Hi, so this is an interesting story idea, it has potential but there are a lot of typos and what seems to be unfinished sentences/ideas where you meant to go back and flesh out. Sadly, I had to stop reading because it was getting to be way to much.

Somethings that may help are to reread in out loud, read it to someone or have them read it. Never be afraid to ask. I know it can be terrifying but you’ve already done the hardest part I think, which is to publish it for an audience, so you got that going for you!

Again, this concept seems interesting and your overall story seems good, you just need to really polish it up.