Sweet! I like!

Mm... I enjoyed this. My Spanish skills aren't particularly good, despite spending a little over the last three years learning it, but I'd like to think I understood enough to get a feel of what was going on in those parts without having to look at the translations at the bottom.

I would suggest getting a beta, however. I'd offer myself, but I'm rather bogged down by college applications at the moment, so I'm afraid it would be impossible for me to do so. The reason why I'm suggesting you get someone is twofold: one, it would make your writing better before you posted, making your stories more popular, since you are less likely to catch mistakes in something you wrote yourself as opposed to an entirely new piece of work. Two, getting constant feedback of that nature gradually worms its way into your mind and makes your overall writing better as well.

As for why I chose this story? Bleach was the only category of story from your list that I've read.