umm get a betta you actually wrote "Then Harry slid down the bed and began sucking on Harry’s dick" thats not possible XD i don't think... um yeah it could do with some improvements the story doesn't develop very well..

it was okay though

hiya my name is lucy and i adore your story and would like to ask you if you wouldnt mind if i advertised it on my site. I would, of course, say that it was by you and advise people to read it. Any comments i get i will send to you if you wanted. Please email me at .uk with your answer, if a yes, we can discuss what you would like me to add and what not to.

Thank you

Hope we talk soon.

Lucy

like it very much

One of my favorite stories. Hope there will be more:D

That was awsome. i liked that last bit the most though.

NEXT CHAPTER :D:D:D!

PLEASE!

great story, you should really continue this.

Okay, fair amount of spelling mistakes, you need to go over them. Plus there's no character development; you go from Harry telling Malfoy to shove it to Malfoy kissing Harry's neck. Why? What caused the sudden jump? There's no feeling either, no emotion in any either if the characters so you need to work on that.

When you've done all of that then I'll come back

love it you should write more about when everyone finds out