Absolutely beautiful, i love how you portayed their relationship. I love yusei not giving in to jack's ego haha. loved it!

Absol

Your writing skills are incredible! I wish this story continued but it was perfect just as it was. I'm glad to know there are many Kingcrabshippers out there and bring on some more amazing stories!

I love this great way keeping the two in character, keep writing!

ChapteR 2

loved it. You really captured the characters well :)

yusei is so cool headed, I bet he finds jack's arrogance a turn on (in equal parts of irritation? Lol)

Sex on concrete isn't too bad btw. Can make for a sore morning but that's nothing these two aren't used to I'm sure lol.

The only part that made me pause is vices. While I totally see jack smoking and drinking, that yusei is so against them is a tad surprising, since its statistically speaking the higher your intelligence the higher the likelihood of some form of substance abuse. Plus them sharing a cigarette would probably be hot...mmm

Again, great job. I'll probably read this a again soon D

Nice! I like your writing style -

You hit a home run with this one! Awesome! You did the team proud!

Wow haha( sarcastically) This was indeed very hot. Although I try most of my time I try ti distance my self from mature stories this was really good. That's me speaking seriously. Nice work in some of my own stiries I created that were mature were a whole lot more detailed witch can technically sometimes be a bad thing and I love how you game not too much detail and not less but just right.

it was good thanks for writing it. I have to agree there is not alot of Jack and yusei stories and that kind of sadding.

On the concrete has got to hurt! Very good job capturing Jack's and Yusei's personality! :)

~Forte

I second everything the dog said and more my Dear Black Flamingo. That was one hot f*ck!

Since Cerberus only favorites Nakamura's works, the dog asked me to list this and unlike a lot of poorly mannered readers, I don't believe in favoriting something without at least offering the author the courtesy of a review. Even if it is only one line.

Anyway. You are a GREAT writer and I am delighted to be able to add another one of your wonderful pieces to my ever expanding library!

*Sits by laptop anxiously awaiting the Black Bird's next update.*

Hey BF, I have missed you sorely. The dog is trying to get back up on his paws now and so I will endeavor to put my three heads together and see if I can catch up on all the wonderful writing you have been doing. It has been a tremendous solace.

Anyway, call me violet, but I don't see anything purple here. I found your text rich and descriptive but not in a way that seemed flowery or unwieldy. I loved it!

I will be honest and show my ignorance, I have never experienced this particular anime/manga fiction prior to this, still, I was able to get right into the story and feel like I understood what was going on. You painted a vivid world and brought me into a place I didn't know and still, it never felt unfamiliar. That says something about the strength of your writing right could have easily been your own piece of pure fiction.

The character dynamics were great and now it my turn to tell you that was a manly f*ck! All the grit and growl of it was awesome! Realistic with the concrete or not, the hardness of it, all away around was wonderful.

Thanks BTW for offering a break from the "preparation" step that is the standard FF convention. It was refreshing to skip the fingers and go straight to the c*ck.

The psychological portrait you painted here was brilliant, even without knowing the characters. I am really loving this more introspective style flair you have been showing both here and in "Snowfall." It's wonderful and dissecting the layers of these characters brings so much to the reader.

"After a brief stare, Yusei blinked once then lowered himself onto his knees, making it clear that Jack could not force him to do anything. It was, and always would be, his choice."

The power dynamics between these two men was amazing. Again, so refreshing this dismissal of standard uke/seme conventions. The bl*wjob and the f*ck both were raw, impassioned, hot as hell. You have transcended yaoi here my dear. This is pure gay fiction and I love it!

"After a few minutes of steady bobbing, Yusei slid his mouth off Jack's dick and stood, licking moisture off his lips as he began to undo his belt. Jack watched with predatory eyes as Yusei stripped his lower half and walked coolly over to a rusty metal table. Fingering his own cock, Jack followed. He expected to take him from behind, but Yusei once again proved he was just as much in control as Jack. Rather than folding himself over the table, Yusei climbed on top and half-laid down, eying Jack casually as he spread his muscled thighs.

Jack lightly scoffed at this. Face to face? How typical of Yusei, always wanting to see eye to eye, even with those he disagreed with."

F*ck, Flamingo... that was beautiful.

What a great oneshot, it has all the elements internal and external and the bittersweet end wrapped up everything skillfully leaving that wonderful aftertaste of angst.

You are amazing my dear Bird!

Ahhh~ My kokoro for this pairing is going nuts~~ XD

I havent read a FF for this pairing in ages 3 *instant love*

Loved it~

Love you~ ;3

This is a surprisingly comprehensive oneshot; I like how you go into the character psychology here. Your writing style is slightly "purple", as they say, but not so much that it makes the story a trial to read. I also didn't find any big spelling/grammar mistakes that would break the reader's focus on the story, so good job on that too.

A bit of minor nitpickery, though; Jack left Satellite two years before 5D's began, so technically Yuusei would have to be sixteen and Jack would have to be seventeen here.

Other than that, an enjoyable and fairly well-written story.