Paul x Annabeth

So imma say this from a cynical point of view (even though I loved the story and jacked off about three times reading it)...
The story could do with some more... spice. I mean, the story kinda has loads of spice and cum, it seriously deserves some more straight-pointers on the Fernando-Nikki thingy and a bit more about Perachel and the others.
Also, the beginning was a bit too fast-paced, while the intercourse part was dragged out. You could easily have put in a few more shots down when Percy talked about Annabeth.
And, most of all, I wanna point out the POV dilemma. I'm sure somebody else is gonna talk about it, but I wanna say it anyway. So, sometimes, you just shift from third-person to Nikki to Percy, and it's all in one paragraph.
As I said, this was all from a cynical pov. This is only so that the upcoming chapters work out better. Not that it's got many faults. Anyhow, I loved this chapter. Really horny to imagine Nikki wearing blue lingerie, so I count that as a major win.

Kudos!
Another great chapter!
RomanArt74

Please don't let Matt Fuck Annabeth
I'm okay if he has his way with Nancy or so, but not her
Also, pretty sure Annabeth would break his body in so many different ways he won't be able to ever fuck anyone ever again

Hey can you fix the grammar, it's not totally confusing but can you be more descriptive than just saying "liked" and "better" a million times. Some of the sentences don't make a lot of sense

I mean this has gotten pretty weird but, it is very interesting

NICE STORY

How about a chapter where Zia hears about Percy's adventures from other girls and can't stop fantasising about him, then she comes onto him in the locker room?

Ew please don't let Annabeth fuck Matt Sloan, that's gross

y

yeah you did the right thing getting rid of the steroid parts

what class will be next? History? Or a parent-teacher conference? YOu could have Percy meet a hot MILF, Paul could stray, could even shack up Sally w. Matt Sloan.

To reiterate, the steroid argument is actually even more potent given that he's a teenager. Erectile dysfunction, breast development, hip malformation. Honestly, it's a miracle that he's getting laid at all

Listen... I uh... I hate to break it to you, but by writing in the use of steroids, you literally just crippled Matt in the sack. Just look up the effects yourself if you don't believe me. But unless you have Matt equipped with some ridiculous endowment prior to the steroids (unlikely since he's still a teenager), he's not packing anything bigger than four inches with testicles the size of raisins.

I get this is Fanfiction, but implementing steroids is definitely a subject you want to show accurately.

no matt, that percy hit him and sends him to the hospital

please dont matt

Get Matt use the vid to fuck Annabeth too