One thing that really stands out in this fic is a lack of periods and commas in spots, namely the end of dialogue. For the most part, besides the pacing which seemed a bit rushed at times, the grammar errors really stood out to me the most. I suggest rereading it and adding the missing punctuation. It's actually a fairly okay story otherwise. Not quite amazing, but pretty consistent and a fairly nice read.

A few typos. I got lost a couple times but I enjoyed it overall.

just adorable. it was a rough start, but i kept going and it got much better nearing the end. good job over all though.