Does rose like to work on cars ?

Will she still dance?

It was good... then the last sentences killed it

You should look into getting a good beta. There are many still in the fandom through Facebook that could help you clean this up, and I'm not talking storyline wise, I'm talking punctuation and grammar. You have a great idea for a story but the execution just isn't there. It comes off rushed and unorganized, but a beta would help with that. It's just a suggestion.

The deflowering wasn't all that great definitely needed some homework before writing it

You forgot the after care.

I just came across this little gem and it sounds wonderful! So much so I look forward to reading more.

ok this story is has been ok so far but no way is a virgin young girl going to be ok with the room she walked into and just say ok no problem and let him do what he wants to her so i think she should of freaked out on him or at least been kinda scared of what he wants her to be

Victorian houses never had 3 stories. I know this because I live in one, its also big for that era with only 4 bedroom. Maybe a Victorian style. I wouldn't of thought Edward would leave his playroom door unlocked.

Really jealous when they have just met. She seems a little forward for someone so inexperienced.

I'm a mom of 5. If my parents or in-laws arranged for any of my 3 daughters to be betrothed is one of their friends grandson. I would have them out of their house in a heartbeat, as would my hubby. I can't understand why Charlie or Renee go along with it unless there is a dowry involved and they are short of money.
It was sweet that you had Edward go and watch her dance.

This should be interesting.

Love ur story

Type your review for this chapter here...

excellent story.