its a nice story

this was nice and yes a lot of times the Greeks are total assholes with what they've done. they're just immature children playing as gods and think they don't have to take full responsibilities for their actions

well this was nice

this was quite nice

looks well here

this looked well and wonder what things will be like in this story

I’m just here to say I have not read any of your stories, but I’m not here to flame, just TRYING to help out.

Now, I did try to read the Naruto and Monster High one since I like that crossover and there are so few out there. Hell, I tried to do one myself, but I felt I could have done better, so I plan on doing a rewrite. Back on track, I just hated yours because it was too short to enjoy. Seriously, don’t you know anything under 3,000 words is bound to be a waste of time to read?

So, you use your phone? That’s a terrible choice in devices to write with. The screen is too small and even if you can actually write, the autocorrect will always fuck up your words if they’re spelled wrong or not English.

Get a laptop or tablet. At least then you can write at a fast and easy pace that allows you to see everything you’ve written and allow you to go back and fix it.

Now, this small part is a bit of flame. I suggest at least being wise and take this off your profile.

You said and I quote “Dislikes Flamers and those who don't see the fine art of Writing.” Now, that line would make anyone sound like a dick, don’t you agree? Seriously, don’t say that unless you can write without ANY grammar mistakes and put some real substance into your stories.

Getting back on track, I’m with helrio uzugaku on everything they said for your Naruto and Percy Jackson story. That guy was right on target with everything they said in their review. Especially about the OP Naruto. Seriously, is this a crappy One-Punch Man fanfic or what? It’s a worthless story if Naruto’s OP without rival.

What do I know though? I’m just one of many readers. You know, the life blood that makes a story worth writing for an author. If the story is bad, then you’re slowly gonna lose that blood, eventually give up and die.

Anyway, the main thing is that you need to take negative criticism into account and not just positive criticism. Seriously, I bet half these guys that like your stories don’t actually read anything. Most of them are just looking for lemons.

Sorry this comment was so long and if it offends you, but it had to be said. So, you can either respond back to me with positive acceptance like an author or with negative denial like a troll. You’re call.

Annabeth didn't freak out seeing Thalia?

Ok... so this is a harem but you have him hating men you sleep with multiple women. Also he was 3 in the first paragraph and 4 by the end of it. With in a minute...

shit fic

Sooo this is an OC called naruto, i already report this.

its really good storie please finish it

Reading this is painful, just 2 chapters in and I want to stop reading. The story is moving way to fast, scene transitions mostly. You move from you action to another too fast and don't give us a fair picture of what's going on. Slow down the story, put some honest to god thought into what you want this story to make us feel then highlight those emotions using your words. I can't enjoy a story that's moving at the speed of fucking light.

Kaguya isn't a greek name, its japanese with a hint of asian. So if your going to make him a demigod with a mother goddess that has a name that doesn't match the same religious nature of the topic then your trying to incorporate another religious Pantheon entirely. As such a different pantheon has different rules so I won't diss you for having Naruto's mother and grandfather train him. But you have to come up with solid reasons for why things happen. If you don't your going to get a lot of burns from the flames inevitably coming your way.

Another thing, character development. 2 chapters in I'm dissapointed. The first chapter alone should have been dedicated to describing Naruto's personality, who he is on the inside, the second chapter who he portrays himself to be using a mask if he has one and any friends he makes in camp. The beginning is SUPPOSED to be slow so you don't stumble and trip over your own words. There are so many plotholes in this fic it looks more like a moth eaten cloth at this point.

It's fine for Naruto to be godlike, honestly I live Godlike Naruto fics. But if he never has a challenge then there is no conflict. No conflict no real story, no story no fic. This is a half baked idea that will continue to be half baked until you give an honest effort to fix it. If you don't love writing I suggest you stop here. I heard somewhere that if you don't love what you do you won't past very long. It would save a lot of people some heartache if you stopped before you stumbled onto an award winning idea and later decided to give up on it.

One last thing before I sign off. Your grammar, not the best I've ever seen. But not the worst either, if your serious about writing then I suggest you find someone, either on fanfiction threads using the mobile app or someone in real life you feel would offer good un depth looks into your writing.

I'm somewhat harsh because I love reading fanfiction. I hate how some people come onto the site and half-ass their stories. Mistakes are easily forgiven, accidents happen, it's what reviews are for. Everyone starts off here as a noob. Nothing to be ashamed about. But if you don't take reviews like mine seriously, not mine specifically but reviews with genuine ideas to improve your writing ability, then you'll never grow.

As a reader we learn a lot about writers through their literature. What their feeling, how they communicate, their views of the world, etc. Some lucky few even make some worthwhile friends on fanfiction. I just hope you take what I said and seriously think about it. I know of a few authors you could learn from if your interested in improving your writing skill, just PM me or respond to this review and I could send you a small list. I don't know them personally, but I've read about half of the fics on alone throughout the years so I KNOW the authors that can help you. But convincing them your worth the effort is up to you. Get back to me if your interested.

Chao

Nice

Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.