I liked it. It was a good story.

Review for chapter 4: I really liked this one, it was beautiful to see the love they had for one another, good job heh.

I really enjoy this chapter but I did find some little spelling errors like patient should be patience and reck is just missing the w. This sentence "I don't ever want to loose you Roxas never want to hurt you." confused me a bit. Hmm how about "I don't ever want to lose or hurt you Roxas, ever." But really this is good and I'm going to continue on!

Yay! Go ShexyAss! Hehe, its really good

Well that was the best asking-him-out begining I have ever read, I luv it, I HEART THIS

i like this story :) its cute hehe

Don't worry, Demyx's hair is wrong. And you can always check by searching up a picture of the character.

You know, Roxas may seem small, but he can seriously kick ass, you know? I mean in the game. Sure he's a serious zombie in the beginning of KH 358 2 Days, but he seriously turns kick ass.

Axel... is two-faced. Cocky, but sweet. He can be loving when he wants to be, and jealous. He puts his own agenda first, most of the time. He's very protective, and will always chase after the ones he feels deeply for when they run away. He's determined.

OOCness (OOC Out of Character) isn't all that bad. It can actually be quite fun! It's fun to see the many sides of one character in the many stories!

Something you may need to work on is to put more DETAILS! Details are a writer's Worst Nightmare. Cuz, you have to use it just right! Too much can make the readers go astray, and too little can make the readers get bored. Details are most important!

I've actually found some websites that have helped me much with my writing, and the way I write. I still have my own little style, but just improved.

Dialouge is supposed to be separated by paragraphs. If dialogue from TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE are in the same paragraph, people WILL get confused at who is talking.

And, you don't always have to say who said it, or how they said, or anything after dialogue. Example:

"Roxas," Sora started, setting his backpack in the corner by the door, "Where's mom and dad?"

"Oh, they're on a date."

"Oh," Sora murmured.

-

See? You still know who is saying that one sentence.

Dialogue is the second worst nightmare a writer has. You have to know what to capitalize, and where the punctuation should go, and what the punctuation should be (period, exclamation, comma, question mark, ect.)

You might want to work on the flow of your story. The reading should come out naturally, and short.

Ex. of Bad Flow: The trees, which were green, were blowing in the strong wind.

Ex. of Good Flow: The green trees were flowing with the strong breeze.

See how much it flows better?

I hope some of this advice has helped. And if you would like to know the URL for those websites, you can PM me for them, if you want. Not saying you have to.

~Jenx