Reviews for Seeking a Severely Average Man
Shadow and Moonlight chapter 8 . 5/29
Yay an update! :)
Esme wyn chapter 7 . 4/26
you've left me hanging.. that's not fair... plz complete this story, will u...
frickin nitemare chapter 7 . 3/21
"AARRGHH!" Malfoy woke with a start, sweat covering his whole body.
A dream - no a fucking nightmare! - like he'd never had before! Cuddling Potter! Fancying Potter! SHAGGING POTTER! He needed to owl his mother and organise a mind healer to meet him in Hogsmead this coming weekend. Fortunately it was only two days, but still.
He briefly considered if some potion or a substance had been slipped to him at dinner? Unlikely as the house elves would never allow it. He knew better than to ask Snape for any assistance. Chalk it up to experience and NEVER tell his father was best way to go.

Despite multiple sessions with various mind healers, Malfoy could not throw off the recurring dreams until end of school year.
He'd ended up a nervous wreak as even Pomfrey's dreamless sleep potions refused to work. They were vivid, detailed, varied and oh so bloody realistic!
He was listless, hardly slept and failed half his end of year exams. It had taken most of his father's influence, calling in multiple favours and a fifty thousand galleon contribution to the schools muggleborn education fund to keep him with his year mates. Having to repeat a year would mean so much loss of face, as to be fatal in Slytherin political circles.
That rage in his father's face - and him snapping his cane in half - when stood in headmaster's office as Dumbledore exceeding politely suggested that muggle fund donation, would never leave him. IF this continued next year, he'd find himself at Durmstrang before christmas.

As it was he expected extreme punishments from father during two month summer holidays. And of course Lucius Malfoy's punishments were nothing to laugh at. While nowhere near as pain inducing or sadistic as his aunt's famous rages, the prospect of facing those subtle paternal tortures made his blood run cold.
It was ALL POTTER'S FAULT! But the Gryffindor had ignored him since before that first dream. He couldn't imagine that stinking scarhead keeping silent if he had been involved? Mudblood bitch Granger wouldn't break the rules like that and Weasel was too stupid to accomplish anything so subtle.

Draco's problems disappeared during July and August at Malfoy Manor, but returned with avengeance after arriving back at Hogwarts. He was packed off to the Scandinavian school before beginning of October. Lack of rest, disorientation and nerves caused him to vomit spectacularly on arrival by portkey. That had been quite an ominous start to his new placement at the institute. It didn't get terribly better.

It took a further eight months to become free of those accursed dreams of being with Potter, kissing Potter, marrying Potter, HAVING POTTER'S BABIES and afterwards he never worked out where these perverse visions came from?
He had a very mediocre academic career at Durmstrang's and left England for good after he graduated. The humiliation of bumping into any of his former Hogwart's schoolmates coloring his choice. His going bald at twenty didn't help matters - he put that down to stress of his father being chucked in Azkban and losing more than three quarters of Malfoy fortune to fines. Living in Austria he found some success as an exotic potions and powders trader. He never had any desire to marry, as any sexual contact with others made him picture Potter's face as they were in throws of passion. Those green eyes filled with potent lust! Eeep! And of course those flashbacks were worse when he COULDN'T see Potter's face...

Voldemort's feeble attempt to return in 2041 was crushed by The Order of the Eternal Phoenix and Dumbledore's Legacy muggleborn group's Horcrux neutralizers. Harry Potter's soul fragment having been removed years earlier at St. Mungo's under supervision of Hermione Granger-Weasley and her daughter Rose Longbottom.
The Boy Who Lived frying the so called Dark Lord with a Muggle thermal lance was a final insult to Tom. As he turned it on Riddle's limbless body, it was rumoured the screams could be heard from outside the Shrieking Shack to other side of Hogwarts.

Draco Malfoy passed away from a particularly nasty strain of dragon pox in his ninety third year. Bald, wrinkled, bent and with sunken features, his remains could've been mistaken for a very tall house elf. Only two extremely distant relatives attended his funeral, and then that was mainly to see if he'd left any gold. It was not to be, as what little he owned was eaten up by providing him with medical care in those last few years.

(Fred and George's replacement of Draco's haircream with one of their more potent products was never detected. They smirked for weeks when the blonde ferret unknowingly packed up two full tubs when he left for Durmstrang!
It was only revealed in 2136 at reading of the late Fred's will. Their nine hundred relatives and friends filling the Brighton & Hove Quidditch stadium pissed themselves laughing for almost an hour! Harry had to be taken to New St. Mungo's for the strain on his elderly chest, but recovered in a couple of days. For generations to come wizards, witch's & even muggles would go out of their way to taunt a large portrait of Lucius and his son, which still hung in a quite corner of the Ministry atrium. Icing on cake of this would often be portrait Draco hurling insults back or breaking down in hysterical sobbing - which incited portrait Lucius to smack him across the back of the head!)
*** ***
Shadow and Moonlight chapter 7 . 3/23
Ooh it's starting to get juicy
Tom's peeps chapter 7 . 3/20
AARRGHH!" Malfoy woke with a start, sweat covering his whole body.
A dream - no a fucking nightmare! - like he'd never had before! Cuddling Potter! Fancying Potter! SHAGGING POTTER! He needed to owl his mother and organise a mind healer to meet him in Hogsmead this coming weekend. Fortunately it was only two days, but still.
He briefly considered if some potion or a substance had been slipped to him at dinner? Unlikely as the house elves would never allow it. He knew better than to ask Snape for any assistance. Chalk it up to experience and NEVER tell his father was best way to go.

Despite multiple sessions with various mind healers, Malfoy could not throw off the recurring dreams until end of school year.
He'd ended up a nervous wreak as even Pomfrey's dreamless sleep potions refused to work. They were vivid, detailed, varied and oh so bloody realistic!
He was listless, hardly slept and failed half his end of year exams. It had taken most of his father's influence, calling in multiple favours and a fifty thousand galleon contribution to the schools muggleborn education fund to keep him with his year mates. Having to repeat a year would mean so much loss of face, as to be fatal in Slytherin political circles.
That rage in his father's face - and him snapping his cane in half - when stood in headmaster's office as Dumbledore exceeding politely suggested that muggle fund donation, would never leave him. IF this continued next year, he'd find himself at Durmstrang before christmas.

As it was he expected extreme punishments from father during two month summer holidays. And of course Lucius Malfoy's punishments were nothing to laugh at. While nowhere near as pain inducing or sadistic as his aunt's famous rages, the prospect of facing those subtle paternal tortures made his blood run cold.
It was ALL POTTER'S FAULT! But the Gryffindor had ignored him since before that first dream. He couldn't imagine that stinking scarhead keeping silent if he had been involved? Mudblood bitch Granger wouldn't break the rules like that and Weasel was too stupid to accomplish anything so subtle.

Draco's problems disappeared during July and August at Malfoy Manor, but returned with avengeance after arriving back at Hogwarts. He was packed off to the Scandinavian school before beginning of October. Lack of rest, disorientation and nerves caused him to vomit spectacularly on arrival by portkey. That had been quite an ominous start to his new placement at the institute. It didn't get terribly better.

It took a further eight months to become free of those accursed dreams of being with Potter, kissing Potter, marrying Potter, HAVING POTTER'S BABIES and afterwards he never worked out where these perverse visions came from?
He had a very mediocre academic career at Durmstrang's and left England for good after he graduated. The humiliation of bumping into any of his former Hogwart's schoolmates coloring his choice. His going bald at twenty didn't help matters - he put that down to stress of his father being chucked in Azkban and losing more than three quarters of Malfoy fortune to fines. Living in Austria he found some success as an exotic potions and powders trader. He never had any desire to marry, as any sexual contact with others made him picture Potter's face as they were in throws of passion. Those green eyes filled with potent lust! Eeep! And of course those flashbacks were worse when he COULDN'T see Potter's face...

Voldemort's feeble attempt to return in 2041 was crushed by The Order of the Eternal Phoenix and Dumbledore's Legacy muggleborn group's Horcrux neutralizers. Harry Potter's soul fragment having been removed years earlier at St. Mungo's under supervision of Hermione Granger-Weasley and her daughter Rose Longbottom.
The Boy Who Lived frying the so called Dark Lord with a Muggle thermal lance was a final insult to Tom. As he turned it on Riddle's limbless body, it was rumoured the screams could be heard from outside the Shrieking Shack to other side of Hogwarts.

Draco Malfoy passed away from a particularly nasty strain of dragon pox in his ninety third year. Bald, wrinkled, bent and with sunken features, his remains could've been mistaken for a very tall house elf. Only two extremely distant relatives attended his funeral, and then that was mainly to see if he'd left any gold. It was not to be, as what little he owned was eaten up by providing him with medical care in those last few years.

(Fred and George's replacement of Draco's haircream with one of their more potent products was never detected. They smirked for weeks when the blonde ferret unknowingly packed up two full tubs when he left for Durmstrang!
It was only revealed in 2136 at reading of the late Fred's will. Their nine hundred relatives and friends filling the Brighton & Hove Quidditch stadium pissed themselves laughing for almost an hour! Harry had to be taken to New St. Mungo's for the strain on his elderly chest, but recovered in a couple of days. For generations to come wizards, witch's & even muggles would go out of their way to taunt a large portrait of Lucius and his son, which still hung in a quite corner of the Ministry atrium. Icing on cake of this would often be portrait Draco hurling insults back or breaking down in hysterical sobbing - which incited portrait Lucius to smack him across the back of the head!)
MrsSlythindor chapter 7 . 3/21
Now that Bellatrix has been introduced it's getting really interesting...I am even more intrigued than a few chapters before. Don't keep us waiting too long ;)
Vristi chapter 6 . 1/19
Yay!
Ilamay chapter 6 . 1/17
WOW! Draco's family is so bad... Love the story. )
MrsSlythindor chapter 6 . 1/10
I am glad you are back and I really hope the next chapter won't takes too long :-)
Klinemen chapter 6 . 1/4
Seeking a Severely Better Author.?:
You seem to have fallen into to many of the drarry trapped clichés?
No one seems to be able to avoid them now and originality in writing this ship has sunk to an all time low.
Bet a computer programmed with all these tropes and memes would do better job than 95% of posters on here?
Shadow and Moonlight chapter 6 . 1/4
I'm so glad this fic is back ️
ookami-metsuki chapter 6 . 1/3
I'm so happy you're in a good space for writing again! I have a story I've been working on for six years- I think the average update is once a year - less, maybe. I don't know why it's so hard to get the story out, but it's a victory each time I manage one. I enjoyed reading this thoroughly, and am looking forward to the next chapter, whether it comes out tomorrow or a couple years down the line. Happy New Year!
MrsSlythindor chapter 5 . 8/8/2019
Oh, I love it. Harry's background story is really heartbreaking. I hope Lily will get better? And Draco, the infamous ice prince. Will love melt his frozen heart? I am so looking forward to the next chapters! I hope you will update sooooon :)!
Athena Gia Ma'at chapter 5 . 7/11/2019
Color me impressed. I don't usually like fake dating to real dating because the concept is so overdone, but I'm extremely excited to see where this goes! Can't wait for the chapters to come.
Ilamay chapter 5 . 7/2/2019
OMG! That was hilarious! Love it. )
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