How could you kill her like that i can actually imagine how she died and its so messed up.

Gotta say for a time travel story this is very unique because of the fact that tge time line is screwed up and the hardships they all have to go through. Also i hope that as the story progresses i see the sand and the remainder of the leaf begin to deploy back into the field. Also what the hell up with tobi getting people right and left and not being stopped because if i remember correctly nagato made a list of possible people who could ve joining tobi so what i dont get is why havent we seen some sort of intervention happening im sure nagato would kill possible enemies that might join tobi like immediately.

I greatly enjoyed this story.
I liked how you didn't always portray characters lecturing others as right. I was really expecting Naruto to give in after Jiraya's speech about Danzo.
I loved your Hiruko. The mask he played, despite his power and that Tobi, despite being the Big Bad not being sure whether it's a mask or not. Him not being aware of something despite his role in the plot is great.
I also liked your Sasori. Still deeply amoral, but doesn't just kill his guys. (Though I had hoped to see more from him.)
Pakura was fun and actually willing to admit she made mistakes.
Naruto came across as somewhat deranged to me, but you made it seem organic and that opinion didn't just come from Jiraya's thoughts on the matter.
Criticism would be the mental jutsus. You slightly altered it later so Tobi didn't learn a whole field of science in the span of a few hours, but it still felt like it was far greater than anything there was in cannon. We had a scene in which the leaf interrogated a ninja from rain, but that was with intrinsic set up and didn't yield remotely as much info. So it was a power up I didn't see great reasons for in cannon, that he didn't actually need.
Some people seemed kind of OC, but that was perfectly understandable given the circumstances.
And I have to admit, I don't really know what else to say. Not all that great at pointing out flaws.
Anyway, too bad this seems to be dead.

Fuck you Obito! HAHAAAAAH!

Hm... doesn't look like I reviewed this, but it's definitely saved as one of my favorite chapters.

I love Itachi's proactive-ness. Going straight for the vitals and laying waste like the textbook shinobi he is. And then Tobi's sudden realization:

"Itachi would... would...
Oh.
Oh fuck."

and:

"But surely Itachi couldn't have... It had only been a few hours..."

Hilarious chapter. Thanks for writing it.

This is a really original idea, but I think it does suffer from becoming a bit too diffuse? Like, I love some complicated plot and it's cool that you show how the disaster affected people everywhere and had wide ranging effects, but all the different scenes with different OCS are really hard to keep track of - it would be easier if you kept a connection to the main characters by having them go on missions in the affected areas, or encounter refugees or something, rather than just being "and now in North Kumo..." It's like, it's great that you have all this detailed back story for the different things that are going on and I'm sure it's going to become relevant to the main plot, but do I need to know all these details right now? Similarly, the neo-Akatsuki collection of OCs and/or filler characters is really difficult to keep straight - do you need so many, and do we need to find out about them now? I mean, the shenanigans with the mental illness duo are funny, but what do we gain from all the scenes with them as opposed to just knowing that Tobi's recruiting and then finding out more as and when the individual OCs become relevant to the main plot? The really interesting parts about Naruto's issues and Kimimaro's sad revenge quest and Sasori's fairly epic espionage moves are kind of getting drowned out in all the "wait who is this should I be remembering them I think I need a flowchart".

I think I'm taking sadistic pleasure in reading about everyone's worlds falling apart in this fic. I blame you.

I've been re-reading this story for the past couple of days because I was bored and while reading this chapter again I came up with an interesting theory that I would like for you to confirmor deny - is the dreamer mentioned lightly in this chapter Kurma? dreaming about the things happening to people in the elemental nations because his chakra is spread all over the continent?

Hey, just finished reading the story up 'til the present. I don't want to be obnoxious, but I figured I might as well explain why I don't really feel like following any further.

Firstly, there's some neat stuff going on in the story. The (many, many) characters all have interesting logic or emotion behind their speech and actions, and the interplay between different perspectives is fun to watch. Asuma, Naruto, and Gaara in particular.

But this leads into my complaint, which is that the story so far is... extremely sprawling for how much has actually happened. Villages died, half of the Konoha people went to Suna, and Tobi grabbed some new minions. The minion-grabbing in particular, I feel, was painfully drawn out. Yes, seeing, say, Fugai's new perspective was interesting, but did we need all of that for every single one of those characters? Yes, there needed to be something behind Tobi's hold over them, but the reader doesn't really need to have the details about all of that, and especially not while it isn't immediately relevant to the plot.

My next complaint is that I don't feel like the story is going anywhere... several of the characters seem to have a motivation of "eh, why not" but that leaves me with a feeling of "eh, why." What is Tobi even going to do? He barely seems to care most of the time. I suppose one of the reasons I have trouble seeing the story progressing is because so much text happens between each time a character appears in the story. They each take a turn doing a little, and then you swap to a new perspective, making everything feel extremely incremental.

Anyway, I'm not a writer, but hopefully this feedback is useful to you in some way. Thanks for the interesting read.

Killing off "just most poeple." Nice. Certainly shakes things up from the norm.

wow!

omg that wa s awesome, I cant help but fell that Atasuki could have REALLY benifited from that... although by and large everyone seemed to work well enough as a group and got their jobs done as well... and Obito actually seemed to morn their loss of comrades, sure Itachi, but even him when it didn't get involved with Sauske was a good member...
ah well with Death lots of stuff changes I guess.

and HIDAN GETS A CONVERT MUHAHAHAHAHA or Orochimaru dissects goodhood.

so freacking dangerous and insane and hell who knows? it might give Orchimaru the PUSH he needed and the drive of belief he has needed in his life thus far caus ehe has been lacking OSMETHING all his life after the wars... something to believe in... you know for all the loud moth bits about Hidan if you actually listen to his actual talks of jashinism and his thing of SHARING PAIN AS THE ONLY AND BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND SOMEONE and he gets fucking TERRIFYING. with its tie in with Pain and Naruto and Jiryia and sharing and understanding each other crap...

will Hidan understand that orochimaru is top dog and do his level best to convert Orochimaru? god is THAT going to be fun, two of... well best way to put it is Orochimaru and Hidan talk religion...

and Kabuto and Obito have something to bond over. and Sasori whos gotten so much better with his loyal people, and Kabuto whos having ISSUES and YES. bring back the FUN Kabuto and hell yes.
Sasori needs some allies, cause as beast as he is hes going to die if this goes on to long here and Kabuto and him venturing out and improving themselves...

ah well. love the freacking ODD messed up group they have going on here and WHERE IN THE GODS NAME IS SASUKE who doesn't have a village to blow up, and doesn't know he has a brother to kill... hopefully him, Jungo and Suigetsu are going out and about and getting drunk at bars or something.

and edo tensei! how fun. yeah they need a couple change up on super zombies, I cant wait for people to actually start USING fujinjutsu err seals on people and stuff that are COMPITENET... actually I cant wiat till you touch opon how those work and the masters of it, cause come to think o fit, besides chakra chains and stuff that's one thing Jiryia COULD teach Naruto and it be a thing to FOCUS himself and WORKHIMSLEF down to exaust himself and work some things out...
poor little techno armor punk... and all these little guys being within these GIANTS...

although Orochimaru and Hiiruko as the oldy shinobi... will Hiruko still keep the mask on with Orochimaru in the room? it has to be largely useless THEN.

but anyway, the team meeting was SO entertaining and the romance between the two memebers of the seven swordsmen mist ninjas... and Kismae gets to hang out with his elders! how cute.

and I just got the image of Sasori getting Sasuke, Suigetsu, Junngo and Kabuto to join him cause all of thema re looking for a new palce to start a fresh and still do NINJA work and stuff..
although Junngo and Kimimaru!

anyway. nice to see Gurren again and nice for you to list out the people that got killed and some of the main factions... I got to wonder aobut that armyt hats going to be attacking the fire country they have GOT to be aiming right at the eaf next... wonder if Jiryia, kakshia nd naruto will pull their asses out of the fire? I mean Asuma, Tenzo, and... super poison bug man(sorry forgot his name off of the top of my head)
plus shikamaru and KAZAKU are more than a match for a silly army that's going to unleash into chaos after tacking the fire capital which will I kNOW how their goingt o fuck themselves over after tacking the capital but im not sure how to EXPLAIN it but with allowing victory to defeat you a bit along with... anyway.. but that is going to be a HELL of a war right there I imagine especially with their internal issues.

although I hope that eventually some more of that monk stuff of Asumas one friend starts coming back to knock his ass into shape.

anyway thanks for the thanks. and thank you for the chapter. it was great. cant wait for the shadow.

Hi! I was wondering where you went! University is tough, so I'm glad you're back!

All my sympathy in this chapter goes to the pigeons. Those poor, poor pigeons. Fated to be thrown at Suna's windows or be eaten by Zetsu (waste not, want not?) And Hiruko. OMGosh. There is acting silly and unimportant, which Tobi had down to an art, and then there is ceramic cats by your bedside. Ceramic cats. Really? Hiruko, do you stay up at night and talk to your cat collection too? Is there a Nibi-chan and a Neko-baa-chan and a limited-edition Sasuke with cat ears? I CAN SEE WHY TOBI IS CONFUSED!

Haha, have fun with pokemon. They made Pikachu Japan's mascot for the world cup.

ok I really hope Kabuto came back with him because HELL YES. and hhe DOES know who in gods hell that IS right? its KABUTO and as a medic, he rivals Tsunade, and as she is gone, he is the greatest one there IS on the planet... and Obito doesn't think that Kabuto could sniff out some freaking traps in the rinnegan? hes been under Orchimarus thumb for a LONG time... whos to say he wont take it and just freaking clone it?
and god yes, an Orchimaru that has LEARNED and mastered Hidans craziness and a kabuto who has neatly subverted Obitos assassination attempt.. sure, let him have Oto at that price. hell Kabuto, Orchimaru meet up with Kimmimaru to have a revision of oto why don't you...

heh Kiruko is funn crazy son of a bitch right there, that's for sure.
and poor Obito, testing out ideas that make a stronger follower but something tha tis largely going to be useless because they WONT contact on another in important messages...
and NO! not yuki the snow princess! Jiryia wont be able to do his Icha icha movie now! hopefully he already did it at least...
and Naruto, and chains and stuff. that would be awesome to watch and stuff.

anyway cant wait for Obito to compently handle SOME thigns and then get ass raped surprise by others! should be fun.

Nice chapter