I love how scattered the whole thing felt. It's always a beautiful story to peer into someones mind. I love this. I've always been a sucker for the phychological 'trapped in my mind' stories. 3

This is quite interesting ;D The dream is well-portrayed with all the different colors. It seems quite abstract and surreal. Your words flow naturally, and I like your choice of words.

The comparison of Al's forgetting and the forgetting of a mother cat is good ;D It shows part of Al's character.

The description of Ed's dead body was vivid and the portrayal of Al's horror was good. You could probably make Al's horror even stronger with more usage of figurative language though ;D

On a small grammatical note, while most of your quote format is correct, when the speaker is given at the end of the statement, it should be treated as part of the same sentence as the quote.

"A-AL!" The short boy yelled...

should be

"A-AL!" the short boy yelled...

It made me laugh when you described Ed as "the short boy" xD

Nice work~

This is touching.