grammar-wise, the writing is excellent and I love the writing style you've adopted. The flashbacks and personal thoughts you've weaved throughout the story really add another dimension to the writing. The story seems to almost read like an action movie. It has the drama, plot, a hint of budding friendship/romance and the secret villains. As someone who loves crime shows, I loved the scene where Schneider and Inspector Schwartz are describing the evidence left by Rio.

"It still smelled of apple pie." I love this sentence. Besides the smell it conjures, it also fooled me into thinking the next paragraph was going to be something sweet and homely, as one would normally associate with apple pie. I like the complete contrast and how it actually developed into her mother throwing pie at her. Ouch.

I hadn't heard of Cross Ange before reading this, but your intro at the start really gave me an idea of what to expect and set the scene. I'm already quite curious about the undercover agent and his ability to use mana offensively (which I'm assuming not many can do).

Thank you for sharing this story! I can tell that you have a great handle on the plot even if I don't quite understand it because your characters have so much personality and I can see how you're building up to an inevitable confrontation. I also very much like Hilda as a character!

I like the characters you show in this chapter from Rio to Hilda to the Inspector, they all feel clearly fleshed out and have distinct personalities! I also think the line breaks work well to help separate out each person's POV although I'm so sorry I'm still struggling to follow the plot.

Here from Reddit, I think this was a great first chapter in terms of setting up the plot and the characters although there's a lot going on so I'm a little confused but I'm sure by the next chapter I'll have a better grasp!

One thing: I really do like your writing style! It's clear, engaging and well thought out :)

Awesome! I also have one of my own. It's a DBZ/Cross Ange crossover that's 113,000 words, though it does contain quite a few errors. I would have fixed them all by now, but my wrists have been injured for the past 5 years, so I've never been able to do a lot about them. Anyway, give the first chapter a read and see if it's for you or not. However, just...unless you find trollfics and the single worst piece of fictional literature in existence to be humorous, you should probably just ignore another of my stories called, "An Immortal God And His Destined Ones".

There are two aspects of this fic that are really standing out to me right now:

1. How seamlessly you've woven most of the critical world information for the reader into the story, rather than lecturing at them, and

2. How well you've written your action scenes. They're snappy, and impactful.

Thanks for writing!

You wrote this very well but, me being fandom blind, can’t really understand the plot too well. But thanks for submitting!

This is solomivan239 from reddit.

I'm sorry, but it's too long and dark for me. Being fandom-blind, I don't understand your plot.

I love the voice cast here you've got. Especially Jeffery Combs and Steven Jay Blum.

This story is so beautiful and a lot better than the anime

Ok, who's the man in black & gunslinger? Is that supposed to be a trinity blood reference?

Well, that's all over. But for how long?.

P.S. If you have the time, you should perhaps do a sequel?.