Can’t wait for the next chapter

I really like your story but your dialogue is terrible also how you write people’s reaction are not good. If someone looking like a Targaryen came flying in then that dragon started talking they’d be freaking the fuck out, specially aemon because to this world dragons are just dumb animals like a horse. Also if anyone in this world saw DB use the voice or any magic they’d freak out even more and would not trust this person if he used his magic to hurt one of there men even if that man is a asshole. Joer would be treating DB as someone who is okay with holding his power over people to get what he wants because that is pretty much what he did at the end of that meeting. You should of instead let the character sit down and talk, this would of let jeor get to understand DB character and would make a good reason to trust DB when it came the Others. Also the whole dragon soul madness kinda fills like a caugh up for why your DB is a asshole to all his friends. When he talk about loving the fight before i just thought it was because he was a nord because they all love fighting so when he said it was because his dragon soul I didn’t really buy it. Maybe if there was better showing of this or maybe have a point before where he had a internal dialogue about how this dragon soul effects him idk but i wish you plan it better

Not bad. Aemon gets to have some fun at the cost of the haughty huntress. Given how unpleasant life is at the Wall, I can't blame him for getting his kicks in where he can. You did fairly well writing from the POV of a blind man, save for one thing:

How would Aemon know the flames were dancing, or that the collapsing log sending up sparks? The language should reflect that Aemon suspects or heard that that occurred, not that he knew from looking at it or that he started into the fire pit.

The characters were fairly in-character, IMO. Aela is getting called on her secrets and the fact that she, apparently, slept with Ralof on Darion's ship. I didn't get the full context of what she did until Darion pointed out that she slept with his best friend on HIS ship.

That's roughly the Skyrim equivalent of sleeping with Darion's brother in Darion's own bed. That's a giant middle finger she flipped him. Unless she faked sleeping with Ralof, just drug his drunken self to bed and slept on the floor or something like that, which still wouldn't explain why they were both naked, I'd say she utterly ruined her chances with Darion. She went too low, too far, too fast, as they say.

Add into that her accusations against Darion, saying he really didn't look for Ralof, and that she DENIED sleeping with Ralof when Darion knows that they at least shared a room, even if they didn't have sex(it was certainly implied that they did!) and her credibility is nuked with Darion. Fond of her as he may be, there is being angry with someone and then there is being deliberately disrespectful and acting out of spite, then maligning Darion's character, and then lying to cover up her own actions.

Darion's temper and love of battle makes sense given the immense power of the Dragonborn. In Star Wars KOTOR II Darth Traya said of Darth Nihlius: "One cannot have the amount of power he has and still be a man." In Darion's case, that means that the character is something different, not better, than man. Darion becoming more dragonish or less considerate of moral matters as he grows stronger fits that pattern that Dany exhibited when she burned King's Landing. As D and D said, she was above the fray, she thought herself beyond it, and if she had been seeing things on the ground from a human perspective she never would have acted as she did.

Again, a different perspective, not a superior one, as she found out the hard way.

She saw things from the dragon's viewpoint, as Darion is struggling with now.

What Darion needs to do is channel that love of fighting into a love of being challenged in battle, not a love of killing in battle.

Maybe Darion could use the shout that alduin used to resurrect dead dragons on durnehviir, give him life again. Properly this time

nice

Nice

hmm interesting comparison about the Dragonborn and Targaryans, hadn't thought of that before.

Also the talk of fear and loyalty actually made me think of the philosiphies of the Way of the Open Hand and the Way of the Closed Fist in Jade Empire.

And here is where I stop, having Aela slept with Ralof killed this story for me, more after reading that she was interested in the dragonborn but still fucked his "best friend".

Viserys is a mad dog by the time we get around to anything he'll bite someone who will realize what had to be done with him not Ol Yeller's fault he's a monster but there's only one thing to be done about it and that's what it is not being a hero or justice or even vengeance

Tywin is an evil man and a terrible father but he is an excellent ruler

Cersei only loves her children as an extension of herself like Catelyn completely incapable of understanding others love their spouses, children, siblings, and parents as much as she does

justice delayed is not justice denied

rules for rulers starving disconnected illiterate peasants do not make good revolutionaries

During her time as Queen Rhaella's lady-in-waiting, Joanna had befriended the Princess of Dorne, another member of the court. The Dornish Princess had two children, Oberyn and Elia Martell, who were not yet promised in marriage, so the two women planned to have their children be wed to each other.
In 273 AC, Joanna died birthing her youngest son, the dwarf Tyrion, while the Martells were on their way to Casterly Rock. Once confronted on the subject, Tywin bluntly refused all the offers (Jaime wed to Elia, Cersei wed to Oberyn, or both), and instead offered newborn Tyrion for Elia, an offer meant to be insulting

Everyone but Robert says Rhaegar was something out of a fairy tale kind and wise an incredible warrior and musician The Durrandons were always the greatest warriors in Westeros and Westeros has this idiotic idea that swords are best weapons the end even the Mad King wouldn't harm his own blood that is just how Westeros thinks

I think Shadow would be better than Shaggydog

Stannis was an old man even as a young boy, possibly autistic he excels at war and law but inept at social interaction maybe childlike in that the law is the law is the law the end

The Targaryeans were least among the forty families of dragonlords

Archon was the title for times of crisis ruler of nation elected by lord freeholders

All free men who owned land had a vote in theory in practice old, rich, and/or powerful sorcerous families and the forty families of dragonlords mightiest among them tended to dominate

They allowed freedom of religion as opiate of the masses one day things will get better but didn't believe in any themselves they may have paid lip service however

The Valyrians made slaves work themselves to death in countless numbers

Not all prophecies are useless, but none are certain, some are just self-fulfilling, and most are vague nonsense. People remember the prophecies that come true, not the ones that don’t

Tied to belief I always thought it was because so many royal families were founded by sorcerers, wargs, and etc.

The incest you can only bend nature (even if to pre-industrial peoples is a ruthless, brutal, and cruel b word before modern medicine and transportation harmony with nature is a city dweller concept) in ways it wasn't meant to bend before it breaks and rapes you back akin to pollution and global warming it's your descendants who answer for your crimes, sins, ignorance, arrogance, and/or stupidity

We don't inherit from our ancestors we rent from our descendants

Freakynomics crime doesn't pay enough

As a writer, journalism major, and amateur reader of history, Martin knows basically nothing about even basic economic principles. It shows.

Supposedly knowledgeable characters treat Robert and Littlefinger's massive spending as a detriment to a realm, with Ned in particular citing the lack of gold in the royal vaults (as opposed to when Aerys ruled) as evidence of Robert's mismanagement. In real life, loaning and investing money is what a government is supposed to do, and keeping everything locked up is simply wasting it. Robert's investments had a demonstrably great return (Littlefinger increased the crown's incomes ten-fold, King's Landing is more prosperous than ever a mere decade after Tywin brutally sacked it, the Royal Fleet is back to over a hundred war galleys and tens of thousands of men after it got wiped out by a storm a decade earlier and further reduced in the Greyjoy Rebellion, maritime trade is booming to the extent that Stannis can seize hundreds of traders' ships on short notice at the secondary port of Dragonstone), and the debt he accumulated was explicitly not enough that he couldn't easily pay it off (it's stated in the fourth book that payments were still being made on time even in the middle of the brutal continent-wrecking War of the Five Kings), so really, he's the most economically competent king Westeros ever had.

Speaking of loans, a debt of 2 million gold dragonsnetover 15 years to the Iron Bank is treated as a significant burden. Not only does this totally ignore the massive positive effects on the crown's credit of making 15 years of consistent payments, it's also not consistent with previous figures given: Robert could afford to casually give away 100,000 gold dragons as a reward for a jousting tournament, yet a mere twenty times that is supposedly a big deal for a continent to pay off.

The gold dragon in general arbitrarily changes value depending on the chapter. A mercenary fleet under Sallador Saan (29 ships and thousands of men) costs Stannis 30,000 a month to operate, and yet Anguy the archer manages to spend 20,000 in a couple weeks on whores, booze, a nice pair of boots and a good dagger.

Braavos is somehow a significant trade city despite being totally isolated from all known trade routes. Its position on the map roughly parallels that of St. Petersburg, Russia (far in the northeast with the only convenient sea connection being to the North), for a city that's supposed to be in the position of Venice, Italy (which was located at the heart of the Mediterranean and Europe in general).

The Twins are supposed to have made the Freys very wealthy, due to giving them the only overland route to the North, ostensibly a major trade node. Ignoring the North's lack of tradeable goods due to its poverty or the fact that it's a thousand miles through taiga and swamp from the Twins until you reach the nearest city, a miniscule amount of trade in the medieval era took place by land (less than 10%), so control over this point should really offer the Freys very little.

Tywin Lannister is somehow the richest man in Westeros because he owns many gold mines and has produced vast quantities of gold for literally generations, and yet he has more objective wealth than Mace Tyrell, who controls a population three times as large and produces most of the realm's food, in a world where winters can last for years and where storing vast amounts of food for winter is the difference between life and death. The Lannisters also never seem to suffer the logical consequences of churning out limitless amounts of gold for over a thousand years, which would be hyperinflation and a drop in value of said gold (cf. the result of the Spanish stumbling across an effectively infinite supply of silver in the form of the New World).

Slaver's Bay sustains itself by buying slaves, training them, and reselling them. Given that they must pay for at least a decade of the slave's shelter and provisions, this is completely impossible. Particularly for the Unsullied, which are raised from childhood and have an 80% death rate in training.

Dull is the blade of the lazy warrior hesitate to call a warrior at all, a blowhard and a braggart perhaps but a warrior I think not

I always wanted Ironwood ships Fleet

Thinking Black Harbor (perhaps dragonglass) for Western Coast of North rebuilt fleet

Maot Cailin rebuilt

If not afraid than not courage just stupidity

armies of their chimeras dragon/wyvern/wolf/shadowcat/avian/snakescorpion tails/fauna/crusta/floramen and wood(straw/leather scarecrow)/stone(gems)/magma valyrian steel/aetherium golems(giants/Titans) with swords tridents and shields electoo finger laserguns that would be better workforce and soldiers

Beskha and Amaya

wow

Nice. Thx

I like this story. It's different from the usual Skyrim/GoT crossover, with enough flair and character drama to keep the reader's attention for a good amount time after reading each individual chapter.

Points for making The Dragonborn a Stormcloak. Most side with the Empire during their runs, including me, but I like the originality and conflict that being a Stormcloak has brought into the story. Quite frankly I, for the most part, sympathize with the Stormcloaks, and would join them if it was not for their treatment of the Argonians(my favorite player race).

Darion seems a little young for a heroic savior, and I'd suggest bringing that into the battlefield, both with people underestimating him for his young and by having him make mistakes due to being too passionate. As they say, swords cut both ways.

As for the romance... Aela is one of my favs. I would, however, say that Darion should not end up with her in this story, for the simple reason that she slept with his best friend. A step too far on her part, IMO.

Yes, Darion rejected/neglected a romance with her. However, "moving on" with your former interest's best friend is one of the most horrific things one can do to a former love interest. It complicates a friendship in addition to complicating a former relationship, and most times the best friend is being "settled" on or being picked due to their similarity to the main hero.

So, I like the element of conflict that brings, but I would not pair Darion/Aela in this story. If it is Darion/Dany he'd need to challenge her openly. Dany's flaw, visible in her speeches on Dragonstone to Jon, was not an initial madness, but self-righteousness and entitlement.

She told the grandson of a man she knew her family had murdered to kneel before her because of her birthright. A birthright she legally lost when Robert seized the throne, Right of Conquest. In essence, demanding Jon kneel in spite of the wrongs her family had done to his, and in the name of right and authority she did not legally have in the first place. To top that off, she decided that "destiny," an amorphous concept, was what was giving her faith in herself. That's a justification for thinking oneself an untouchable figure, above the law.

Darion would need to oppose her, with words not weapons, in order to make her a better ruler, and he might draw some parallels between her and Ulfric to boot.

Like I said, I like this story overall, and I look forward to more!

loving this so far

This story is VERY interesting. Keep it up!

I am very much enjoying this, still. Good job.

This chapter really showed off the casual power of Darion compared to the rest.