W

You updated! YES! (cheers)

Hmm...a sneak-peek in Icestar's past...nice.

Plus I like this other story you're working on!

keep it up, and update soon!

Pearla

Good, good...

Good job on the last five chapters. YOu've really added more detail and less dialouge (sp); which is a great improvment from LK3. YOu are truly a master at plot development. Overall great work and you've really put a story together that keeps, I know, at least me, on the edge of my seat.

Uh-oh...

Coolie! Nice chappie!

write more! Was waiting for this!

THX!

Sushi-Lover,

Pearla

DUN DUN DUN! The suspense! I still have ALOT to read so I'll get on that. Thanks for telling me about my chapters all screwy. I replaced the last one with the REAL chapter 4.

Skyterror, by saying the same thing you are beginning to sound washed up. By the way its "author".

Stelmaria, you know what to do and I hope everything is going well do you :)

Shannara23

I LOVE these Cat-Chatting fics! They ROCK! And they're so funny, the make me fall off my chair!

This story's great! Write more!

Pearla

BURN THIS STORY!ITS A PIECE A CRAP JUST LIKE THE AURTHER!

First of all your chapters are too short, maybe try and make them a little bit longer.

You need to make your story into an actual story format because the moment it looks more like a play. Maybe have small paragraphs consisting of about 3-4 lines long.

You have big paragraphs in the middle of your chapters and this will disturb peoples concentration of the plot of your story.

Proof read your work throughly before posting and check your spelling, tenses need to be checked.

Just some advice to help you become a better writer and achieve your full potential.

Twiglet/Innocent

It is working again!

Still really good!

Wow, so much forced mating here, and so many kits...it's addictive! Keep writing, I'm going to read your lion king story now. just review mine now! Do you like the new summary for it?

Also, do you mind if I put the link to this fanfic on my site? It is

a new site, all the links dont work yet, but yea.

It was really good!

I'll be excessively nice with this review. I don't flame as a rule, even though I support Flame Rising and the rest of his buddies. I do, however, throw out CC like there's no tomorrow. So, here it goes.

Your first uploaded chapter isn't a story. It's a character list. Against 's Terms of Service, if you had bothered to read it in the first place. I'm not trying to sound mean there, but I'm a rule-junkie. Sort of.

Second point: your chapters are...short. Hideously short. I've seen poems longer than your chapters. Seriously. If you look under my in-progress story, note how much longer it is. In fact, my three chapters are longer than your 22 chapters.

Your writing style is not great. I suggest you go prowl the fantasy section of your bookstore. Er...at least, in my bookstore, the fantasy section doesn't contain Warriors. Warriors would be found under the "Teen" and "Children" sections. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with these stories. I have a friend who's a big fan of Warriors. I'm just saying that if you expand your horizons a little [say, move into the fiction/nonfiction sections...], your writing will improve. Start by trying to imitate the writer's style, and your own style will eventually develop.

Your grammar is decent. Your sentence structures are a little boring. Almost every sentence is of the following construction: Noun - verb. Why not try something else? Something more interesting?

Your dialogue also needs a bit of help. Stiff and unbelieveable. Try to imagine someone saying the stuff you write, and if you can actually imagine a person saying: "Today, is the anniversary of...Wildfire's death," with that complete full stop in the middle, then by all means, keep it. But if you can't, change it.

Also, don't forget this: "Blah," he said. Notice the comma. Not a period. Okay. He said, "Blah." Again, notice the placements of the punctuation marks.

Good luck with your story. ;D

-Temeraire