Please update!

I can't wait to read chapter 3.

I'm still wondering about what is going to happen to Shino and Sayuri.

What an awful way for them to start their relationship. Poor them!

There's a quiet beauty to this, like the falling snow. Hope and anxiety, curiosity and fear are like the weave in the tradition-infused weft of the story. I feel sorry for both of them and can't help hoping for their happiness.

Cool story. I hope sayuri warms up toshinosoon. can't wait to read more. please update soon.

Enlightenment is always good. I think you've set it up quite nicely. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

I'm so sorry about the long wait. Just wanted to tell you again what a wonderful job you did with this chapter :) I hope chapter three comes soon. Beautiful, and honestly, I have never read such an interesting ShinoxOC story.

yay! I think I'm the first to review chapter 2!

yay! (I think I'm acting a bit like Itsuki but who cares?) Well...I dunno how much I should comment because I think we've chatted enough via PM and I guessed a few things, you told me others so...besides, I don't want to spoil things for your readers.

I still like your style and yes, I can see the last scene somewhat hilarious. About your questions about Shino, I think I'll also reply them via PM. Maybe in a few hours because I must go to school and check a few things.

Hmmm...she cut her dress...interesting

you see, my chapter 13 had something about a cocoon and I recently read something about a cocoon (both literally and somehow, not so much) so...yes, I guess I'll tell you about it via PM. I still don't know if I'm reading between lines or just...I don't make much sense, I know. I still think you have Shino in character, by the way.

See ya soon!

Hello!

I was checking my mail when I was (oh, reviews for Cinnamon and Chocolate? And then, when I saw your penname I was CinnaStix, I remember it from somewhere so...) and then, I saw your review for Betting on a Bug.

And well, I must admit that I'm a very meddling, curious person. I hadn't checked FFnet because it wasn't working or my internet was acting weird. I still don't know so when I read your review about our OC's sharing the name, I was very amused.

I have my reasons for having chosen the name Sayuri (it has things to do with the plot and some of them are subtle). Number one, I like the name and the flower, I like lilies. Who knows? Maybe you could guess more of my reasons. Maybe we even share some.

Anyway, enough rambling.

About your story.

You kept Shino in character so I congratulate you because as a fellow writer(and as someone who is also writing a story about him), I think I can understand the care and time you put in this. His reaction was realistic and I don't know if I'm seeing things that maybe I shouldn't (maybe I should discuss more with you via PM in case my conclusions are right so as not to spoil things for your plot)

About your Sayuri, her reaction was also realistic. She's human. Excellent work there.

Also, while I avoid reading stories that are narrated in that style (first person), I think your narrative is so descriptive that I liked it so congratulations on that.

I like poetry. I have one poem published here (I wrote it like 6 years ago but I published it here some months ago). I simply liked your style. It is interesting to see someone working with an older Shino. Very interesting.

By the way, I'm glad that you're going slow. I don't believe in love at first sight and I dislike empty, trivial things so maybe that's another reason why I enjoyed your style and your story.

Keep up the good work.

:)

"yearning for the family an life I was leaving behind." I believe you meant to say "and" not "an" in this sentence.

"In fact, I couldn't even tell if he was breathing he was so still." This sentence here was written rather awkwardly and feels like it trips over itself when you read it out loud to yourself. It would have sounded better like this: "In fact, he was so still I couldn't even tell if he was breathing."

" I have thousands of them living inside of my body." You put a space between the quotation mark and Shino's speech.

AS for the story itself I think you might have something here. Your OC behaved in a very believable way to Shino, and her reactions to her environment as a whole was realistic. I liked how you gave just one of her physical features (curly hair) without going into great detail and without having her appearance listed off. That of course reflects more on your skills as a writer then it does on your OC.

All together so far everything seems to be in order, but I can't give you an honest evaluation on your OC and how far she is from Sue-dom without knowing more about her. If you would like me to go over her in greater detail then please contact me through PM's so we can discuss more about her personality and I can further help you from there. From what little I've seen though you appear to be off to a good start.

-GG from Critics United

This is good.

I like the story so far and look forward to another chapter.

Wow, great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Wow...

More, please!

It's really good and I feel both for Sayuri and Shino. Hopefully, love will come in time for both of them. Just make sure to go really slowly...with the romance. I can't wait to read more.

-Chynister