love your story dude but too little sasunaru keep writing im really interested in how this story is gonna end

hope that that bastard will pay .Please kill edrick a slow and painful death for doing such a horrible thing to our dear sweet naru chan

I think there's probably a good story in here somewhere, but the fic has a lot of plot holes and character development issues. You should consider a rewrite.

For the plot holes, Sasuke and Naruto were originally neighbors and Itachi was originally going to be attending their school with them. Then the story changed it so the brothers live in an expensive apartment and Itachi is the leader of a crime syndicate, not a high schooler. The first chapter where Sasuke came by because he heard Naruto's music now makes no sense. The subplot where Sasuke needs Naruto to be his pretend boyfriend is also no longer relevant to the story, same with his forced relationship with Sakura. Sakura in general is not relevant to the story. Ino telling Naruto she wants him to get closer to Sasuke so she can get closer to Itachi makes no sense because at that point in the story, Naruto and Sasuke's relationship was still basically a secret. How would Ino have known about Naruto and Sasuke being close if they hadn't told anybody? For that matter, how would Gaara have known? And what happened with Minato? It's really confusing. What's even more confusing is how the fic sort of dismisses him getting killed as partially his own fault, just so we won't be too angry at Itachi. Sorry, but Itachi is the bad guy here. It's not right to try and minimize the bad stuff he's done or make excuses for him. If you can't stand your fave to be a bad guy, then don't write him as one, simple as.

The character development is also a huge issue. There's a lot of TELLING when it comes to the main pairing, yet almost no SHOWING. What we are shown is two people who have just met and barely know one another, ye what we are told is that Sasuke and Naruto have passionate feelings for one another. When and how did this happen? For example, in the first chapter, Sasuke and Naruto meet for the first time right before going to school and eat an awkward breakfast together. At their next meeting just a couple hours later, Sasuke tells Naruto he is tempting and passionately kisses him. How could Sasuke possibly find Naruto "tempting" based on such limited interaction? Worse still, Naruto decides he's gay and has feelings for Sasuke after their kiss. Again, they were strangers to each other at that point, where are these passionate feelings coming from?

Similar critique can be made of Naruto's relationships with Gaara and Ino. Ino's friendship with Naruto was sudden and abrupt. Gaara's friendship with him is even more so. Gaara is a gang leader, yet out of the blue he starts protecting Naruto from his own gang, giving him rides home, and worrying over his well-being? Why? The two of them had no friendship whatsoever until Sasuke entered the picture, and then suddenly Gaara becomes Naruto's protector. The story skipped all the steps when Naruto and Gaara actually become friends and instantaneously went from strangers to BFF status in the blink of an eye.

The story really doesn't know what it wants to be, so that's part of why the character development is all over the place. If the plot is all over the place, hen you can't expect the character development to be consistent either. At first this was a fake boyfriend fic, so the characters were all written like that. Then it was a fic about Naruto trying to pay off his father's debts, so the characters became gangsters. Then it was about the abuse Naruto was getting while working at a gay bar, so the characters started acting like Naruto's protectors. WTF is the actual plot of this fic? Pic a main plot and stick with it. Just doing that much will work wonders for you character development.

I hope this story gets updated soon, I really like it and it's really fun and nice to read. I don't think I'll be able to wait for this to be updated though. Still a really great storyline

dang it what happens next must find out more, please update.

please keep writing this! to many stories have been discontinued! CRAP! SCHOOL STATRS SOON!GTG!BEYBEYEBYEBEBEYBEYBEBYE!

I love the story! Please continue the story 33

This was adorable n amazing to the FULLEST! Cant wait for the next chapters.

Kiba ish sho bossh!

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS! PLEASE UPDATE! Your plot is so interesting and a sweet break from the cliche love stories. XD ahhh its so awesome and and i cant give you a real critique (sorry about that) but i can say this is one of the most awesome storylines ive read in a long while :D

1) your summary was really good. Best I've seen in a while

2) interesting story

3) the ending to this chapter was... Brilliant.

I love your writing style. You have small blurbs of unnecessary details. Remember that everything you write should have a reason. But then again, this is only for the first chapter, so hopefully when I read the others, they'll be even better than this one. Anyways, you are pretty damn awesome, my dear.

Ahh HS, it was a good time. My first year of HS, I went to the same school as everyone from my middle school. My second year however, I moved away, away from all my friends and people I grown fond of, to a school who I knew absolutely no one. I was completely alone. But it wasn't as bad as I kept saying to myself. All my fears, worries and stress was what was holding me down, making me sad and not allowing me to become something greater. If you just let all that go and be yourself, you'll realize too how easy it all can be. Don't hide away and be something you're not.

Advice? Don't be a bitch haha, don't be judgmental of others, be open minded and most of all...smile. A simple small smile can break down barriers you never knew was up. Or at least that's what helped me in HS

Its perfectly fine to take a break, sonetimes all people need is to step away from it all and take a deep breath and try to get away from all the unneeded stress.
Hope you get over your depression and I wish you a good 1st year of High school. Its always so nerve wrecking going into a new year, let alone a new school.
Make sure you have fun though and be safe.
Thanks

Ja Ne _

aww man I cant wait until there is another chapter

i hope u contine this and just an idea like if that basted ed tuch naruto u should have sasuke show up and be like do touch what is yours and then him and naruto leave for a night of hot passion lol