Beautiful, simply beautiful. Great job.

I will give successful concrit this time, I will, I will! -determinedfais-

First things first, I really enjoyed this, and the characterization was kickass~

I think the repitition you used in the structure worked well, and while the plot was rather incoherent, that helped tie things together.

The effort you put into the prose shows. There were some beautiful phrases there, particularly in the fifth section. However, the grammar gets caught up in itself sometimes, which interrupts the flow in places. It also tripped you up here:

[His fears – baby blue spites, resentments, distress – curdles the droplets...] Tense disagreement with 'fears' and 'curdles.'

The use of pronouns got a bit excessive (something I really need to work on xP), such as the second line of the sixth section...I've found that there are lots of ways of cutting out pronouns by changing the sentence structure/perspective around.

There were also times when you could've excluded dashes. [bullet-holes in the floor] for example (another problem of mine D:).

Too tired to give an in-depth error analysis, but I doubt I'd find more than that. As a whole, complete and total prettiness~

cute fic (repyl)