Lovely writing style. It makes sense to me that Luna would become depressed or anorexic as a result of being teased all her life, even if, in canon, she always seemed impassive about it. I love your portrayal of the friendship between Ginny and Luna, too: Ginny's loyalty to her friends is probably one of the most overlooked aspects of her character. Overall, amazing job on this piece!

I loved that intro. You give a glimpse of hope in the beginning, saying that all of those who made fun of Luna have made her stronger...and then we're struck with something not so hopeful: (...right?) I also like how you've described her hair as being like 'porcelain'- it almost reflects herself, in the way it currently seems that Luna isn't as strong as others think, or maybe as she once thought.

That second part was brilliant. The way she mumbles clearly shows that she might feel awkward in the Great Hall, possibly due to the heckling people, and then it's mentioned how thin she is, and after eating something she heads off with her head bowed...like she's going to be sick. Maybe those people who heckle her really are getting to her...

I love how you've shown it as if Luna has lost all her identity, as if she was ashamed of it and has felt she's had to change herself in order to stop people laughing at her. There's no more of her airy voice or her talk about strange things; she's lost everything that made her Luna, and it seems physically, mentally and personality-wise, she's just wasting away to nothing. [The silence Luna was capable of could break anyone's heart.] I really liked this line.

I like how the porcelain is no longer used to describe just her hair, but also her body, and it seems like a symbol of her physical and mental fragility.

I really like how the ending isn't a bigged-up hype. Whilst they don't seem as happy as they could be, they're glad that Luna is finally speaking up. :)

Great job!
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Here is my critique and some suggestions for you. I hope they are helpful to you, and if you'd like me to clarify anything, feel free to ask. :)

. I think the title would stand out more if it were capitalised, personally- 'Porcelain'. :) However, you could keep it uncapitalised if you're looking to create somewhat of a 'whispery', 'quiet' effect, since Luna here is much like that herself. I hope you get what I'm talking about here. I find it hard to explain. :P

. (….right?) An ellipsis has three dots. :) [...right?]

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Keep up the good work! :D :D

"your head, nearly aflame with the weight of Weasley"
I love that line.

This is a very interesting take on Luna's character. Certainly one I have not seen before. Points for originality.

That was really sad, it really managed to touch my heart! I never really saw Luna this way, and you've made me see her in a whole new light, so kudos for that!

Let's break it down, shall we?

I especially liked how you used second person. The 'you's are really excellent, and they give it a funny, almost dance-y vibe to this piece that really drew me in and kept me reading. The length, also was very good for this, and you managed to pass a whole lot of time in under 600 words, which is really incredible and takes a lot of skill.

Your Luna characterization surprised me, but at the same time, I'm not surprised at all. I also like your descriptions of her, especially the title one. It kind of defined her for me, something so beautiful and pure, but so delicate at the same time.

Overall, this was really lovely and sad, but at the end there really was hope. Excellent job!

Your choice of words and the cadence of the phrases lends a dreamy feel to this little piece - fitting, considering it's about Luna. I find her an interesting character who we really never got to know in the books, and I've always wondered how much of her act is truly her seeing the world in a different light and how much of it is her own manner of coping.

/It's easier to ignore the Slytherins, you think, because they're useless to begin with. Your lovely friend must contend with animosity from her own house/ -That's very true when you think about it, and I liked how you used the contrast between Ginny and Luna to give us a better sense of who Luna is as a character. The use of contrast with Ginny also made Luna's transformation post war come across in a starker way. The prompt "porcelain" was also well carried through the piece through the doll metaphor, which was a fitting choice to portray Luna's fragility. "Porcelain hair" though I feel doesn't fit very well; it's much more apt when applied to her body as you do later on.

This line was one of the standouts from this piece: /The silence Luna was capable of could break anyone's heart./ -What a vivid way to phrase it. Overall, this was a really unique little piece.

Such a strong little drabble this turned out to be!

Poor Luna! I feel for her, I really do. I'm glad to see that Harry is concerned about her well-being, and notices her state of being before the war was fought and after the war was over. I'm really happy that Harry took charge and told Luna to stop not eating and moping around and to get something in her; seriously, the way you depicted her arms had me frightened for the poor being.

Nice work with descriptions, as I've mentioned in my last sentence. You'd manage to paint an image in my head that stuck with me throughout the piece. Lovely job on that!

In terms of SPAG, no errors were spotted, so nice work with that! Again, I truly enjoyed reading this amazingly-written drabble! :)

I love the imagery that you use in this fic, right off the bat. The way that you write these sentences makes the contrast of between Luna's two selves all the more potent and heartbreaking. I was really taken with the mention of "porcelain" so many times throughout the fic. You know just how to use the repetition just enough to get the impact that you're looking for. Really impressive.

Luna's change... I don't even have words there. The fact that she's so breakable at the end... it's really sad. But I like the fact that you give us a glimmer of hope at the very end. There's still hope for the future and it's really lovely.

I really loved your decision to use a second person narrative here. It's rare to find such a narrative as well written as this, and it really made this a very strong story.

Well done! I enjoyed this piece.

Cheers, dearie!

i love the juxtaposition that you've between luna and ginny right at the onset of the fic.
it's stark, and the inclusion of the [fearfully] immediately lets us know that there's something wrong, without too much time being waisted on the exposition.

i also love the contrasts between the two sections, the way that ginny seems afraid of speaking as much as she wants to help in the first, and the way that the war seems to have changed her enough that she can talk to luna about it after the war.
i like to think that the reason luna agreed to try and eat was because someone had finally noticed and approached her - something i doubt was common in the house that ridiculed her - but maybe that's just me being simplistic.

anyways, great work, and a lovely and understanding approach to such a difficult subject.
well done!

Luna happens to be one of my favorite characters. For how much she'd grown over the series, I'd forgotten she was referred to as Lonely-Looney-Luna early on. But I never saw her as that at all; she was so much more than that. I do love how this story plays on that a bit, and I love that it's from Ginny's perspective. I also love that, although it is sad, you create a reason why Luna is the way she is, how she deals with the pain and the anxiety. I must admit, that is how some people do deal with it...by creating one aspect of their lives they can control, so it would make sense. I must admit when I read anorexia in the summary, I was worried this would end on a sad note. But quite the contrary. I do love that this actually ends on a hopeful note, with Luna deciding to go out with the others. Maybe this means she'll change? Well, as Ginny says, it's not much, but it's enough. A really lovely piece that I thoroughly enjoyed. Well done. :)

Oh my... First, this being in second person, I love the elegance you have in your voice. Second person usually jars for me, but it was easy to ease into this one. But the progression and how different the starting Luna is from the ending... I mean, even the imagery and her actions only enhance this subtle, yet increasing depression (you can feel it building, even if ever so slightly until the time leap). But I'm glad it had a hopeful note to it as I can see this happening, really. Lovely piece you have here! Cheers!

Tune

I like the contrast between Luna and Ginny with the aflame hair and the porcelain hair. That was really neat. I like how you being out how Luna ignores what’s said about her. I thought that was very true to her character. The fact you also touch on the fact they are beneath her was lovely. I felt bad when Luna begins to disappear. I’m usually not a fan of Ginny but I enjoyed the fact that she saved Luna from the gloom and doom she sank into. That was really nice.

First off the imagery and the way you told the story was great. I can't really see Luna as breaking down this much and in this case a little more exposition would be great to get your point across. I like the description of Luna and Ginny in the very beginning of the story and nice to compare and contrast the difficulties both of them face.

I did dislike the use of the second-person POV. I think it's against site rules, but that aside after I got over the use of you worked in this fic. So all in all not bad and nice writing.

What an interesting piece. To be honest, I'm still not totally convinced that I could see Luna being anorexic. She's always been a lot stronger than that in canon, and I think this piece diminishes that strength just a bit. However, my doubts aside, I think you handled this story extremely well and made her disease seem somewhat believable.

The imagery of porcelain is really powerful, and I like how you use it to contrast Luna at the beginning and the end. I like how the imagery chances in meaning; first, it's her hair, but in the end, it comes to represent not just her entire body, but her mind as well.

And even though I don't see canon Luna ever dealing with this, I do think the Luna you've presented does make sense, in it's own way. She's been teased enough that perhaps she just wants to disappear, leading to the physical manipulation of her body. I also think you did a great job with the second person POV. I love love LOVE that style, but done poorly, it can be very jolting. You did an excellent job with it.

Overall, I enjoyed this. Keep writing.

Hi :) My Potter-canon-fu is pretty weak, but I really enjoyed this ficlet... sensitive use of the subject material and very well written.

One thing that did stand out to me was the lack of capital letters in your summary, which isn't carried over into your narrative proper, where everything is correct. Entirely up to you, but if this were mine I'd consider putting the capitals in the summary, because it may be giving potential readers the impression that your actual story lacks punctuation or grammar, and this deserves to be read.

Loving your characterisation of Luna, especially as someone who doesn't bother reacting to people and conversations that are beneath her. It's a great contrast to the second section and the drastic change in her demeanour.

Just as a stylistic thing, I'd avoid prescriptive lines like "before the war" "after the war", as they seem like an author intrusion. YMMV.

I like the glimmer of hope at the end, though of course it's going to take a lot more than a drink at the pub to heal her. Poor Luna. Thank you for writing x

Wonderful.