Very good, but...

Well, some of it was extremely original (The various organizations within Ranma's mind), but you need to slow down and spell-check it a bit more. "Straberry"... Unless it was intentional? Well, whatever, it was great for your first English Ranma fic.

4.2/5

Hahaha, nice. :) wish the real Ranma was like that. :P bold, daring, and has hormones. :P

I really like how Ranma's brain is divided into 4 groups. UPMB...hilarious.

¡Sannaa!

San para mi :P, vi que al final si lo subiste en inglés :D. Y también me lo dedicaste aún en ingles *Nami emocionadaa*

Aunque sabés que no entiendo mucho...XD! Entendí (creo) que la dedica era para mi sino... ¡! xD

Sabes que este fic me encanta! ¡Y que te salió genial! Siempre que lo leo me rio, Akane rules xD.

LOL! La actitud de Ranma me mata XDD.

A ver cuando hacés más fics de Ranma, eh

Besos locaa :3

Anami-chan :D

HAAHAH! This made me laugh so much! And it made my heart pound too!

I'm only on volume 11 of Ranma 1/2, so I don't know if 'United for the Preservation of my Butt' is from the manga or your own idea, but if it is YOUR idea-WOW! REALLY REALLY clever, and so Ranma-ish! hahahaha!

I couldn't tell english wasn't your first language, either, really! It's better than quite a few people I know who DO have English as their first language...

Either way, good job! I loved it so much! Especially how Ranma got less shy and more assertive!

oh really? your first in english. well it was pretty good! i saw a couple of typos but they weren't too bad- a missing space or a miss spelt word. i like this story. lol. a deffenit(sp?) keeper.

the prof.

Well, first of all, I don't really hold with the idea that Ranma's life causes him actual suffering. Maybe it's an anime thing (manga reader here) but I've always thought he's a very forgiving person who takes the madness that surrounds him with considerable patience and even optimism. He never holds a grudge for very long, and rarely complains. Even the curse is mostly treated as merely an annoyance, when he isn't blatantly exploiting it to his advantage.

That said, the story works, though I'm a bit cloven to your portrayal of the characters. On one hand, Akane chickening out in the end and teasing Ranma instead is spot on, but on the other, actually trying to seduce him in the first place is pretty OOC. She notes that she's acting like Shampoo or Kodachi and that's just it: doing something like that requires a confidence in one's sex appeal I simply don't think Akane is capable of mustering. The girl has a very poor self-image and the whole reason Ranma's ”uncute tomboy” cracks get to her is that deep down, she's afraid she really is one.

Ranma is mostly in character, though I'm not convinced he would actually ever kiss a girl who just declared that she didn't want to kiss him, and definitely not a girl he cares about as much as Akane. More likely he'd feel very wounded and probably hatch some overly-elaborate revenge plan. (Like back when Nabiki was his fiancé for a while.) Still, since he basically snapped under the hormonal pressure I guess you can get away with it. Also, his reaction afterwards felt pretty genuine.

In a more technical sense, you have a way with words and a quirky sense of humor making for an over-all enjoyable reading. :)

This story is in dire need of editing, though. You have a few spelling and grammar errors, including a word you apparently forgot to translate (”enroscando”). You should give it at least another read-through and fix these problems.

Also try not to address the reader personally, and especially not in parenthesis. It reduces the suspension of disbelief by quite a bit and disrupts the reading.

Over-all, I think you have talent and that this fanfic has a good basis, but it could use some further refinement. The situation definitely reminds me of Takahashi's style and I could see it work fine with a more elaborate set-up, or even if Akane simply intended the whole thing as a joke from the start.

Still, not too shabby. Keep up the good work. :)

Hey Sanna! Thanks so much for translating this! It's sweet cho chweet! I love it as much as your other fics! Write more soon!

Lol, this was different. xD

The dress thing was so ooc tho :P

Baha, but I liked it.

I love it!

hehe., so cute.,.,

Haha that was awesome Some of the aprts amused me,

will definatly e going into my favourites box,

Great story,

Gabriella x

ME ENCANTO!

SIGUELE PLEASE :D

oh my. how sexy.

Awesome story! I loved it... sequel pretty please?

I liked the writing style. You don't see stories written like this everyday and I've got to say, this was very refreshing.

I hope you write more, because this was a good piece.

Great start to a story. I do hope you will be continuing this. It has real potentual. I have seen many who are not english speaking try to write a good story yet was hard to read. I couldn't even really tell with your story. Please continue this it is great. We want more!

oh it made me laugh and i would never thought to name all the compartment of ranmas brain other than food and martial arts... great job... more soon.