I don't really like the idea of Holly being an assasin before, so I stopped at Chapter 3

*gets in a tank and fires missiles*

Ahh cute

Doors Artemis love Holly

Is Artemes in love with Holly

Oh no...

THIS IS AWESOME ! Artemies x Holly forever 3

Poor Holly *sniff*

I heart it! Love the sequel too!

oh my god my heart is broken im crying i had to wipe my several times since i started typing i want to kill trouble whenever i read abook i like to make a character of my own in my mind to fix things until i can read the book again(like if im at school) this character is indestructable has the strength that could shame a troll Artemises intelligence and travels through time and i still cant think of a way out and im crying again :((((((((((((((((( but hopefully soon :)))))))))))))))))))))) if there is no happy i will become a shell

NIce

Well, after getting to the second chapter, and seeing that this is a sequel to another story, I went and read that one first. I've got to say that your writing is far better, to the point that I couldn't bring myself to finish reading Dragonwings' story. Personally, I would much rather see you rewrite the first story from scratch, really fill in a lot more of the meat, and change some things, specifically their names. That's one of the things that really stuck me as juvenile, the names were beyond over the top. The concept was good, but the execution was off.

But, that's not really the point here, as that isn't your story. Apart from some minor errors, the writing was well done and you managed to weave in a classic three act structure to the story. Some of Holly and Artemis' scenes seemed OOC, but with Holly I suppose it's expected given the story. Personally, some of the more graphic scenes struck me as somewhat gratuitous, but that's more of a personal preference than anything else.

All in all, I think the story could use a little polishing to fix up the errors and maybe work on some of the motivations behind the actions of some characters. I'd mostly point to the Council, since they more or less switch from punishing Holly to trying to help her a little too quickly and without much reasoning behind it.

Awwww! Your welcome! I will be here for your next story too!

YAY! She BETTER say yes! PM me when the sequel is out? AHHH! I can't wait!
UPDATE or uh… WRITE THE SEQUAL! (yeah, that's it)

Peace, Love, CHEESE!
•LIVE well.
•LOVE always.
•LIFE is good!
*EAL*

AWW Yes she will Artemis!
This was truely great so excited for the sequel!
Thanks, FFG