Ima see where this story goes

Is this story dead?

Corrections:
*Pyrrha wared with herself. She knew it was ...*

"warred"

*... standing tall as it's time tested protector.*

"Its" not "it's". Possessive, not contraction.

*It's frayed edges and broken lock seemingly mattered very little to her ...*

"its" not "it's".

*Pyrrha felt a cold pit form in the pit of her stomach. *

Replace that first "pit" with "knot", maybe "sensation" or "void".

*It's creaks and groans did nothing to sooth Pyrrha's anxiety, *

"its" not "it's".

*... unyielding look affixed to her normally docile friends face. *

"friend's".

*The mornings first rays of sunlight were just beginning to peek into the room ...*

"morning's".

*... prepared to deal with the challenges beacon presents."*

"Beacon".

*The remainder of team rwby stood in disbelief as Weiss apologized to Jaune of all people!*

"RWBY", acronym and name so capitals. See also CIA or KGB etc.

*... the elevator came to a smooth stop, it's doors sliding open.*

"its" not "it's".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Comments

Unlike others I won't give you grief over the Pyrrha/Cinder past.

It's been done enough to excuse "Knightfall" pairings, so I fail to see the reason why Pyrrha couldn't have a link with her instead.

Although, it makes canon Cinder's lack of knowledge about Pyrrha's Semblance, so that Mercury had to fight her, a bit of a plot hole.

While it does enhance the "Do you believe in destiny" line and why it haunts Miss Fall so much.

*shrugs*

I find Pyrrha talking to Weiss far more OOC, as the former knows how much the latter despises Jaune at that point.

Talking to her about Jaune's issues... Might as well talk to Cardin about them, just because he appeared "genuine".

Also less than pleased about you poking fun at the mentally handicapped, as that's how the subsequent scenes with Weiss "felt" to me.

Again, I'm questioning why this story has the romance tag as outside of Jaune's delusions about Weiss.

There's no foundation for any romance whatsoever. Well, discounting Renora that is, but they're not the principle characters of this story.

I may be an Arkos shipper, but these particular versions of Jaune and Pyrrha are Ill suited for each other.

And a romantic relationship would only end up in tears and recriminations. What with Pyrrha's lack of trustworthiness and Jaune's obsession with Weiss.

Both characters are liable to stray based upon how you've presented them thus far.

And neither character deserves such treatment.

You'd be better off swapping the romance tag with the drama one. Far more apt considering all you've done thus far and will continue to do by the looks of things.

*shrugs*

I take back what I said, I thought this was going to be different, maybe even had potential. I have nothing more to say about this

Oh my gosh. Yeah, Jaune's real, uh, he's real special all right.

An amusing little story you got here.

I'm gonna go finish laughing now.

I agree with other reviewers that Weiss would never fall for this, but overall good job, now trough I hope Oz will face severe consequences for putting Jaune as a leader of all people( if he changes his place with Ren and forces him to having at least a certain level of grades, is enough). Good work.

Hold up... does this mean that Weiss truly believes that Beacon - a school intended to train Huntsmen and Huntresses - trains the mentally disabled to fight Grimm? And that Ozpin took someone in that state, and not only accepted him but made him a team leader?

For real?

I think that, even at her snottiest, Weiss, and all the kids really, would be sufficiently disturbed by the notion of exploiting the mentally disabled to make a ruckus about it, or at least bring it to Ozpin.

This chapter gave me mixed feelings
Making your own backstory for characters and using them to further the plot is ok
But Pyhrra and Cinder childhood friends? Will Pyhrra join Salem? Will we have a Fall Maiden tag team before Cinder stabs Pyhrra in the back?

You're really going to make it so Pyrrha knows Cinder? Really? The contrivance of "Pyrrha refused to teach Jaune because of a trauma in her past" is dumb enough, but as far as "changes to canon so a character actually knows another character" this is a really bad one.

Also now Weiss think Jaune is mentally disabled, because "hilarious" misunderstanding. It's the laziest kind of humour and someone as well written as you is better than that.

W-ell, perhaps I was a tad harsh to Pyra, she definitely isn’t as unlikeable as in Tournament Arc

And my fears were proven right. This is just another one of those generic fics where a character of the author’s choosing acts like the worst scum of the earth and break Jaune’s heart so other characters can go “poor baby” then the villain realizes their mistake and apologize.

I feel like an absolute idiot for giving this fanfic a try. It was just a waste of everyone’s time.

Xavier's School for Gifted Children? Oh boy, things are about to go to a whole new level of weird.

great chapter, I still believe that all of team rwby (with weiss being the last) will eventually join in to help jaune get stronger along with ren and nora, with pyrrha still refusing to help, if this story follows canon how much does anyone want to bet that jaune will save pyrrha from getting burned alive by cinder, most likely distracting cinder long enough for pyrrha to escape and for help to arrive before he gets killed? , keep up the good work :)

This is an interesting concept, I have a couple of complaints on how you decide to take a more 'realistic' approach with pyrrha but then immediately let Ren and Nora help her. It seems more as if you're trying to bash Pyrrha but it seems like you've acknowledged that with how 'weird' pyrrha was acting.

Sidenote, wouldn't it just make sense to update crocea mors to become two-handed and let yatsuhashi train him? Still keep crocea mors and Jaune's style of combat and can make him keep on improving.

Giving him a two handed weapon, such as a greatsword, allowing Nora to pass on general strength and stamina tips, and giving Yatsu the ability to teach him the finer points, or a polearm, which would allow Ruby to impart some knowledge onto him, makes the most sense to me. HtH would make sense if you didnt realize that Yang's semblance let's her tank because it allows her to hit even harder. Jaune would have to use gauntlets or claws to deal damage, but his tanking capabilities go out the window. Having high aura doesnt mean anything if you lose it all tanking. You have to have another form of protection or skillset to tank effectively. Such as a shield, a large weapon to keep distance, or a semblance that allows such a fighting style. A sword and shield isnt the hardest to learn. Once you learn to avoid chopping you own arm off, swordplay requires good footwork and proper technique, that can be learned, especially considering how quickly Jaune learns. Having no teacher doesnt help, but Velvet could teach with her semblance, and even just watching Blake and Weiss fight can help, despite very clear differences. Weiss is the worst choice however, due to a rapier and arming sword having two seperate fighting styles, one being all stabs, while an arming sword requires swings. And despite how much I dislike Pyrhaa in this fic, I'm interested to see more. Pyrhaa is very much a hypocrite in this fic. Instead of either helping Jaune become better, or reporting him and getting him expelled, she does nothing but cause tension and strain between her team, while not removing or aiding the one she says can get them killed.