Oh. A lot of people make Neku the artist, since he likes CAT so much, but I can definitely see Rhyme painting. It's actually one of the first things I thought her dreams would be. Love!

Hmm..good work! I especially like the poem at the top! I haven't seen any fics as of yet (other than yours) about Rhyme regaining a dream. I guess other writers are just too unsure of themselves to try delving into it, but you captured the ESSENCE of it here...I'd go so far as to say that THIS is the 'ROR' of Rhyme's Dreams fics...if that makes any sense...

Interesting use of the short couplets to start things off.

As for the work itself, I see that you're beginning to heed my advice and have more attention to the detail of the work. I was quite impressed with the way that you described the sunrise-you certainly chose your words carefully, and that to great effect. For some reason, I suppose I can see Rhyme being an artistic one, since she does seem to lack an outlet for her ideas and her expressions. It's hard to extrapolate from what little we are given in the game, but it still works quite well.

As for the poem, it seems to be somewhat prophetic-almost like it doesn't really belong in this part of the story, and yet it needs to be here to indicate to the reader that something significant is to happen. Perhaps I'm reading into this too much, but the poem didn't seem to fit as naturally as perhaps you wanted it to, but that's just my opinion; I could just be stark raving mad.

Other than that, good on the portraits of the characters. The ethereal voice seems...almost oddly comforting at the end-I'm not sure.

AH. No. There must be more.

Can I write a fansequel if you won't write any more to this? -wants excuse to not commit to a new JxR- DX -angst-