I like how this opens with a promised dance. I think that’s cute and has potential for several outcomes. I love the way you write their dialogue. I think it’s beautiful and flows really well. When Collins approaches Mary and asks you mimic a dance in his words. It’s really pretty. Her joy at his request is really cute. I can feel how happy she is. I love how she planned all the things she was going to say and then none of it happened. That’s really cute. And very true to how we act in real life. I absolutely love it. The way they talk over each other made me chuckle. It was a nice little touch to this. I love how real you make this. You capture human responses and actions really well. I love how he thanks her for the dance and that she smiled in response! That was cute. The ending was very adorable and I was happy with her. You did a really good job of capturing my attention the entire time and really bringing me into the story. I loved it!

I'm such a huge fan of Pride & Prejudice that I was a little reluctant to read this, but I'm so glad I did.

You did an excellent job of capturing Austen's style and language, yet still making it accessible to those unfamiliar with the book.

I /loved/ Mr. Collins effusive speech when he asks her to dance, and I imagine it would have been said without a single pause. It's also a lovely introduction to his character and the dynamics between them. He is duty-bound to dance with her, but still inclined to make the experience a pleasant one. It also makes it seem quite obvious that he has very little, or no, romantic interest in her. Which makes the story all the more poignant.

Poor Mary. I always likened her to Elizabeth March from Little Women, but without the tragic illness. She probably would have been happier as a pseudo-invalid. And I like to think she would have been treated with a bit more dignity and respect. For instance, the part where her father interrupted her while she was playing the piano was a very lovely little detail about how little the family concerned themselves with her.

Her happiness and hopefulness is portrayed so well, and it makes me so sad to know how it will end for her and Mr. Collins. But I'd also like to believe that things work out for her in the end.

Kudos on a wonderful story!

This was lovely :)

I love the way you've started the fic from the middle of the Ball. You've gotten Mr Collins beautifully in character - I really like the emphasis here: [He /had/ promised] because we can see the slightly stuck-up man who does things only to be lauded by society here beautifully.

You've also portrayed Mary very nicely here. She's just the right balance of painfully shy and tentatively bold here :)

[She could not have chosen a better topic unless, of course, she had asked of some detail concerning his noble patroness. However her cousin did not seem disappointed with the question, indeed his answer took up the rest of the dance.]
The first half of the second sentence seems unnecessary to me - seeing as you've already clarified that Mary's question was an interesting one for Mr Collins, you don't have to say that he wasn't disappointed in the question. That's something that's been implied with the first statement :)

Apart from that, this was lovely!
Very well done :)

A very interesting way to start this fic; with all the things that happen, it's strange to think that somebody would approach it in such a mellow manner, but it suits Mary quite well.

[Her mind was occupied in wondering if there was any way she could convince her father, for whom she had the most respect in the family, to leave the assembly early in favour of an evening spent in solitary reading, when a voice interrupted her reverie.] - I thought that this sentence ultimately winds up a little too long; you have interesting ideas in it and they go well together, but by the time I get to "when a voice..." I've lost the initial thread.

You've got Mr Collin's tendency to go on down pat. :) It was interesting to see, and gives the same glazing ability as the speeches that Jane Austen wrote for him, except to a shorter degree (purely because of the length). It's also interesting how Mary's reaction reflects its manner as a speech instead of a written medium as the readers are receiving it.

Your description of the dance was very interesting; the awkwardness is quite powerful even before they begin their conversation.

[However her cousin did not seem disappointed with the question, indeed his answer took up the rest of the dance.] - perhaps a semicolon there?

And you manage to return to that mellow tempo by the end as well, even if it is a little coloured by the events that preceded it. A very interesting cyclic approach, and overall a very nice read.

I love Pride and Prejudice and do feel sorry for Mary that she gets so very little attention and development in the book, so it was lovely here to read a little elaboration on her experience. You've captured the sound and feel of the original Austen novel quite well. I've always wanted to write a little something in P&P's world but am uncertain as to how to mimic Jane Austen's language very well, so I admire it when others are able to do it. Collins here sounds like himself in canon though I do feel that even as he's praising Hertfordshire, he'd also probably manage to weave in praise of Rosings in there as well. The beginnings of a crush on Mary's part is described in a very adorable way here from the tugging sensation in her stomach that she attributes to the effects of the punch to her rare smile at the end. She comes across as much more endearing as a result, and I can't help feeling a twinge of sympathy for her knowing how this Mary will undoubtedly be hurt when the events from canon transpire. Overall, this was a lovely little piece.

Warning: Fandom blind

Wow, this was really well done! Your understanding of what seems to be the language at the time is excellent, and while I'm not familiar with the fandom, I'm a huge history nerd, so I really enjoyed this, I could imagine it happening not necessarily in fiction but in real life as well! Excellent!'

Your level of description was really amazing! I could relate to Mary when she was dancing with Mr Collins, I think that having a crush on someone is really hard to really capture, but you seem to have done it very well.

Your ending line, especially, was very sweet, and it told me that Mary was quite happy with herself, I could feel her confidence that all had gone well.

The writing in this piece was quite sophisticated and I really enjoyed it! Lovely job.

I absolutely love Pride & Prejudice. By far, it is the best to me of everything Jane Austen ever wrote. I love how you wrote an excerpt that could totally be inserted into the novel without people ever guessing that it was not written by Austen herself. You absolutely captured Austen's voice here, as well as her style, which is not easy to do. Some of my favorite lines were:

((Mary took this time to fully prepare herself by readying possible topics of conversation – the weather, the assembly, Fordyce's Sermons – but still found her light complexion colouring slightly as Mr Collins came to lead her to the floor.))-I just found this an endearing little line that just screams 'shy little miss who has a crush'. I think all girls can relate to this and remember what it was like to be in the company of the boy we liked, who we hadn't told that we liked and were unsure of telling because we didn't know if he liked us in return.

((The dance began and the assembled couples moved in graceful formations, weaving in and out of each other whilst smoothly walking and turning their way down the set.))- beautiful description. I can easily imagine the couples dancing, and know by the description that this isn't a modern dance or typical ballroom dances. I can feel the illusion, the sweep of a skirt, the sound of a violin playing, the excited titters of the other dancers even.

((Well, she thought to herself, that was most pleasing.))-Ah I loved this closing line. We get the opinion here that our dear Mary is quite happy at how things went with Mr. Collins at the party, and that, indeed, she feels more than just some passing affection towards him. I get the sense she would welcome his suit, and happily. Again, loved it.

A few little critiques:

((Mr Collins))- be mindful of punctuation issues like this. I've noticed it happen a few times in the story and while I am one who will commonly ignore grammar mistakes (unless glaringly bad), I feel these bear pointing out.

((dear cousin, Miss Bennet))-I would go with one or the other here. Both together kinda seem like overkill to me, but that could be me. Minor thing really I know.

In all, brilliant story. I greatly enjoyed reading this and commend you for the amazing product that you created. Great job!

Just a brief disclaimer that I'm going into this one completely fandom blind, although I do know a little bit about the time period and the background and such. :)

I really love the elegance of your language as you write. It really pulls me into the story, and paints a picture of the surroundings. The imagery is absolutely superb and I love how you wrote this.

Mary seems like an interesting character. I only know her from what you're writing here, but I like what you're doing. Not sure if I like her as a character because she seems a little... flippant, but then, this is a Regency story. It was a little sad that Mr. Collins appeared to be viewing the dance with her as a duty, but I guess that was what it really was.

It's really nice to see that Mary has a little bit of hope after everything though. Really sweet. :)

A lovely little piece! Well done!

Cheers, dearie!

Hi :) It's been a good long while since I read Pride and Prejudice, but I'll do my best. I tend to review chronologically and not in order of importance, so all because something comes first it doesn't necessarily mean it's the most important. :)

I have no beef with A/Ns or starting a story with an A/N, but I did think this one was mostly superfluous... the disclaimer is implicit in the term "fanfic" and isn't legally binding, the summary is already in the place for the summary, and "this is my first fic, please be nice" is understandable, but in my experience, it actually makes people (read: jerks) MORE likely to flame you. If you're not willing to drastically cut or take out the A/N, I'd suggest putting it at the end so people can jump right into the story.

"Performing his duty." This is nice Austeny snark. :)

"My dear cousin..." while Regency novels are quite longwinded, this one was a bit of a filibuster. I'd consider cutting at least one clause. "My dear cousin" or "Miss Bennett", but not both; I'd cut "most exceedingly". YMMV.

"As you may have seen..." I'd avoid this. It's sometimes called "As you know, Bob" syndrome and is a character telling another something they should already know. Again, I'd cut a few clauses out of the sentence.

"They both often made mistakes" this is such a lovely bit of storytelling and characterisation. Really liked it :)

And really liked this fic in general. I'm a fan of the vignette, and you write an excellent one x

I very much enjoyed your moment of insight into Mary's dance with Mr. Collins. In various films and in the book, I've always felt bad for the girl-somehow the butt of everyone's jokes. I've often wished that she got a better deal. I'm not sure that Mr. Collins would have been that better deal-but I believe that *she* might have thought so. I hope someday she will find someone who does find real pleasure in her company.

I can't find many errors or nit-picks to make. I do wonder whether even Mary wouldn't be taken aback by what a blowhard Collins is when he speaks on and on and on for the whole rest of the dance, or feel at least a little bit of pique when he says he has "finally reached that point when [he's] in need of requesting [her] as [his] partner."

This is the first P&P fic I've read on this site, and I enjoyed it very much.

I have never disliked Mary as a character, but I can't say I really like her here. She seems too silly and easily impressed. Maybe that's completely in character for her, but I still don't like it much. Also, I find the whole "pairing" of her with her own cousin icky. I see that is is listed as "humor," so I guess the entire this is meant to be poking fun at her and Mr Collins, and while I'm entirely in favour of poking as much fun at *him* as is physically possible, I'm not really in favour of poking fun of her. She reminds me too much of my own sister, I guess, who was always quiet and loved to play the piano, so this just seems a bit cruel.

Now, the part of this that I felt was completely brilliant was Mr Collins being a complete and total dork, going on and on about the *roads* of all things. I must applaud you on how you write him; he seems perfectly and wonderfully in character in every thing you have him say and do.

Mr. Collins seemed true to his character. The writing style wasn't quite the same as Miss Austen's esteemed novel, but that comes with practice and reading the book five million times, haha. It's hard to write stories for this time period. I've tried.

The deviation from the original style was most noticable in the more emotional parts when Mary's feelings and thoughts are being described.

I felt that Mary was a bit more sentimental than she is portrayed in the book. Granted, in the book, she is made to be nothing more than an insufferable book worm with a need for praise and recognition, but at the same time, I do believe that there is some truth to the description. I wholly believe that she thinks highly of Mr. Collins, but perhaps her question would have been better designed to show off her intellect and wit.

Anyway, good story. I enjoyed it.

~Song

I always thought that Mary and Mr Collins would make a good couple, particularly after the 1995 version. Thank you for continuing in that vein!

Very interesting. I like the idea of Mary having a little crush or something on Mr. Collins. Very nicely done. :)

This was a very sweet story, I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on Mary's attraction to Mr. Collins in the movie (I have yet to read the book or view any other adaptation of the novel, was this element present in all versions?)