Very well done, especially your take onShego and extrapolation of Ron as Zorpox. Pity about the sequel.

interesting

Loved your story and the idea how Drakken lured Ron. I especially loved the sneaking, backstabbing, mental games Zorpox used against Shego and Drakken. Can't wait to finish the next story and find out about Twilight and Kim will deal with Ron's amnesia.

Hi

Good continuation. This is what I think of chapter 15 to 21.

The quality is excellent in many areas.

The chapters/scenes involving Kim are dynamic, how she has trouble cooking, and her work that doesn’t involve saving the world and missing Ron are great.

The parts with Shego on vacation while Evil Ron manipulates events for his master Plan are dynamic.

The parts with Will Du and GJ following leads to a conspiracy are excellent- and Evil Ron’s trap for Will Du was brilliant.

The scene where Kim confronts Shego on her vacation and fight was amusing, well-written, their witty banter was great too. It’s a dynamic plot twist where Shego gives up fighting because she can’t be arrested under the circumstances and is able to taunt Kim’s ignorance with what’s going on.

Drakken making a Syntho Shego clone was excellent.

It was great how Shego returns and has a run in with the sytho clone and Evil Ron intervenes. Also, how he messes with Shego’s head.

The PLOT’S CONCLUSION finally occurred: Drakken and Shego confront Evil Ron but it’s too late, he has found a way to removes the lease Dr. D on him and they barely escape with their lives. Now they are forced to seek out Kim to defeat the Monster that Drakken has created.

The following scenes where Evil Ron (properly disguised as his good self) visits Kim from his return trip was dynamic. Though he isn’t acting maniacal, he is slightly off- at least to Monique.

Then Evil Ron installs a microchip on Kim’s neck, controlling her like a robot and Monique and Felix are powerless to stop Ron from escaping with Kim.

The following scenes are amusing and suspenseful where Wade, Monique, Felix regroup with the Stoppable family and the Possible family was dynamic, full of depth, complexity and scope. You did the interactions and dialogs very well.

And the plot twist where Shego and Drakken show up to seek the good guys help against Evil Ron.

The part where Evil Ron is preparing the next phase of his plan with Kim as his slave was dynamic. It was amusing (and handled well) where Evil Ron arranges Kim to wear a new outfit, a black jumpsuit with a red Z.

The following scenes with Drakken and Shego are good. I like how you portrayed their characters and how they form a truce with Kim's friends to take down evil Ron.

The break-in followed by Evil Ron prepared to counteract their infiltrations are very dynamic, suspenseful and emotional.

The fight scene with a mind controlled Kim against Shego was great, and it’s also dynamic how Evil Ron is at least two steps ahead everyone. Then Kim is freed from the mind control chip, but Evil Ron isn't defeated yet.

The following scenes with Kim and Shego opposing Evil Ron but he is still powerful, knocking out Shego and Kim is on her own. It’s dynamic how Kim is out of her league and yet a part of Ron’s mind is still struggling against his evil persona, making Evil Ron sluggish and hesitant.

It’s a great scene where Drakken escapes with an unconscious Shego and as he drives away in his hover car, he considers taking over the world again- and intents to be more considerate on the details.

It’s very dynamic how Kim manages to deliver a blow against Evil Ron that sent him into electrical equipment, knocking him out. Now Kim has to get Ron to a hospital.

The following scenes are dynamic with Ron recovering while Kim waits anxiously. The part where Kim decides not to throw away the jumpsuit Evil Ron gave her and can only wait was good.

Nice cliffhanger ending with Ron awakens but his memory is jumbled.

The wholesome standards are high. The mature references are handled well. Wish others would do that with their fics.

I hope this review brightens your day. God bless.

Data Seeker

Hi

The continuation is great. This is what I think of chapter 8 to chapter 14.

The quality is excellent like the quality in the pervious chapters.

The reference to Past and Future stories are good: Team Go, Go City, the Wadebot, V.F. Porter, Zorpox is an unseen villain that Evil Ron impersonates and not Ron himself. The vague knockoff of Indiana Jones with Reggie the Snake was great.

The character portrayal is excellent.

The beginning of chapter 8 is an interesting continuation. Evil Ron bringing Frugal Lucre (short-term) into his plot was a good twist.

It’s dynamic how Evil Ron is prepping himself up to be the Master villain. Drakken may have a seemingly unbreakable leash on him, but Ron clearly has a plot to break free of it. It’s very complex how Evil Ron is clearly holding the cards, even though he is restrained and that Shego knows Evil Ron is trouble and attempting to find proof, he is at least two steps ahead of her, and his mind games are very dynamic.

Also, Evil Ron's red herring where he frames villains for his crimes to keep Kim off-balance are well-written, full of complexity and scope.

The secondary plots of the story with Kim having misadventures at school, home and other places are amusing, well-written, and full of depth, complexity and school.

The plot where Kim goes on a mission to stop Professor Dementor is very good, full of a witty dialog, humor, complexity, scope and suspense.
The subplots involving Kim involved with Wade, Monique and her family is good too.

The continuations with Evil Ron are very amusing and well-written. The story segments with Evil Ron preparing a meal for the henchmen were dynamic for an array of reasons: even though he is evil, he is still Ron and is clearly trying to win the henchmen over through enticement.

Shego's part in the whole affair was interesting, namely Ron treats her well (even though she doesn't trust him) and he is all chatty, but when she badmouths Evil Ron's good alter-ego and Kim, he has an outburst that is creepy.

The aftermath is good. Shego thinks she has an edge (but probably doesn't). Evil Ron contemplating his recent reaction and why he did it was dynamic, namely how you go into Evil Ron's thoughts and emotions, and how he is very calculating

Its dynamic how that while he tends to be at least two steps ahead of Shego, he almost bits off more than he can chew when riling her and relents, though Shego hardly enjoys her rare victory. I got a kick out of the prank he pulled with Shego’s shampoo.

The part where Shego is trying to find proof that Evil Ron is conspiring against her boss was dynamic, especially when Evil Ron got the drop on her. Your portrayal of Shego is great, namely how she is tough as nails, yet can still get scared.

The scene with Kim at school was well-written and flowed well, namely her low mood and Monique giving her pep talk, among other things.

The following parts with Evil Ron interacting, planning with Drakken and then visiting Shego in order to play mind games with her was amusing, very well written, possessing great dialog, suspense and drama.

The following scenes with Kim contemplating her life, Ron and his skills and that adventure at the Ninja school and Yori are amusing and flow well.

The part with Wade and Kim comparing notes and are baffled by the weird circumstances in the Villain community are amusing, well-written and flow well.

The part with Ron confronting Electroquie was very dynamic. Apart from being well-written and having depth and detail, I found it interesting how you set things up for the Future.

The following scenes with Kim investigating Drakken (and finding nothing) and going back home with her own thoughts and such are great. The reference to her book report (about Jekyll and Hyde) was great for obvious reasons.

The segment with Kim trying babysitting out, and being out of practice was good.

The other story segments with Kim are good too.

The following continuation with Evil Ron plotting are great, namely his thoughts, emotions, his strategy. His plot for freedom and something else seemed to be reaching nearing his endgame. Shego and possibly Kim are his only obstacles, but the odds are in his favor.

Shego’s vacation bit was good too.

The wholesome standards are high. There is an occasional mature reference, but handled excellently.

I hope this review brightens your day. God bless.

Data Seeker

Hi

I decided to read your story. This is what I think of chapter 1 up to chapter 7.

The basic storyline is a good. The quality is good in many areas, good narration, interaction, dialog, emotion, drama, suspense, complexity and scope.

The character portrayal is great.

The beginning with Drakken and Shego was amusing and flowed well.

The following scenes with Kim and Ron having a normal (or abnormal) spare time was simple, amusing and flowed well. The moments at school, diner and the mishap are done well.

The invitation to send Ron to a special cooking school is a clever set up. I know just what is happening.

The various subplots (fighting Monkey Fist, Monique speaking with Ron) the mishap in the lab, the touching moment with Kim and Ron) that interwoven in the chapters are great.

The following chapters are very dynamic; their interconnections are full of complex and scope. I’ll summarize what makes them great.

The scene where Ron is captured and converted into Evil Ron was very dynamic. It’s an interesting plot twist where Drakken puts a control band that forces him to comply. I wonder how things will go.

The plot thickens as Evil Ron aides Drakken in some “World Domination”. You put a lot of detail and length in the storyline. It’s very dynamic how Evil Ron has an obedience collar on him, yet he is still manipulating Drakken and Shego. Even though Shego is prepared, she is at least one step behind him.

The secondary plot with Kim is dynamic. Unaware that Ron is captured and brainwashed, she tries to find use of her time and learn a skill she is terrible at: cooking. The plot has detail, complexity and scope.

This is what I think of the wholesome standard.

The language is clean, though I am dubious about a word in Chapter 4.
Nothing is suggestively offensive.
No extreme violence or any other vile content.

There are dark mature themes in different areas and you handle them very well. Wish other authors did what you did with their mature themes.

Even though my review is largely summarized, I hope it brightens your day. God bless.

Data Seeker

This was a great story though the cliff hanger at the end is cruel! I will definitely read the sequel and you did an amazing job on this story! Keep up the good work.

Grab Shego. Leave Kim to DIE.

Best Drakken villain moment ever. Of all time.
..,

You don't actually know anything about brain surgery. Do you?

...

PsychE! There was no Ron fighting for control. Playing up that old cliché for the benefit of his master plan a crucial detail.
...

100 days till twilight but a few weeks till prom. So this memory issue was cleared up in the intervening time or are we going for an alternate history here? Did you say earlier you hated season 4?

...

Nothing says I love like arranging to have my memory of you wiped so you realise when I am paying you no attention how much I mean to you and therefore - oh no, I've gone cross-eyed.

Either way, epic endgame. The mind overflows with possible next steps from here.

Really does remove the threat during the climax understanding he doesn't want to harm any of them. Is even helping them to succeed. Setting all the vent traps to Drakken's speed with zero consequences if he makes an error here and there.

Was that the heroic plan? One in the vent and one goes for a frontal assault? Rufus in the pocket, playing up what has almost become an internet meme, was neat. But no one believed this battle was going down without Rufus for a second. I assumed after being handled this entire time Shego would want to come in force. Insert more problems into the equation than Z could possibly handle. The Wadebot. All the villains Z has stolen from. GJ. Two makes for a desperate effort. If your Z wanted them to fail they would have failed already. Heck, you've set him up as thinking so many moves ahead of everyone around him I could argue Kim could not have beaten him without his intending for her to do so.

Oh my God, I now know exactly how Shego felt at the end of Bad Boy.

Bueno freakin' Nacho, are you kidding me?

...
...

Fine. Whatever. Lets get on with the review.

I got the hint the selenium was to thwart an EMP attempt to his circuitry but reusing the mind control plot is out of left field. Being the closest Drakken plot to achieving victory and a pretty solid idea to boot, EMP or disrupter whatever aside, I always considered it one of the plots he should have had another look at. Cannibalising ideas got to be better than scrapping the bottom of the barrel with killer plants.

Your critical error - I wanted to see the horror of realisation! 19 chapters in man and you took it away from us! Kim was beaten before she knew what up and what was down.

...

Kim's cooking skills could still save the day...

...

I believe you've now made the true intent clear. The earlier hints that Zorpox desires to be evil with Kim at his side are - well, I suppose still essentially true. Merely interpreted backward. He wants Kim to be Kim and he doesn't care what side he has to be on to have her.

...

However this turns out I feel Kim is going to have a great deal of frustration to vent. Ron, happening to look remarkable similar to the person she will be frustrated with, will be lucky to evade a black eye and several days in the dog box. I know Kim's forgiving and all. And it is not, at heart, Ron's fault.
Nobody's perfect. Nobody is forgetting overnight being a prisoner to their own body.

Well that proves your Director is terrible at her job. At least as bad as Du. She's running a spy agency! Information is her weapon! She doesn't badger Kim for the information?

Ah. Drakken hologram took the brush. I see.

Remind me how the head band works again? I thought if it was taken off he reverts to Ron. But maybe I inferred this incorrectly. Maybe the rules say he can't take it off himself. Maybe if Shego, already annoyed over the clone, slices it off his problem is solved.

...

I wondered for some time if Kim would even fight Zorpox. The entire tale seemed geared toward a Shego/Zorpox showdown with Ron returned safe and sound without Kim ever being the wiser. Which might have made for an interesting story though I feel Shego has quit being Shego for two chapters. She gets cloned as does not immediately crush Drakken? She gets outmanoeuvred by Zorpox and takes the holiday rather than seek immediate retribution? She doesn't give Kim the heads up just to witness her pain and throw a wrench in Z's plans? All season four she would rather see every villain fail if she could not be the one who succeeded.

Same almost goes for Z too, walking into that building without an ace up his sleeve. "No big, I'll just wing this one. Cool?"

...

I'm being too negative and picky. I know. I should focus on the positives. Highly inventive use of Felix. Wish I'd thought of that. Inventive use of the background characters expands the scope of the world your creating, I believe. Reminds us there are more than six people interacting with each other in this area.

Odd you disguised which Blue villain sent Kim the alert. Wouldn't it be funny if, in framing Shego to disguise his activities, Drakken damaged Z's plan.

Ah. She needs Ron to keep her distressed in cooking. Boy had to be good for something, otherwise why would she keep him?

I had forgotten he had access to Smartymart's entire network. Poisoning the world with Haggis through the Smartymart, pinning it on Kim's cooking skills and, at her lowest ebb, turning her to his side with the attitudinator? Not sure where selenium comes in, aside from being less noticeable than silicon and it is used in some hair products. Since it keeps popping up I wonder if Selenium is one of those on the periodic table which explode in water. I should look it up but - eh.

...

Sabotaging the hotel of a Jewish Convention - Seems like an unconnected strike at Ron. Unless Shego is getting the blame for that one too.

You managed to make GJ more and less competent in the same chapter. Cooking gag got old. Some gradual improvement for her efforts isn't asking for much. Especially as I suspect cooking to be the flaw in the diamond to blow this whole plot wide open.

Every chapter ends with someone going to bed. Never on a dramatic turn. If you're so set about this chapter is a day routine amp it up. Kim Possible: 24 (days). Have her go on a night mission!

Na, Sodium...really? That would barely let off a small flame and some smoke...a match head has a bigger chemical reaction when lit.