The dialogue is so overly dramatized that it seems more like a play than a novel. I can almost see the actor in all their glorious fakeness playing this out in a stage

Not a bad start. At least you avoided the cliche of using the Veil of death. It can be used well but it has become a bit cliche. As to the scene with the council it felt a bit forced. That Harry and the others breezed through a bit to easily. And lastly there was no hint of them having any language barriers to overcome. No Hermione pointing out the weird symb symbols that compromised Galactic Basic. I can accept that spoken would work if only to speed up the process of moving the story along. Language is always the one thing that can crack the suspension of disbelief.

Even in earthbound stories the author sometimes has to provide a magical method of quickly learning a foriegn language. So the still accede to language barriers that must be overcome. With Harry being able to read others minds you could have that to be shown to be how they overcame the language barrier. We know that they encountered Obi Wan and Jar Jar first. So a paragraph could have been added to show them mining his mind for the local language, Yet that is not what you gave us.

Hey there! I have read a few chapters of your fic, but I am leaving it now because it doesn't agree with me. But I wanted to than you for writing it and sharing. Always love to see new HP/ST crossovers.

I found the fic (I read until Harry is training with Yoda for the first time) didn't flow quite well. The sentences were stilted and the grammar was not the best. Also the dialogues feel flat.

I mean story wise a lot of thinks were a bit one dimensional/flat. Like, Harry just lost his girlfriend, and Ron his sister and there is no grieving process, no depression, nothing. Just a bit of anger for character development. Also, Harry heals Qui like it's nothing, ok, lies to Obi Wan to make him angry, ok, but this is not addressed. I would feel really betrayed and angry.
Let's start with Hermione... she's just not herself. She would be the first asking question and trying theories and babbling her mouth off. Instead 90% of the dialogue is Harry's, with ok, its valid since you want to make him MC, but then why send the trio and not only Harry and focus on him?
Ron you actually did pretty well.
Anyway, in the end it was not the grammar or the choppy dialogue but that I feel that the fic was too flat and unidimensional.
I really think that you will have improved along the way, because the fic is quite long, so maybe a lot of these issues are corrected. Anyway, I wish you well and I hope didn't offend you.
Regards,

With the baby dead, maybe they should look in the tomb before venturing on? that hide and claws would be great for armor.

You can tell that Hermione is not as used to battle as Harry or Ron would be, she does not have the mental flexibility to do out-of-the-box combat thinking.

I like this chapter it was very good. My only slight problem is that I wish Hermione’s master would have been Shaak Ti. If only so that would learn from a wise and skilled master but also... dress sexier. In the movies the sexiest thing she wore was jeans or her dress to the Yule ball. Shaak Ti helping her loosen up a bit would have been nice to see. But that’s my only minor problem.

If you any fanfic suggestion for Star Wars, marvel or Harry Potter, crossovers included, please pm me. I’m looking for more stories such as this one.

Whoa such a good story, you did both franchises justice. Can’t wait to read ep 2!

transfiguration is the magic of changing one thing from another, however. conjuration is creating something from nothing. I like the story tho, will continue to read

Is a sequel happening?

love it!

Hi read this and throughout the whole read found it to be a most pleasant read sadden by those who died . one thing that scratched the back of my mind did the golden trio ever try or attempt away to find home?
So when will the illustrious clones pop up in this very good reworking of the Star Wars universe. Cause I'm salivating for that beautiful bit.

That is one thing I don't get about the dork lord in most fanfics and the movies he is like this all powerful Evil but even still ONE man can't be THAT powerful to block 15,000 Jedi of SEEing anything, you know? without help from somewhere or something, you know? And if he does have help its never explained like with great artifacts or something. But hopefully the trio change enough to beat him without the Order falling like it did in the movies. Great read so far.

Pathetically atrocious writing

Decent story. Pay more attention to sw lore. Hoth is presently an uninhabited or sparsely inhabited system. It's significant only for the rebellion base built nearly 30 years from now.