I can't begin to describe how much I love this! The way you wrote this was absolutely amazing. Keep up the good work. c:

Okay, first of all, I LOVED how the description played out in this story. A descriptive setting is something I don’t normally see on Fanfic dot net, so I was really happy with this (especially since it was so short and I wasn’t expecting much).

BUT, now I would like to lead you in one step further. Sometimes you repeat words, one example was right at the very beginning: “A heavy sigh breaks from his chattering teeth and chapped LIPS, the harsh winter wind making him shiver. The bitter FEELING that courses through him FEELING just as frigid with his LIPS turned in a scowl”. Another example: “Short white hair is manicured PERFECTLY around his face even with the brutal beatings of the winter winds; some strands till even crossing PERFECTLY to hide his left eye”. Try to use a word only ONCE per paragraph.

You also seem to use colours as their basic components. I see you use the word “white” and “red” a couple more times than you really needed, you could replace these with: “ivory” or “maroon”. I'd advise you to use a thesaurus, which there is no shame in using (I use one constantly). Just type in: "free thesaurus" in Google and one should pop right up!

I wouldn’t change a lot. Really, your story rates a good 7/10 with me (and that’s really impressive for a short story like yours!). Just a few tweaks here and there and you’d have an amazing little piece of literature! Good luck with your future works!

Awww! That was too short! I wanted it to keep going. :D I really liked the atmosphere you created between them. It's not super sappy sweet but their relationship is more of a sad romance. Thank you!