i love you're story so much, u have to finish it... i have read a ton of these thins and yours is one of my favourites, ur an amazing author

Well I gave it a chance, and I read it through, and I think this story is brilliant, well written, normally the type I look for, but Ali kind of spoiled it for me. Don't change it, im sure many other people love your story the way it is, I just prefer canon characters I guess!

Keep writing, Stephanie-Lou

Ali, bit of a Mary-Sue no? hm, I'll keep reading, give it a chance, but she'd so better not be a Mary-Sue, I was enjoying this story!

great story keep it up

u ned more action, dueling, actually writing what hapens inthe duel, ur story is good but its getting lamew with all the mushy stuff. but with morea ction itll be graet

I found your story this morning and have been reading it all day.

Your writing is very good and although I'm not generally too fond of OCs that become romantic interests within two chapters, yours are written well enough to want me to stick with the story.

The pacing is excellent and you've managed to keep the original characters very much in, well, character. Not many authors can do that.

The only thing I think you should pay a bit more attention to is some plot holes that tend to come up fairly often. For example: a couple of chapters ago, Dumbledore said that both Ali and her aunt have joined the Order. If that's the case, then at least one of them should have been at a meeting and Remus would have met them. Another one: How did the DEs find the headquarters? Even if Pettigrew was there, he was not the secret keeper for the location so he wouldn't have been able to lead them there. Also, we know from OOTP that Order members have ways to contact one another. There's no reason Dumbledore wouldn't have found out about the loss of the headquarters within a few hours. Even an owl would have been much faster than Padfoot. And how did Lestrange make it to the Gryffindor tower? I think you should have spent a bit of time coming up with explanations for these. Even a weak explanation is better than none.

Other than that, great job. I'm off to read the rest of it.

please try to update... i know your busy.. its totaly coo.. but please please please try to be unbusy (lol)...so i know i'll shut up you have a life but... yea well when you get a chance

good so far

just thought that id let you know that i am really enjoying the story. especially becasue sirius is back- who is i think one of the best characters! hope that you update soon,

luv PFxx

I don't think I'm going to read any more since nothing is happening. Voldy is killing people and Harry is sitting around doing absolutly nothing not even preparing for battle. Did I mention that he hasn't used any spells and we are in chapter 13. Usually something badass happens where he does wandless magic or he actually does magic, but all his friends are doing everything even with the confrontation with malfoy he didn't do anything. Another thing is lots of people are dieing and he's playing quiditch.

Harry seems like the biggest panzy right now i want to kick his ass for never being around to throw out beat downs. Anyway his girlfriend probably could woop his ass and that isn't right, so I believe Harry should get a chance to throw out some curses because he hasn't performed any during the whole story unless you include his failed defence shield.

I think that Harry would be more focused on the asskicking, and wouldn't want a girlfriend. whatever though i like the ending.

No offence, but where is the action. All the action is happening outside of school and why isn't Harry preparing to become an asskicker?

Good chapter, but I spotted one error, which is Katie bell was a 6th year so she would be a 7th year in Harry's 6th and would still be on the team I believe. I like how you had more than one transfered student because usually fanfics have one transfer student that happens to become a gryffindor.

You're right I was practicaly gagging on fluff, but I think you're getting the characteristics of the main people down except I can't see Sirius saying he loves Harry openly. I think thats why JKR killed him off so she didn't have to have him saying it. (love insinuated by the reader between the two). the actual book I think Harry will want more revenge and have a renewed determination for belatrix and voldy.