Love it!

I tried with this story. I really did. I hate leaving negative reviews, because I know writing fanfic is really hard.

This story is incredibly frustrating, because, on one hand, you write very vividly and imaginatively. Your use of language is really amazing. But the plot and the narrative itself need serous reworking. This story is a mess. Things don't seem to happen organically for a good portion of the story, especially in the second half. This story has a severe case of this happens because the author demands it and not because this is how the narrative should flow.

Characters need to have arcs. They need to have somewhat logical reasons for doing stuff. Their endings must be earned. This is especially true in stories with romance. The couple in this story at the end didn't come together in a natural fashion. It was rushed and tacked on at the end. The beginning would have made a really touching Hinny fic. You wrote that very well and for the most part things happened in a natural, somewhat believable way. But the last 13 chapters seemed forced and there because you had to make it HHr for some reason, because that was your vision and not because that's where the story naturally led.

At one point you have Harry talking about how easy it was to be with Ginny, and it's implied that's a bad thing. Then a chapter down the line and suddenly it's not. The whole time there's doubt about harry and hermione's relationship from all directions. then it's suddenly okay and going swimmingly. It seesaws back and forth in a way that just makes it feel like neither character really earned the relationship. Neither character had an arc, really. Harry wasn't any different at the end and neither was Hermione really. Sure, they had angst, but that's really it?

The relationship between harry and ginny seemed without any flaws, which is really confusing because apparently Harry and Hermione had always loved each other... but did they? There was NO indication that Harry was interested in Hermione as more then a friend. In fact, he didn't really seem all that interested in her friendship either. But because the plot demands, I guess it's true. You sort of have motivation for it from Hermione, but it's vague and underdeveloped. Mostly because we never get to see anything from her perspective. Mostly so it's easier to shame her for having human emotions and daring to second guess harry's decision.

There are two ways to fix these gaping plot holes. One, just let this be a Hinny fic and scrap the last thirteen chapters. Two, put more foreshadowing into the beginning. Make the Hinny bits less bucolic and perfect and let the audience see that, yeah, Harry and Hermione DO love each other. Maybe have Helen be possessed by Voldemort... have him through her be instrumental in driving a wedge between Harry and his friends. That's where I thought it was going, actually. Because their power together was too potent. Ginny gets killed not by genetics but by Voldemort's manipulations to take away Harry's most potent weapon. That would have been a cool twist.

Also, Helen isn't nearly endearing enough to be a main character. She's as boring and pointless as her name. She doesn't move things forward in the second half and whatever token antagonism between her and Hermione don't really matter in the end.

I don't know... I'm just annoyed that a fic with a lot of potential is bogged down by all these issues.

Really confused as to why this is labeled HHR. Fifteen chapters where Harry has little or nothing to do with the supposed main romantic pairing of this fic. Where he's not even shown to be even thinking of her. We never get Hermione's perspective on any of this. So, um, why is it labeled as HHr. Where is it?

fifteen chapters is nearly half the fic. I'm all for slow burn but this no burn. There's no interaction. No hints of feeling. Nothing. You kill Ginny, presumably to get her out of the way. but you've not built up a relationship between harry and hermione at all, so switching the pairing at the last minute makes NO sense. There's no build up. No set up. Nothing at all. I don't get it, honestly.

Yeah, um, sorry. I don't do "Harry floating above ground with Sparks coming out of his eyes". That's where I quit reading.

Any HHR that starts off with a different pairing is a no for me.

That was a very good story I am very happy to have spent the last two days reading it thank you

What a good story and exceptionally well has everything from love and romance to epic battle scenes with a beautiful ending. Wonderful.

Great

Good good good

Good good

Good

I can't keep going. Dumbledore didn't die which is what we all wanted at the end of book six, but Dumbledore's reasoning for the sleep is just stupid. Oh no, I have too much power so I'm gonna go into stasis? Also, his arms just all better? There's a potion that makes you go into stasis if you get hit by an ak, so why isn't it mass produced so everyone could just be woken? Can't keep going.

Good

Albus has all this power I mean a Super Saiyan form of magic like harry and a dab ass super sword why was there a war to begin withhe should have ended it before the fist one started

A leader that wouldn't die for their people or kill to protect their people is no leader