It’s a sunny day in the Hundred-Acre wood. In these English forests of enchantment, we find our pal Rabbit about to check upon his vegetable garden. OH NO! Eeyore the jackass has gotten onto Rabbit’s land and has started devouring the greens and roots like a famished Serb.

“Eeyore! This have no pardon!”

“Oh yeah?” questioned Eeyore, that depressed donkey of a thistle diet and boggy house. “Maybe, Rabbit, my lagomorph neighbor, you’ll enjoy it more if you sucking my stuffed Perissodactyla penis?”

Rabbit got shocked and gasped! He saw that gray-blue phallus right now and got frightened for Eeyore was going to rape the poor green bunny.

“Okay Rabbit, now drain these mammalian balls of mind?!” threated Eeyore, a nightmarish bray in his vocal cords.

“NO! Get off of my property right now, you hoofed sexual offender!” But Eeyore marched closer.

Then thankfully, Tigger, that striped feline of jovial youth came bouncing about. He tackled Eeyore.
“You had better respect the rights of all living things, you pitiful equid!” and Tigger waterboarded him in a shallow cheek before leaving him to die cold in the deepest of the wood’s groves. Rabbit was all hot and bothered by this, like a polar bear in the Mojave Desert.

“Oh Tigger, you saved me from a ghastly violation! Let me reward you!” And Rabbit displayed his yellow rear into the air like many a college-aged British girl.

“YOU MEAN I CAN BOUNCE YOU, LONG EARS?!” ejaculated (geddit?!) the toy tiger of Christopher Robin, a sound like the madness of an ice wizard in his throat. Tigger too this chance and bred with his foil of the Leporidae family. Rabbit is in fact an Aztlanolagus agilis, he should be dead and in the fossil record of Northern Mexico, but then again, a bear is walking upon modern English soil.

Tigger fucked the extinct mammal into submission. “Oh Rabbit, it means a lot you entrust me to take this virginity from you!” Then Pooh, Piglet, and Owl walk by.

“What the fuck is going on here?” questioned Piglet in his thick Welsh accent.

“They are partaking in the vices of tetrapod flesh, however Rabbit lacks ovaries so thankfully the population of this forest shall not increase!” explained Pooh wisely and smugly.

“A good idea, too. As we are running short of natural resources in these woodlands.” concluded his avian friend of cultured readings and Sunday afternoon croquet. Barry White’s early music began to play to this stunning display of homosexual public Coitus interruptus. Eeyore watched from a distance in the frozen shallows of rejection and loneliness.

He knew he had ost.