GOD the hero worship is so good

god I know your fanfic account is a million years old and you probably don't see these comments, but god, I just HAVE to say how good this shit is. It hits all of my h/c buttons

This was a really sweet story :)

I love the way you write and your stories

Great story! Very believable, too. Being 6 years older than my brother, I can definitely relate to the whole little brother trying to nag me while my friends are around.

Loved this so much!
Loved your dynamic between the brothers, so true to their age difference, and loved how you did the stages of shock with the wound! Aaah!
Thank you for writing!

Great story!

You should collaborate with brixen. Her story "and the rain will fall" is like this type of thing but when they're older. This could be such a cute flashback for that story. Good job

"sammy, don't close your eyes"... this reminds me so much of my brother's keeper.

That. Was. Perfect. I loved the ending with John. He was such a great person in this fic :D I love the whole cristo scene, that cracked me up. Also, I liked how you wrapped the story up with Dean finally deciding to spend time with Sam.

I have some similar notes as chapter one; commas and more showing, less telling. :)

One thing I noted that you express well throughout these two chapters is how tough Sam is. Even though he doesn't have the hunting scars and experience that his brother and father do, he's tough. He's lost a ton of blood, and he's still upright. Dean is upset with him and he doesn't cry.

I would note that there is some character inconsistency in this chapter with Dean.

Dean is known to do whatever it takes to protect his brother. I think the whole conversation after Sam wakes up is a little out of character. I don' think that Dean would say half of this stuff to his brother, especially when said brother is just a kid and lying in a hospital bed. Dean isn't someone who tells the truth like that. He would probably more internalize, and would do anything to avoid telling Sammy how much blood he'd lost, how scared he'd been, or how John was feeling about the whole situation.
His attempts to smooth everything over, and the comment about the Zeppelin shirt were spot on, though.

It was kind of nice to see some tenderness in John, and really to see John at all. I really tend to hate John, but this cameo was very well done. :)

First of all, this story sends shudders up my spine...it's not a fun read, but I get the impression that you weren't going for fun. It's scary and horrifying on so many levels. Overall, very well done.
I like how you instantly set the pace of the relationship between a younger Sam and Dean; Dean obviously is going through a teen phase, but there's that unbreakable bond and protective air about him as well. You illustrate this especially starting with the point when Dean refuses to explain what a "pervert" is to Sam, and it only builds from there.

One thing I noticed consistently throughout this chapter was a fairly significant lack of commas. There were a few sentences that had awkward run-on phrasing as a result.

I love your childhood portrayal of Sam, everything from him wanting to be like his big brother, to being incredibly rational and logical throughout. Very nice.

I do think that you could do with more showing, less telling. You TELL us frequently that Sam is in pain, or that he's scared. These are things that need to be shown. You need to make your readers FEEL what's happening to Sam, and what's going on in his head.
On the same note, immediately after his accident, his thinking is still clear. Even in moments where his judgement lapses a bit, you're still telling us. This is, to some extent, more opinion on my part, but I feel that it would greatly improve your story telling style to show the chaos...vary sentence lengths, muddle wording, confuse thoughts. Make it obvious that Sam's hurt, while still maintaining the fantastically twisted thought pattern of him wanting to hide, and thinking that Dean will be angry with him. You'll increase the drama level, making this a more suspenseful read. :)
Well done!

Wow... this was awesome. Seriously, the first chapter kept me on my toes the entire time (I had a mantra going in my head the entire time that went kind of like this: No, Sammy, no, Sammy, no, Sammy, no, Sammy! xP). The second chapter was the perfect wrap-up. Amazing job well done!

Awesome fic! Written so long ago!

I have recc'd you here:
post/95983892401/weechester-gen-fic-rec

Great story!