VERY BORING AND SHORT

it's good! I've been looking for this kind of fanfic

waiting for new chapters :D

I don't get it. The introduction gave me the impression that you could use some improvement, but this is drastic. Very good.

A quick reminder: Try typing out numbers rather than just using the key pad (type 'ten' instead of 10). I think it looks a bit more professional.

May I also suggest doing a rewrite of the first chapter? It really doesn't do the rest of your story justice.

Cheers

I can tell you right now that you have potential as a writer, but I'm not really impressed with what I see here in this first chapter. If you hadn't mentioned that you were sixteen at the beginning I probably would have thought you were younger... by six years. But no worries, there's a solution.

My advice: I wouldn't really start off my story with "Hi, my name is..." blah, blah, blah. That's something I did in grade one and I think everyone can do better than that.

I appreciate the explanation of the whole setting, but that can usually be explained through the story rather than having this introduction to set the scene.

I really want to see this story improve because I think that you can do so much better. I look forward to reading the rest and I hope my advice helps you for the future.

Cheers :)

I like this story so please update it and soon please it's really good mostly of all. I hope so that's the game is good one for you. You know that's the newest one is out now and there is a brand new game comes out next month after all.

I always liked the idea of a bubbly mother, i find it really cute. I like how you decide to write your diamond and pearl fanfic to sound exactly like the game, i find that topic to be interesting to read on about. I hope you will update soon, i'll be supporting you.

i like this story very much. I hope so that's in the next chapter that's you add that's she catches herself a new pokemon with piplup's help after she gets back from her mom's house and gets the journal. She also have deliver the map to Kenji next chapter as well. She should catches a pokemon next chapter and soon deal.

Still a good story, but if you're going to use Dawn's Japanese name and Damion's Japanese name, use the Japanese names of everyone else, too!

I think that's Kenji should travel with each other. I also think that's you should add that's she saw one of the mirage pokemons. I think that's will help the story mostly of all.

Cool! Its really good to see you taking on the video games! I'm actually playing diamond now, and I'm almost 19...hehe. To see it written out with the main character having a personality is heaps better! I like the way you wrote Hikari, some of her thoughts about the other characters makes me laugh. Anyways, enough rabbling, I would really like you to continue. Keep updating please!

woot Diamond/pearl fic! lol don't feel bad, I'm almost 16 nd I still play pokemon too and your right its just to hard to let go of lol

Good story, but why do they keep saying, "Yoshi," whenever they're exasperated or something?

Awesome possumI love this fanfic, who is going to be Hikari's Love interest?Kenji or Lucas?I want it to be Lucas

Yay! Like this story, especially because I like the game a bit more than the anime. I like Hikari's personality this way, too. I've always thought of her more mature as well. It's a really great start so far... keep going and keep it up!

I've been looking for a story like this! X3 Please update soon~! :3