Awesome story! Wasn't it Tanya who was the little sister type to Draco though?

I made it to chapter 4 and I couldn't go any farther. There just seems to be to many flashbacks and half of it already doesn't make much sense. Since when does Harry and Draco hang out or talk, much less end up best buds. I think its moving a bit fast and needs to slow down a bit. Please don't take this as a flame, because it isn't. I know this came out meaner than I hoped but I'm trying to give constructive criticism. I'm trying to give this a try and hope against hope that it will calm down farther into the story.

Star*****

Hey there, haven't really read much of your story but thought I should tell you that I think that warning in the summary of it being terrible writing is unnecessary...I've seen WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY worse lol

wasn't draco a virgin? he told harry that they couldn't have sex at hogwarts because it would be like cheating on his mate

I know you completed this fanfiction...But this is my first time reading it. I thought you should know that it was amazing and i loved it!

keep Writitng

this was really cute!

I really like your fic ! It's the first I read in English (I'm french, and I just understand English, I don't speak very much(and well)). this fic is really different of those writted in French (which are allways the sames when Draco is a veela).

A French lesson :

I went on your homepage, and I saw your " Je t'aime les Doumeki/..." : it's as you said "I love you the ...", instead of, you can better say : "J'aime les Doumeki/..."

Thanks a lot for this story, and sorry for the lesson and for speaking English like a Spanish cow (french saying).

With a promising story line and 101 reviews I expected this to be a good fic but you sorta let me down already in the first chapter and in the end made me give up on this already in the 5th chapter.

I don't really know what to say but seriously, the first thing to bother me was;

Why did Draco contact Harry from the start in the first flashback? You made no explanation to that, it was just an assumption that they didn't hate each other anymore and were happily friends. (where they even friends?)

There are too many flashbacks for my liking. Either you make the flashbacks and the present into two different stories or you lay back on the flashbacks. Right now Harry seems to get flashbacks every second that passes him, and does that mean that that has happened ever since he left Hogwarts? That just seems not likely.

This is not all (like I feel it's too plain, you should get more emotions into it. Go deeper.) but I don’t want to stretch the review any longer and frankly I’m too lazy to type anymore.

No, sorry I can't say I like your story. I don't mean to sound harsh or anything but this is just how I feel.

I seriously hope you wont take this too hard on yourself and that you'll continue writing, coz really, training gives perfection and everyone can improve if they just want to.

Good Luck with any future stories you may write. Take care-

Haku~

Um.. Okay so basically.. I know its finished and all but I couldnt even get past chapter 4, in all honesty.

Was this written by a 8 year old? The sentence structers are in the simplest forms, sometimes not even full sentences. You barely scratch the surface with anything. I honestly felt like I was readong something like this: "Harry went to bed. Harry had a dream. It was about Draco. Harry woke up and looked around his new apartment. He had a playstation yay!"

Wheres the depth?

And your tenses? In telling stories, unless youre really good, past tense is what is used. And and..

Just wow. And you switched tenses by the way. This was just. I dont know how people said it was "wonderful!". Its a let down to All Draco/Harry readers, the good ones at least.

Here, Ill guide you in the direction of some good ones )

Even this one!

Look, I know this is coming off mean and sorry, but I just searched for an hour and a half for a good fic, and I thought the story line in this sounded cool so I was just disapointed when I opened it... But it did sound like a good story line. Anyway

it was absoluntly brilliant! i loved it! nice one!

I don't know about you but I think Harry's being unreasonable with Jason. He thinks he's in the right all the time and Jason forgives him because he loves him Not to mention Harry doesn't even apologize for his assumptions. “I swear to never stress you out again. You should have told me.” I believe Jason tried to explain but Harry didn‘t give him a chance. In the end he doesn’t even bother to hear Jasons’ explanation for what he did. At least that’s the impression I got form it.

As much as I love the Harry/Draco pairing. The Harry and Draco portrayed in this fic are incredibly selfish and highly ill tempered. But I expected Draco to be like that, besides he’s kindof sweet in a way. That being said as much as I wanted Harry and Draco to be together I felt a rather strong urge to make Harry suffer. He seems like a selfish, dimwitted, inconsiderate jerk.

Anyway that’s what I thought of the characters.

Now it seems you have a bit of a problem with the tenses. I suggest writing the story in the past tense because present tense, in my opinion is quite hard unless you‘re one of those really skilled writers that know how to manipulate words to their every whim. Technically you’re telling a story that has already happened so the story should be written in the past tense with the dialogue in the present because they‘re speaking so they would say it as everybody would in the present. Some words might just not sound right so you’ll have to find something that does. Perhaps you should reread the fic and/or get a beta to fix these errors, as well as take care of the plotholes, which this fic seems to have quite a bit of.

To tell you the truth I think the smut scene between Harry and Jason went pretty well. Another thing Draco, in the beginning chapters, told Harry that they could only kiss each other because he couldn’t cheat on his mate but here it says that Draco isn’t a virgin. Which is it?

Don’t think I’m flaming you ‘cause I’m not, I’m just trying to help. Nice attempt and keep on writing. Hope you well on your future writing endeavors.

Thanks for sharing.

There were some really good parts to the story and I liked the plot. I loved how Draco had to visit all of these people. I do think however that a few things can be done to make this story better. I think that some parts needed to be longer and more explained. Ie: the part where Draco meets the detective. I wanted to know more about the prosses of narrowing down locations. And the conclution needed to be streached out a few chapters longer. I just feel the pacing is a bit off.

Also transitions between scenes and chapters. Sometimes you have good one other times you have none. it's a simple thing that can have dramatic affects on a fic.

(hey don't take these critiques badly.) I am asking for the story to be longer, so that means I like it. :)

And to end on a good note: I really liked Harry and Jason's arguments, I thought they were well thought out. Like Jason meeting with Lucius, and his explanation made a lot of sence and I could see why they fought and why Harry forgave him.

*~“Let me see it.” There was an allusion of excitement in his voice~*

-?-? Allusion means "a passing or casual reference; an incidental mention of something, either directly or by implication". I think you meant "ILLUSION".

Wonderful! I'm glad they got their happily ever after!