I only know Marvel stuff via films (I grew up on DC) but let me say that your sleek action style got me hooked.

I will be honest when I say that action scenes tend to be difficult since you need the right balance of description without the use of purple prose. You really packed a lot for a 3k chapter that's for sure!

The dark Avengers dlew6 over my head (barring Venom) but nothing a quick internet search won't fix. Norman Osborne's dialogue was good, though I will give you that.

I would like to know a timeline of events since we know that Steve is dead and Tony lost it after an invasion. Are we talking Civil War comics or something?

Either way, this was a really good start and you seem to do your research well what with the cars and weapons mentioned. I am totally excited to see what happens next.

(Also, word of advice, next time italicize foreign words)

Captain America: Out of Time

From WA here. I’m not fandom blind, but I’m neither an expert.

I really like your opening words. They’re enticing. They actually made me want to keep reading, so they are a good hook. But the setting for the story isn’t, well… set properly. I don’t know where this is happening till further down. And I was surprised to find that they were moving along a road… suggested by the line that describes Bucky manoeuvring his Harley. You first described Batroc jumping around cars, but I pictured everything at a stand still, so it was a bit of a jarring ‘image’ change in my mind. At first, I didn't even know they were on a street. And then later, James/Bucky is on a deserted expressway. To which he then swerves into an alleyway? Didn't know expressways had alleys. He’s then trying to avoid traffic and pedestrians… I can’t picture the scene. It’s all a bit confusing. I know it’s a moving scene, but the transitions weren’t that clear to me. Maybe set the scene a little earlier?

Further along, in the fight scene, I did find your telling of the types of vehicles slowed down the action a bit. Does it matter what cars he’s jumping on? Sometimes those little details slow action scenes.

I don’t understand why ‘the phrase he wants to yell’ is ‘tone deaf’? I don’t get the reference. But I like how you’re showing how Bucky wants to emulate Steve. It’s these little ‘asides’ (for lack of better word) that make the story more interesting. It gives depth to the characters without being too telly.

I did find a certain section a little contradictory. You spend a few paragraphs, although short, describing all the things Bucky is paying attention to… lamp posts, bullets whizzing by his head, bridge rails, pain in his arm (to which he actually reminisces about) ect. Then you start a new paragraph saying Bucky is only paying attention to one thing… Batroc. When clearly he’s not.

Overall, I found the opening action scene very hard to keep up with. Action scenes, especially moving ones, are hard to write. Marvel ones even harder- there is so much going on, so I empathize with how difficult it is to write this. Maybe taking out a bit of the action would make the scene clearer? I can’t keep track of all the things happening and it makes it hard to imagine it all happening in my head. Or perhaps, like I mentioned earlier, setting the scene a little better at the beginning so the reader doesn’t have to keep playing catch up in their heads.

Later on, the action seems a lot clearer. And I love the little thoughts James/Bucky has through out it. And your description of the chopper firing bullets at him, and how it sounded off his shield were really nice. This scene moved quick, and had a little humour. Maybe go over what you did here and apply it to the above stuff that isn’t so clear?

Oh, I have to mention a few word choices here… I’m guessing this is happening in America? And James is American, so the sudden appearance of the word ‘lorry’ to describe a truck seems out of place. Unless I misread the line. Also, you use ‘fetch’ a few times and I think you mean grab. Fetch implies going to get something, which I don’t think James is doing. He’s reaching and grabbing for his shield or luger. Later on, you say he loses feeling in his arms, then his extremities. Arms are extremities, so its redundant. And vision can’t be drowsy. He can be drowsy, but his vision would be blurry.

I think you’re missing some punctuation in the paragraph that starts… ‘James smirked as he extended his arm,…’ There are a few grammar/typo mistakes throughout, but nothing too big or distracting. I think you just missed some punctuation in places and a capital letter somewhere.

I really liked the ending of this chapter. I was laughing during the fight scene while Osborne kept trying to guess who James was. That combination of action and dialogue works very well. And I really loved the line about how James started this day just wanting Batroc. It gives a nice tie-in for the end of the chapter. But I don’t think the very last line is needed. I don’t know, it just kind of threw me out of the narrative. If there are more chapters to come, I think the preceding line is enough to entice readers to go on.

As for characterization, I really only know James, and what I know of him is from the movies. But I think you worked him quite well. I think his dialogue was fitting. I can’t say if the other characters are in-canon, but their dialogue seems reasonable and not disjointed or forced. And I got a very good understanding of Osborne just by his dialogue alone. Good job with him! Sorry I can’t help with more of that. I’m not familiar with Batroc, but his description is good- especially how you describe him. It’s showy, not telly. If you know what I mean. I like that.