...wow. I'm impressed. You followed the guidelines, you made an emotional and more importantly, GOOD story. And best of all, the things you had to mention were written in and tied in. They weren't just random.

Daaang, that was an impressively specific prompt! I never suspected any of the elements were from gone prompt because you worked them in so seamlessly. This had me grinning on the edge of my seat, thank you!

Interesting, I really liked this!

I love how you tackled this challenge. Using the droid's pov made for an interesting twist, and you still were able to convey emotion in a poignant way. I love the running theme of the muja muffins. Also, Obi Wan is such a sixteen year old! The argument was perversely fun to watch, particularly when he turned the sharpness toward himself: "Tell me all the things that are wrong with me. I know there are many ." But in the end you show the fierce caring that underlies their relationship.

*Smile of Delight* ! -

This is perhaps one of the cutest stories I have read in an inordinately long time, and you did an incredible job on showing the emotions in the scene while having the POV be from a droid who literally can't feel emotions. I LOVED the part with the muja berry muffins - the fact that you ran with it the way you did all the way through from the beginning with Obi-Wan complaining about them to the end with Obi-Wan saying he'd eat them every day so long as it was Qui-Gon who made them. *happy sigh* You wove this small little thread throughout the entire story, and it just made the dialogue so much more realistic.

Also, my two favorite lines/scenes in the story:

"6565 (voice nearly inaudible): If I had listened to you, you would be dead.

(4.3 minutes of silence. Prisoner 6564 turned his back to the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. Facial expression indicated shock.)"

Can I just say "wow"? Obi-Wan's emotions and Qui-Gon's accompanying response were simply amazing!

Also, the scene where Obi-Wan is finally fading and Qui-Gon realizes that he's injured? Pure genius! I'm a little in awe of how realistic you managed to get the characterization - it flows perfectly and it isn't stilted in the slightest!

Blessings,

LawsOfChaos

thats some specific challenge outline! Done well especially with that droid i think and the interplay betwen them

You know, I've never read a story like this. But I really liked it! I had a lot of fun coming up with the ending. It wasn't hard, it had a great beginning. :-)

I really enjoyed this :)

Thank-you for sharing.

A great story. Very funny.

Enjoyed the muffins and kitties and necessary Jedi upgrades. I do believe you've got their characters spot on, too. ;)

You must have a real talent for writing to challenges.

Love the way you've done the droid's perspective; the transcript being attached to number labels, the queries and requests for more information and the notes on their behaviour.

The conversation between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan is fantastic too. I like the references to things outside their situation, the sand cats and muja muffins, which make it seem more real and the character interaction is spot on.

Wonderful short story. Really really good.

Nice. I liked it.

Oh, I love this. Brilliant!

Adorable, funny, and completely sweet. Only you could pull off the perfect combination of those qualities in a relatively short one-shot story.

"Upgrade of data about Jedi needed immediately." Hilarious!

And kudos to your darer, Mousche. Nicely creative. I especially enjoyed hearing the story from the droid's point of view. That was certainly new, and definitely interesting.

Keep writing! I'm back to checking on you regularly again... Don't worry, that wasn't intended to sound like a threat.

I liked it! :) loved the drama.