yes! cant wait for the new chapter which this was really good. what noah is creed going to be pain wrath greed XD soooo it would be funny if he gets turned into a little kid again or gets turned into a real cat i would probally squeel my head off but yah, keep going

from the leader of fc silverstar

Awesome couples my main man

update soon :) i really wanna read more :)

interesting :)

Heloo this was really goods my most favorite on fanfic plz do chapter 2 soon x

squee! my fangirlish dreams are coming true with one story! i love you!

okay, not really. i already has a girlfriend. but i love your story! *glomp*

I love how well you've managed to merge two amazing series'! I love it so far, wasn't sure about the nails thing with Train at first but I'm defenitally going to stick with this story! :D Can't wait for an update!

I dare say that it is interesting, but... I'll be frank, I don't like your style of writing. I can try to help you fix it to where I like it, but some people may like it like that, but I don't.

-

One, it goes to quick and everyone knows everything and too accepting.

Ex. "Allen Walker was sleeping when Train came crashing in his room in the Headquarter of the Black Order. He immediately gets up to see a dark haired figure on the floor. Just as Train was about to get up, Allen invoked his innocence and grabbed Train.

_Break_

Train saw Allen wake up so he tried to stand up and talk his way out of it. And then he was surrounded by a giant claw, which seemed to be Allen's left arm. Train, no longer being the cold assassin he once was, raised both hands in the air and gave Allen a small smile of surrender. Allen then he released his innocence back to his red scarred arm. A green light peered from Train's right hand."

This would 'sound' better if it was something like... (It is also an example for choppy and flow, also you didn't introduce your chara to the ones who didn't know them before.)

"Allen Walker was sleeping when Train fell out of nowhere, but when Train hit the floor and knocking over a chair in the process Allen immediately awoke. As Allen awoke he activated his innocence and trapped Train within Clown Crown.

_Break_

Train hit a chair knocking it over as he fell to the ground. Right as he tried to get up he found himself tied by a white cloth. Following the cloth he saw it was attached to a boy with pure white hair and silver eyes.

"Who are you?" The silver haired boy asked.

"Uh... Train. Train Heartnet."

"How did you get here?" Train really doubted anyone would believe him if he said he came through a portal and ended up here, but... it's worth a shot.

"Umm... I was tricked into falling into a portal, then I saw this glowing green cube and ended up here..."

"What glowing green cube?" Train thought for a moment before realizing that the cube wasn't in his hand anymore, he realized he must have dropped it when he fell.

His eyes immediately started to scan the ground. Though right when he saw it the boy said, "Your lying."

Right after the boy said that the white cloth holding him got tighter. He started to panic, "I... I'm not lying! It's right there! Right under the bed!"

The tightening stopped."

Or something like that. Also don't make Allen too naive. He knows when to be serious and when to not be serious. Though he's calm most of the time with that infuriating smile on his face.

-

Two, it doesn't flow well. When something new happens, aka a new scene, it's doesn't have a good transition. I mean the scenes like when they go from one room to another and when a new chara is introduced (when they go to see Komui and when Kanda comes in).

Ex "Allen's neighbor, Yuu Kanda, came bursting through the door.

"Oi Moyashi. I heard screaming. What happened?" Then he noticed blood on the floor and Train holding his (Train) hand, which was covered with blood. Allen was just there in shock. Kanda quickly ran to the poor 15 year old.

"Oi Moyashi. Snap out of it." He shook Allen until Allen snapped out of his daze.

"I'm sorry. Kanda." Kanda sighed in relief and then he and Allen both turn their attention to Train, who was now staring at them.

Kanda- "You. How did you get in here?"

Train- "…" ( sweat drop. "Uhh Kanda. I think he's in a bit of pain there to be talking.")

Kanda- "Not talking? Fine. I guess you need some persuasion." (sigh.) He pulls out Mugen and activates his innocence.

"Mugen!" He slices his katana at Train. Train blocks it with his right, which in turn becomes damaged. (Does it remind you of anything?)

Allen- "Kanda. Stop!" he said just before his blade neared Train's forehead.

Kanda- "Why should I?" Not even moving the katana an inch from its position.

"Look at his wrists." Kanda looked and saw the familiar green cross on Train's wrists.

"Fine." he pulls back and puts Mugen back in its sheathe. He steps back to Allen's side , avoiding the pools of blood on the floor.

Kanda- "So he's an accommodator?" "

Though I know your trying to incorporate a nice Kanda there is one thing he doesn't do. And that is act rash and activate Mugen when there is a human threat besides Lavi. Remember Allen's right eye didn't activate and Kanda would notice this.

"Allen's neighbor, Yuu Kanda, burst through the door with Mugen unsheathed.

"Oi Moyashi, what happened?" He stopped short in the doorway at seeing Allen kneeling in front of a boy who's blood-he assumed it wasn't Allen's-was splattered all over the floor.

Kanda sheathed Mugen, and when he noticed that Allen didn't answer him, he yelled, "Moyashi!"

Allen jumped and turned towards Kanda with wide eyes, but when he saw it was Kanda his, Allen's, body seemed to deflate from it's tense state from seeing Train scream bloody murder and spill blood everywhere.

"He just got accepted by some innocence and needs to be taken to the Head Nurse and Komui." Allen looked calm, but Kanda could see the underlining tension and worry for the boy.

"Che." Kanda went to the boy and swung him over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. "Let's go then." He started out the door."

And you can continue with them 'breaking' (you know the '_' next scene thingy) to the nurses office with Komui and such and such.

-

Three, it's too choppy. When I say this I mean it goes from one thing to another without proper transition. It's also saying that the flow isn't right so I know I'm repeating myself too much.

Four, chara introductions and dialogue. One I just don't like the way you do dialogue because it doesn't look right on the page and it doesn't give the chara character. What I mean by that is that it needs to have more detail like...

Ex Komui explained, ""

Lenalee screamed, ""

Lavi sighed, ""

Kanda coldly said, ""

"" Allen said calmly.

Stuff like that. And for chara introductions, when your in Train's P.O.V. you should describe the chara's that he meets, and vice versa when a chara meets Train for the first time only and maybe an exception like if he was studying them or like when Train meets Noah Creed.

And that's it. I know I only did D. Gray Man chara's and such but that's because I don't remember Black Cat, so I believe I just probably made you mad at me so don't come to kill me in my sleep please.

loving it keep updating

WAH i accidently read the second one first!

May I suggest instead of writing

allen- etc

train- etc

just write the sentence and then put train said, allen explained, creed screamed at...

Its better that way.

But besides that I really hope you update I like the trainxcreed piring and this looks interesing.

You HAVE to conti. this!

*stretches like a cat* M ahh just what I needed for a four day long var ride. Wonderful crossover. Wish you had more that I could read. Lol wish I could sleep in a car. *Yawns* Stupid roadtrips. *rubs eyes* been on the road for twelve hours and so far I liked your story the best. Please write more!

The plot is good but the format that you're writing in is a little confusing. Your writing in script format (The format that you would use for a play) instead of regular format, like the kind you see in books. Remember to use all six senses when describing a story too.

great start

update soon