An interesting idea, most Pokémon stories only show a "what if" or is a blatant fanservice. Your idea has merit with a good application, you promise and fulfill your stories.

I love how you set up what appears to me to be canon Ash. Kid loves Pokemon almost as much as he loves his mom. He has a great big heart, sweet kid. And he has basic knowledge of battling. But, he doesn't know the first thing about caring for Pokemon. Thank god Brock was there the whole first season or half of Ash's team would be dead.

Thanks for sharing this one shot. I liked it.

I love the idea. And would love for more, but that is entirely up to you if you want to continue. Just know that there are people who love what you do.

I liked this story, but I think it's good on it's own as it is now. A quick little bite-sized story about a mom who knows her kid wants something they aren't ready for, and a kid who needs to be convinced to listen to their parent. It's nice.

I don't like you leaving this as a one shot.
There is too much that's left hanging as it is now.
Having a random guy to come in to get Ash started while Oak talks a little bit with Delia and reasures her would be a better finish I think.
For me the scene simply feels incomplete.
Adding a list stolen from the 12 works of Heracles would have worked too.
Although that might not really fit with the tone of the rest of the story.
Although, Ash jumping headfirst in over the top adventures does fit.

Thank you for sharing this story with us readers.

well, so far I didn't see anything that annoyed me as a reader so that's good but I just wanted to warn you about writing descriptions and such because I read a fic yesterday that had a weird combination of too much and too little detail and at the time the details contradicted themselves.

It was really frustrating tbh like for example, they were describing a school that had an entrance hall and the dorms on the first floor but then it goes and says that there are stairs leading from the entrance had down into the dorm but both the dorms and the hall are on the same floor.

For the life of me, I could not understand what the hell they were trying to say. So please for my sanity try not to have contradictory descriptions. This is more of a rant sorry but god I want to help people avoid horrible cobfusing descriptions like that.

I like this the first time I read it and it reads good here. What I like about this it can go in any direction and from what I've seen of Pokemon fics it's not a common set up. It's just the bones of a story so I can't say much other then keep writing man and we'll see where this goes (if you keep writing it)!

I'd like another chapter or thirty, please. No rush, just... y'know, whenever you have the time.

The 'Ash, but more prepared' idea has just about been done to death. But this oneshot gives the trope some new life by focusing on just how Ash would realize he's unprepared, rather than gliding over it on track to a super-powered "mature" Ash. I appreciated your portrayal of Delia as a caring mother who nonetheless is prepared to hammer home some hard truths. I also appreciate her reasoning - the focus is on Ash being unequipped to deal with caring for his pokemon, and other mundane skills like map-reading. I like that Ash is actually more up to date on the battling-strategy side of things than Delia (with fairy types beating dragon), but her real point is his lack of real life experience. And it's true that without Misty and Brock, he really would have struggled with things like cooking his own food and not getting lost.

I think this works well as a one-shot, and I'm not left desperate to see where this AU world would go. If you do continue it, I would caution you against falling into the "Ash but better" mindset. An Ash who is better equipped to care for his pokemon and navigate daily life does not necessarily translate into a battling genius or overwrite his basically cheery and impulsive nature.

If you want to continue, the story will need a plot that hinges on more than "Ash is less of an idiot ten-year-old now!" You could do a series of self-contained oneshots that focus on particular elements of Ash's journey that might go differently with this change. One thing that could be interesting to explore is how Ash might interact differently with Misty and Brock, presuming he still met them. A story that focused on Ash's time at Oak's ranch could also be an interesting and original direction. I'd be curious to see how Ash and Gary's rivalry would develop in that changed context.

Hopefully that didn't exceed the mandate on "open to suggestions"! Honestly, it's just a relief to read in-character Ash, after all the stories desperate to replace him with their lifeless Gary Stus. Ash is no marvel of character creation, but he is exactly what he is, and in trying to "improve" him, ficcers tend to destroy the character's best traits.

I think we all know how this goes, sort of. I just hope we get to see him become a pokemon master and beat the elite four.

Hi, so I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I have a story called In my heart, if you could read it and comment on it I'd appreciate it. If you don't then whatever I'm cool with it, but this'll be the last chapter I read. For every comment I get I'll read and comment on tour newest chapters. Hope we can make this work.

Flux, I believe that this 'one-shot' has a lot of promise, and that it should be continued either with more chapters, or with a supplementary/second story, or more, for us to see how Ash 'matures' as he works for Professor Oak.

its very cool and original to me, i mean delia have great and logical points

Seeing how you are new to the Pokemon fanfiction section (or maybe not) it will be targeted by a group of egomaniac jerks who preach a twisted idea of how fanfiction should be. St Elmo's Fire is very likely to be this user who will post a review and not care one bit about you're story. They literally do it to everyone and never really follow or read it.

St Elmo's Fire and his friends go around being just a bunxh of jerks to users. In short I suspect he would complain about your summaey, capitalixing the name of your Pokemon, and writing the story in a way that isn't prose or some other nonsense.

Thsts not counting what he does to other users. Demanding you use a tag that doesn't really fit, yell at you for not explaining everything in the first chapter, using speach phases other then said, making aus or just as simple as having your characters say "Oh Arceus".

The guys group (Farla, Talarc, The Reeds of Enki) is best to ignore or block as they really don't help and are bettered blocked. Now with that said welcome to Pokemon fandom. I guess.

good job.

awesome i have always hatted how unprepared and stupid ash acts.