Hi there,
I actually started off reading this on my laptop and I've been having problems with it... The battery is toast and so it's gotta be plugged in or it dies. I was maybe... three paragraphs in when it happened to get unplugged and actually looked this up on my phone to finish it because it was liking it.
Typing of course is easier than using a phone, and I got caught up in your pyro/nympho story for a few days as well ...which I'll probably write a separate review for... and 'just love me' I think it was. The organization one -dark-.

I really enjoyed this. I felt that it was really well spaced out and I liked how you wrote Axel, and Roxas. I feel that you got their characters right (which was nice to see, as it seems like there's a lot of ooc ness in akuroku stories) and it was actually one of the better things I'd read in a long time. I liked how the story progressed and that you chose to give it a happy end. I think if you'd stopped two scenes earlier, as planned, it wouldn't have made a whole lot of sense. So I'm actually glad that you pushed this out further.

I'm glad that I read this one first, however. Otherwise I might not have gotten to reading it.
Just love me, I found myself disappointed that there was no more description to Roxas' existence than sexsexsex. His leaving was even based on sex and I didn't like it. I was really hoping you'd include missions or why Axel considered Roxas as his best friend, when he never interacted with him or things never got better between them. I was waiting...and then felt disappointed when I never found out why. Or I'd be waiting...to learn about Roxas' time in the organization and then was just disappointed that it was just -sex- basically.
That was a bit of a theme with the pyro/nympho story too... I think you're a great writer and I think that you had some wonderful ideas. Don't get me wrong, here. I'm not trying to write a flame, I don't do that. I like to be constructive, and I hope you can take something from this:
What I really think you should know is that what I remember most were three things: The author notes, threatening to hold the story hostage without reviews which I really disliked (I had to ignore them cos they just left me feeling angry. I would never do that to my fans. Ever.), the -rape- bit didn't seem very traumatizing to Roxas at all and almost didn't seem like a conducive part of the story line (you could have completely excluded this and I would have been none the wiser. Really. It was also rushed and had basically no effect on the story. It felt like you spent more time trying to justify it than anything else), and that unsatisfied feeling of wanting to know more details and never getting fulfillment.
Why, if they were twins, did Sora have so much control over Roxas? I get that he was older but to have that much power over Roxas, he should have been several years older. It was extremely EXTREMELY harsh that they treated Roxas like that when he was pretty much the same age as everyone else. I can understand if Axel was like ten years older than him but four? That's nothing for them to get so riled up about. What about the organization? How did they join it? How did they get away? What exactly WAS it, in this universe? I really didn't think it was anything like the game and was really, really, REALLY thrown off at the end when they opened a dark portal. It made zero sense.
I actually was skipping over sex scenes to try to find the storyline. I mean it was great how you made it progress slowly, and I know that this is a yaoi/ it was over the span of a year, but I found myself wanting to know more of what was going to happen between them or how things would pan out when the truth was discovered and the sex got really boring. It felt more like PWP. Then I was extremely miffed when they just beat up then threw Axel into a portal to make him disappear and it ended. Extremely. I think it's about an hour later and I'm still mad about it. Not because they did it, but because it made absolutely no sense at all.
There was no resolution either, no end to the tension. The portal was straight out of left field. I actually read that part four times because I didn't know what you were talking about. I mean, it had been mentioned that Axel could manipulate Fire but.. this is where explaining the characters and the organization would have been nice. Also, if people are going to have powers over the darkness, wouldn't Roxas have these powers too? Axel too? They were both part of the organization after all, but I don't even know what that means because it wasn't explained. It doesn't make sense that they wouldn't and if they did, they could find each other again. But there was NO EXPLAINING urgh.
It would have made more sense if they had beaten up Axel and thrown him out/ banned them from seeing one another until they took Roxas to a therapist, even if there wasn't really shit that they could do because he was eighteen. Except threaten statutory rape since Roxas was having sex while underage (depending on laws for when age of consent is), making Axel a possible SO but Roxas didn't have a legal, of age guardian, and an adult needs to be making the complaint. Which is why Sora's guardianship just makes zero sense. He should have been older.
Then it would have been nice to see the therapist deduce that SORA is the mental one because he WAS, so that there could have been resolution to the ever constant tension between the twins. This would have led to resolution between the brothers in a believable way. I mean Sora was just a wacko hypocrite. Especially if Sora and Roxas were twins and Sora got to do everything he said Roxas couldn't. I also didn't fail to notice that literally nobody gave Axel credit for saving Roxas from the guy who abducted him. None. They just jumped to him being a crazy person and seducing Roxas, despite their friendship. I really didn't like how nobody heard them out and then there was no resolution there either. Nobody seems to actually hear Roxas except for Axel. They don't even know why he was getting into fights.
Sorry if this isn't making a heap of sense. I'm trying to sort out all of my thoughts and all I should say about this but I'm really frustrated with how it turned out. Really. As a reader I feel really unfulfilled and I hate how frustrated the story left me.
I understand it was written a while ago but I feel that this could have been so much more than it was /:

Best Akuroku EVER! I loved it!

oh this is one of the best one shots i have every read. it nice and long. and oh so cute... sexy to.

-hides in hole-

Wow, I'm falling in love with your stories bad!

I'd write more, but I'm too eager to read the other Akuroku fanfics you have! XD

P.S. How did Roxas become human again? :)

P.P.S. Loved the smex scene-! *drools*

xoxo

i love your stories!

First off: HOLY F*CK! A 16K ONESHOT!

Second: Nope, sorely lacking in seeing the movie. Must search for it...

Third: AkuRoku. Need I say more?

Fourth: My damn need to correct others is kicking in. There were a few times when you'd put Roxas doing something when you meant Axel (that's what I saw anyway *shrug*)

Fifth: I like the fact they got to know each other a bit instead of being like "I'm Axel", "I'm Roxas", "Let's fuck!".

Sixth: The lemon was a-f*ucking-mazing.

Seventh: The plot and story in general were well written and flowed smoothly

Great job and I'd love to see someone continue off it if you don't

SHMEXY!

Aw. Poor Roxas. D : But they lived happily ever! (YAY!) _ So cute.

. . .

DAMN. That, my friend, was a delicious story, and I mean seriously! Mm, m! Very, very hot, and might I add pretty interesting otherwise, with the plot and whatnot. Thank you! You've fed my inner pervert, so I shall grant you a cookie.

AW! I loved it! I was worried in the beginning, but then it got really good, and I freaking loved the ending! LOVE!

TEWG: 3 -HIDES UNDER YOUR BED- GRR! I LOVE THIS.

801: XD Axel's gonna melt Roxas's sugar! Loved it! Nice work!

TEWG & 801

duuh, its so sweet! at first I thought Axel would accept to be with roxas in the "overworld" but at the party, i was sure that it was roxas :p duuh, but still did'nt knew it was always sunny, so i was surprise by the "cure" really like the end :p (and also, all the story xD)

Aw! So sweet! Also love the fantasy world idea. Keep it up! Ur doing great!

O.O

that was flipping fantastic! xD;;

the supernatural part of the story was so brilliant.. but sadly ive never seen the movie. i must go watch. D:

the M part of the story was great too. xDD ;;

long one shots are the BEST! i love the way u write! and the way words are different from American ones its a nice change of pace the different names for the cigarettes threw me for a bit till i remembered but i still think its cute!