Great story! You've created a good group dynamic, with interesting (and plausible) back-stories.

I'd like to read more stories set in this up-dated universe. You write well, the story flows comfortably and keeps the action moving while allowing for each character to have "reflective" moments.

The only thing I would say is that lip-reading isn't infallible, especially when reading groups and/or strangers. It's worth bearing in mind if you did write future "episodes". On a related note, Dawn could get quite good at interpreting Blaze's looks and body language, since she is used to having to overcome communication barriers.

I like the way you have Kathy question her beliefs without in any way belittling her faith. You allow her to her her own faults as an individual, without mocking Christians as a whole. It's a fine line, and not many writers manage to walk it. Well done.

You face the "token" issue head-on, send it up and move on. And the eighties cartoons have to get a mention, of course. Your readers are D&D fans - of course we love old cartoons! It's nice that Oliver can appreciate them, and allows us older ones a little nostalgic moment.

Great story. Thanks for sharing it here.

Pretty nice! Why don't you write a sequel? Is there still enough gas in the tank for one?

Aw, what a great ending to a terrific story! And you leave it up for grabs to write a sequel, perhaps? Loved how Ben and Tomas had to work together, and the fact that the 'sixth' had to join into battle. I did feel kinda sad that the original six didn't make it home. The song at the end, with everyone in unison, shows how completely solidified the group is now that everyone is together. I also laughed with the Terror taking on Tom Hank's visage as his 'form.'

I'm sorry I didn't review chapters 6-10 but I will, probably, eventually, and I hope this makes it up to you for taking so long in finishing the story!

~JL

WOW! Great story behind Tomas and Ben and Dawn! This is TERRIFIC stuff...and it all these goings-on in the past are completely reflected in the current situation. Your characterization of Ben (and more than likely the others) makes the reader empathize with the characters. This chapter makes me want Ben to do better and become someone he doesn't think he can be. Another interesting and fantastic chapter.

~JL

Cute part about Oliver peeing on the dragon. Loved the 'little meat' part!

That aside, you've addressed a very interesting facet that the original Young Ones didn't; which was, why didn't they share their weapons? I assumed that the originals just instinctively knew that the weapons wouldn't work for other members, but then you see episodes where Venger's minions are using the weapons against the Young Ones. Your explanation through Tomas was very clear and precise.

Also, I like that you didn't kill off Venger, as they clearly are able in the Dragon's Graveyard but don't do, and that Venger's 'goodness' was returned. It was a terrific correlation to Star Wars AND on top of that, how Earth and the Realm reflect on one another. It is my opinion that Venger is now the new Dungeon Master, as I recall the D.M. muttering something to his 'father' after greeting the newbies.

Oliver as the 'comedian' is fitting, as he seems like a very goofy and awkward young man.

Off to the next chapter.

~JL

PS

Good chapter here; I was wondering what animal would be added to the crew!

Wow! What an action-packed chapter this was. I like the Steelkins...and I see the connection to the mechanical owl in the first chapter. Are you making commentary on industrialization, or is the mechanization of 'evil' a useful medium?

I also enjoyed that the story of the original members was recorded in book-form. Perhaps these guys will learn a thing or two from them. And why was Diana so sad, I wonder?

Although I enjoyed this chapter, I felt disengaged from the characters as they fought...I didn't have a chance to really get inside their minds as they faced the Steelkins. Additionally, some of the action seemed listed, almost as though I was reading a grocery list. I don't know if you have any intention of returning to this story, but those are just a few suggestions I came up with as I was reading. Otherwise, a very interesting chapter, and I'll see you in the next one!

~JL

Another great chapter. I love that you find out Dawn is deaf! What a neat concept...and the flute...definitely a connection. Not to sound stupid, but I'm having trouble picturing the characters in my head, so are Charlie and Dawn African-American? I know Kathy is, but I might have missed details pertaining to Dawn and Charlie's race. If you would clarify, I would greatly appreciate it.

I especially LOVED the story the 'gypsies' tell...that was a perfect depiction of what actually happens when stories are told. And the fact that the other characters are immortalized...masterful. I actually got goosebumps up and down my arms.

I'm still mad at everyone else for not reviewing your story. ERR!

~JL

WHOOT! It's gettin' good! Love the new titles: Viking, Spy, Shepherd, Knight, and Witch...very original. The Terror is pretty creepy, too, and I LOVED the sniping between the group members and Dungeon Master. I'll hand it to you...your dialogue is extemely realistic. And another thing, I think that Dawn's telepathic (?) ability is sweet...and what about that flute? Can you tell I'm enjoying this fic?

One nitpick: "All six were now following the road." I thought there were only five?

And one other random thing: Favorite quote:

"Safest location!" Ben sputtered. "You dropped us in the middle of a killer forest!"

HA!

Okay, enough of this. Good work, and I'll see you in the next chapter.

~JL

WHY don't you have more reviews? This is a fantastic story! Interesting! Descriptive! Written well! Fabulous! Terrific! I don't have any more adjectives!

Hahaha...anyway, I'm making it my personal goal to read and review each of your chapters because you deserve more than one. Measley. Review.

GRAH! People are so lazy nowadays.

More to the point, I think your characters are wonderful. They interested me right away, and I love that you mix 'em up a little. The conflict is fantastic, too, and right away the new Young Ones are in it up to their necks. Their weapons are interesting too, and I'm SO looking forward to the different ways they stack up against the different beings and elements in the Realm. I also like the animosity between Tomas and Ben...this is rife with potential for backstory and growth between the two teenagers. I wish I had about twelve more free hours so I can read your story continuously, but alas, it is late and I have work. I'll see you in the next chappie, hopefully tomorrow.

~JL

BRAVO! BRAVO! A most EXCELLENT piece of fanfiction. My most esteemed compliments! I Look forward to reading further adventures of these new young warriors.