I have nothing to criticise about. It really is good. Though, come to think of it, you moved the story pretty fast there. It just seemed as if you were trying to take a few shortcuts while writing it.

Anyways, I'm horrible at writing fics so don't take my opinions to harsh, they're only MY opinions. You're the one who asked for constructive reviews on an excellent story :)

So ... when are you updating this one?

dennisud

i think you should wright more on this story arc Ja-ne (_)

Liked your fic, it was pretty good - good plot and dialogue. There were points though where you rushed it a bit. I'm reading this over a year after you posted it - but it's still very good. Hope one day that you continue.

Very interesting! I would very much like you to continue this.

Nice rewrite. You skipped ahead a little, but even I would have done that IF the bulk of the story lies in the later parts. Very nice dream sequence. Good job overall. Keep it up.

Continue.

Very nice. It shows Shinji handeling his dreams and not fearing them to much. It also shows the love he has for Asuka, and how it might grow.

But this is just my interpretation.

All in All: Good Work!

A much better read from your first draft. I am anticipating Asuka's turn with her dreams since i didn't see any dialogue with the first chapter.