C trop romantique !

LOL

Devil: OMG! RUKA TOOK MIKAN'S VIRGINITY!?
*PASSED OUT DUE TO SHOCK*

um...cool?

at the start natsume said "wanna play a game of would you rather" but thats incorrect since this is a story of "are you nervous?"
fix that pls.

...0.o... THAT WAS AWSOME!

LOL. I liked it :) and then there was that one part ._.
"fap fap" ._.
Yeah. It wasn't horrible to write or anything like that, but rather unfitting? The sound effect "fap fap" is usually used during well... lemons with 2 people?
But it's not bad at all. Maybe you should slow it down and be a little less rushed.
:) but other then that, there were no major problems. Continues writing and improving _ Ganbatte!

This is a good story. Please make some more. Mikan and Natsume forever.

This story reminds me of another story I read in a different archive...

Oh-well. This story is more in the Humor section than in the Romance one, so I think you should add that genre on. Also I think it was a bit rushed and that both Mikan and Natsume were really OOC.

Mhm...this is pretty ok the lemon was kinda rushed a bit I would say and you should warn people when there is going to be OOC (out of character) other then that I think it was pretty ok :)