wow, sad, but beautiful

Heh, I can sympathize with Red being a guinea pig. Silent protagonist, watched over from a birdseye view…trainers think they capture pokemon, but in reality, we gamers have captured THEM!

Anyway, after inserting evil laughter, time to get down to reviewing:

-“It's the place where time seems to stand still, where seasons roll by impulsively, or not at all.”

Maybe I’m overanalysing, but I can’t help but smirk at this – it feels like a reference to game mechanics, how in gen 1 there was no real passage of time, whereas gen 2 at least gave us a night/day cycle. Line’s good in itself, but just something I noticed.

-Like the description of Lance in regards to battle style. It feels appropriate to his character, and I guess, pokemon trainers in general.

-Concerning the Elite Four in general, I feel you deserve more kudos, both in the concept of characterization, and in the meta level that I don’t know if you were aiming for it, but it still works by my own interpretation. On the characterization level, it’s an effect I can see happening – Red doing the same thing over and over, his victories having increasingly less meaning, the Elite Four almost pitying him, how Kanto has moved on to the gen 2 setup, etc. On the meta level it works, because it’s something that I can see a gamer doing as well. Or at least, it’s something I did when I was in the midst of the pokemon craze, battling the Elite Four time and time again for XP and the fun of battling them. Like I said, I don’t know if this is intended as a game mechanic reference, but if so, I feel it was pulled off well.

-In terms of feedback, I’m skipping to the end. I feel kind of guilty doing this, as this fic is definitely worthy of praise, and don’t worry, I’ll be giving it. But I’m afraid I’d only be saying the same thing that I’ve said above. And indeed, I looked at the other reviews to see (to my relief) that I’m not the only one who feels this way. So, summing up my thoughts overall, I’ll put it this way:

This fic works. As in, really works. And the reason it works is that I feel it works on three levels, all of them connected.

The first level that this fic works on is the characterization level. As in, how the characters are portrayed. Red is a silent protagonist, but you use that to the story’s advantage. You bring up the notion of his oppontents, (gym leaders and Elite Four) being repeatedly beaten, and work with it reasonably. It isn’t satire, it isn’t a mockery, it’s just…well, natural. Okay, we’re talking about pokemon which requires great suspension of disbelief, but still, the characters feel real. Real in the confines of the scenario, but because of the great way they and Red are handled, it ends up feeling natural overall.

The second level this fic works on is the meta/gameplay level. Gameplay and story segregation, or the lack of it in videogames can be contentious, but this…okay, it’s narrative, not a videogame, but it’s a case where it’s using videogame mechanics to actually add to the story, if that makes sense. There’s a line in the fic where it hints at Kanto being a prison of sort. Ignoring Jhoto for a moment, this is definitely true. There’s only so much territory the player can visit. It’s a reference to the mechanics of the game, but the mechanics are turned on their head and actually add to the story and its immersion, rather than take away from it. Which in turn, feeds back into Red’s characterization. He’s reached his apex. As a character, he can’t go any further. And his reality/the game won’t let him either.

The third level of which I feel it works is…well, the personal one. Again, I looked at the other reviews to ensure that I wasn’t mad in this feeling, but…well, I feel I need to thank you for writing this. For the nostalgia trip. I played pokemon on the Gameboy back in the day. Back when I had more time, when I could afford to simply load the game into my handheld, and do whatever I wanted. After defeating the Elite Four, the world’s the player’s oyster. It’s…well, it’s a nostalgia trip for me as a reader. And this is reflected well in Red, how it’s a nostalgia trip for him as well, only for unpleasant reasons. Yet as selfish as it sounds, it’s a pleasant trip for me. To get to visit Kanto at that stage of play without having to actually play it (this isn’t a mark against the game’s gameplay, but times and tastes have changed for me personally and all that).

-Looking above, I admit, this can come off as a bit pretentious. I’m saying what the fic is to me rather than being objective, but hopefully I’ve conveyed how excellent I feel this oneshot is regardless. It works on the three levels described. From a grammatical/spelling standpoint, there’s no issue. Oh, and you needn’t worry about writing in the present tense, because you’ve done so excellently here.

So again, excellent job. Thanks for writing this, and taking me on a nostalgia trip.

Gotta catch ‘em all…

For everything you will receive, there is an equal prize. What do they call it-Equivalent Exchange? ah well.

I like how you allude to Leaf's existence.

The ending D: omg. No. No no noooo ;_; this feeling of anguish I'm feeling.

I don't believe that present tense is your weakest point. It still sounds poetic and beautiful, although this is more melancholic than your Okami fic.

I honestly was not expecting that Red returned all the way home to do that. The way you depicted everything was quiet melancholic. Enjoyable, but bittersweet, nevertheless.

I shed a tear when I read this.

This story is so sad and nostalgic that it gives me warm feelings every time I read it.

The idea to rewind back the road is very creative and great. It's still pains me that in the end, his mother passed away. But I guess that's the perfect ending to this kind of story, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You're one of the best authors I've ever encountered in this site, and I hope that you will keep writing stories like these in the future.

(P.S: Ever thought of writing a book?)

...This is really beautiful. It brings a sense of nostalgia, captivating you as you go backwards with Red, until you reach the end, but the beginning of the road has disappeared. (Did that make sense? I hope it did.)

(By the way, nice job on the tenses. I abhor present tense - I have this habit of writing in past tense. OTL)

Daaaawwww!

So sad! *sobs uncontrollably*

Truthfully, I don't care for the tense, so...yeah.

Fave!

So I have a thing for Red and the rest of the Kanto trio. I've never read a piece (or written one) that deals with Red after Mt. Silver or his defeat at Gold's/Ethan's hands and how he deals with that, at least not in this way before, and it was refreshing, to say the least. Refreshing that Red exists outside that continuum.

This was very enjoyable. Just reading it made me nostalgic for the routes and sights of Kanto as well, and that's saying a lot, that you could write this piece so that the reader feels like he or she is going on the journey with Red. I liked the idea of going in reverse, too. When I started reading I thought "oh, it's just Red being his undecipherable self," but then I got to the ending and it was like a slap in the face.

Not many pieces deal with Red's relationship with his mother. Heck, not many pieces deal with any of the protagonists' relationships with their families, instead focusing on the shipping. Sometimes we get so caught up in "Red-the-unbeatable-Champion" that we forget that he has a mother. It doesn't help that most of the parents have such a small role, but I liked this. Very much. It's, again, refreshing to read something without shipping or pairings every once in a while. The fact that you portray Red honoring his mother in such a fashion is insightful, and brave.

Excellent job. Also, you do not fail at the present tense. You succeed. Beautifully.

Thank you for writing this.

-Kuruk

This story was amazing. The insights into Red's mind were great, the emotions were clear, and the payoff at the end was poignant. Great job.

I feel a strange kinship with you after reading this story. Because of your vivid detail, I would bet dollars to donuts that you beat blue (red) dozens of times just like me : )

It is not that all bad actually . If this was one of your earlier stories , clearly you are an author skillful at making your readers feel something for your characters. It's not a tearjerker to me - it's not long enough for that, but still , there's a sense of melancholy well conveyed in your story.

What are your plans for your next story ? You are an interesting author to read (

Wow. This was a really interesting idea, and it hit quite a sad note at the end. I liked how you made it a bit of a surprise, though all throughout the story we could taste the nostalgia and the hint of sadness approaching. A well-written, well-thought out story; I enjoyed reading it. Keep practicing, that's how you improve :)

Poor Red...his Mother is dead. But what's the deal with Leaf? Is it similar to the Leaf in a previous story of yours, where she does not exist and yet she does?

Anyway, excellent (and sad) story.

This is interesting. Red's point of view as far as how Kanto's changed since he first became a trainer is cool, but the relative calmness of how the narrator states it all seems to reflect Red's quiet, no-rest-I-need-to-finish-this demeanor. This is great, when I said that I couldn't wait for your next story, I wasn't expecting it this soon. No complaints, though. ;)