Ok, finally I was able to read this. Sorry friend, but school prevented me to read this before.

This version of the story is undoubtedly better. The changes seem minimal, but the truth is that they allow a better understanding of the characters. Now I understand Auron more. He devoted his life to perfect himself for the love of his life and in a cruel twist of fate he lost everything (Almost) That was something I didn't feel in the original.

Referring to details, I, personally, don't think that would be require to include more. They are consice in what you want to say and that's enought for me. Sure, you can always be more detailed, but in this case I don't think is needed.

My vote hasn't changed. I still want Auron in the White Ones.

Awesome story, keep it up and read you soon ;)

KevinBlu

PD: I apologies for the misspelling I might have. I'm writting this in a rush XD

First off, this was alot better than your first attempt. The first attempt seemed rushed, however the second attempt allows your character to be better developed and lets us learn more about your character. This was a great, however tragic story that i very much enjoyed reading.

Very good improvements, but I couldn't help to notice that the story still does not have enough detail to it. If you add more detail to the beginning, I feel like you should add more detail to the rest as well. Still like the story, but it feels inconsistent. I love the improvement in the song choices though! ;).

Much better than the last time if I do say so! The characters were more properly established, and the plot had a more emotional build up than the sudden tragic event you threw at us last time. Their songs are better too, and the characters or Cloud and Vasquez are written completely in character just like last time. I probably should have said this before to make it easier, but the boss character is actually named Mortus. That would've made things easier. The extra length is a bonus, but not a necessity.
And now the negatives, there still exists a number of lines with 'cheesy' dialogue, but that happens to everyone. When adding more detail, one would expect more in every plot point, including the leopard seal chase and the meeting of Cloud and Vasquez. The lack of detail in the area itself makes Claire's death sudden, but the events leading up to it are solid and more refined.
Overall, exceptionally better than the original and Auron has definitely caught our attention for a second time! Take it from me, I'd be surprised if he doesn't make it into The White Ones!

Excellent story, you did a great job! Thouggh I do feel bad for Auron for losing his mate-to-be. I'm pretty sure that your OC will end up in the "What Are Friends For?" Count on it!

nice story!

cool, that penguin is so cool! hope to see him in the story!

This was a very nice story. Sweet and sour were conbined beautifuly. Don't worry about the curses, penguins are living beings after all. They can't be happy and sappy all the time. I noticed that Auron and Claire said "god" several times. Remember that penguins (At least emperor ones) don't use the world "god". Use "Guin" instead ("Guin damn it!" for example)

Another thing. It would be better if you put the name and author of the song that you are using at the END of the story. It distract the readers (This is a personal opinion)

I agree with StarSource, the trasition of the events here are quite quick. I had to re-read several times the story to undertant it.

Also, I do realize that Auron's personality is not fully developed here, but I think that that's can't be done in only one one-shot. That's take time and a lot of letters! XD However, it's still important. You should had made this story longer and more detailed.

Overall:
It's an interesting character, that's can't be argued, but the lack of personality makes me doubt. The plot itselft it's very good, and its kind of fits with Auron's joining to the White Ones. I haven't made a desicion right now. When I do, I'll let MyWayWritter know. (But my approval of this is almost certain XD)

PS: You should totally leave this story up after the competition end. What its more, you should also make a kind of sequel for this (actually, a prequel would be better)

Ok, wish you the best luck I can.

Read you soon ;)

KevinBlu

This is a very good one-shot, but it felt too short. The character of Auron still lacks some detail to me. I understand the fact that he used to be a loving penguin and then went in a malicious depression that changed him, but I would love more background on the character. The transition was a bit too quick, I feel like I still don't know Auron on a personal level. So I guess more detail is needed, but Auron is definitely an interesting character.

I'll be honest, this is a great one-shot! Great job!

Exquisite...! An excellent blend of tragedy and hope, just like all the real stories in the series. He seems like he'd be an acceptable member to the group, but I'm only one judge, we all have to agree. His story is very solid with no too many details, so it's easy to keep track of, and he's even got that unique name to him as all member of my Happy Feet family do. And now for the bad comments, his heartsong was a good choice, but it's counter-part was quite a failure when put together, sounding more like conflicting bands on stage then a blend of love. The fact that you changed his personality so radically makes for an unstable character, going from happy, to in love, to depressed, to aggressive. That's a personality flaw I see, in addition, you played Cloud and Vasquez well, and that's exactly how their boss would react, but this story is focused around Auron, the meeting of Cloud and Vasquez should've been more brief and sudden then a full conversation. But all in all, very good, an admirable entry. Well done indeed! Don't take it down after the contest is over, I suggest you leave it up.